2009 August » The Chronicles of Munchkin Land

A Prayer for Peace

Aug 122009

I have learned that peace is not a constant. Or, rather, I have been reminded that peace is not a constant. There’s an ebb and a flow, just as in everything else. When tears start to flow, as they will, or when anxiety starts to build, as it does, I end up feeling, for just a bit, as if I’ve failed in my journey for peace.

Then, as tears slow and anxiety lowers itself to a more tolerable level, logic sets in. And laughter rolls.

It helps when I realize that my peace is not contingent upon the actions and reactions of others. I know that I’ve been talking a lot about faith as of late. But it’s where I am in my journey. I’d appreciate if you didn’t sue me. I find myself thinking this Prayer for Peace when my resolve toward being peaceful seems to crumble.

O God, you will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are fixed on you; for in returning and rest we shall be saved; in quietness and trust shall be our strength.

— Isaiah 26:3; 30:15

I found it awhile back on a page that listed various prayers for peace, including the serenity prayer. That, as well, has taught me that I don’t have control over much more than myself. I am prone to anxiety, genetics working against me. The edgy, tingly part of me doesn’t magically disappear, especially in difficult situations. Yet, reciting that bit and remembering to focus, first and foremost, on God really brings me back to where I need to be. My problems aren’t magically solved. People who hurt me don’t go up in a puff of smoke. My living room is still cluttered with toys as I write this piece.

But…

In quietness and strength. In returning and rest. Perfect peace. Yes please.

Encouragement For Me, For You

Adoption, in General 5 Responses »

Aug 112009

I have, over the years, questioned why I continue to share so much of myself with the Internet. It’s true that I find healing in writing, in sharing my story. I don’t think I would have come this far if I wouldn’t have sorted through the whole of my emotions in word form. Would it have been the same if I would have written in a diary? Or a locked blog? Would the lack of feedback made it harder for me to find the peace which I have stumbled upon? I don’t know the answers exactly.

I do know that there have been times when I have doubted what I do, what I share. These times are when people are nasty, unkind and generally lacking compassion for what they assume is outside of their own understanding. I try to remember that they’re just as scared as I once was, their negativity and harsh words are nothing more than a defense mechanism made to keep their world safe and secure. Words still sting. I’ve gotten better over the years but I still cry at times when people find it necessary to lash out at me even though their true issues are, all too often, within themselves.

That’s why I was so encouraged by an email that I received this morning. I will quote a portion. I’ve removed specific details to protect privacy.

I have to say, that I pretty much stuck to my adoptive parents [...] boards. It was reading your story and getting to know you that made me branch out and in doing so, I gained a whole new understanding of the other sides to the adoption triad. I’ll admit that for a long time I didn’t have much room in my heart for [my child's] birth mother. Thanks in part to you, your blog and openness about your feelings, that has changed.

What a lovely thing to wake up to!

I share this not to toot my own horn. I share this so that my readers who are currently blogging their journey may also feel encouraged. You never know whose life you are going to touch. As an example here, I not only touched that adoptive parent’s life but that child’s life, that birth mother’s life and anyone who comes in contact with that family. You, too, are doing the same thing by sharing your stories, your experiences, your heart with the reading masses.

The blogging world can be nasty at times. Take this moment to feel encouraged as you share your journey. The truth is that so many of you have also encouraged me in my journey. Please accept my heartfelt thanks for helping me arrive where I am today.

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