Add

Ask and Tell

In case you don’t know, I got a new job. To get that job, I had to interview. During that interview, I had to talk about what I’ve been doing regarding my freelancing career. That talk involves discussion of AdoptionBlogs among other things.

That’s right. I had to mention adoption during an interview for a job.

How is this my life? How has adoption woven itself into absolutely every aspect of my life? Where is my breathing room? My space? My right to privacy? Of course, I say this all slightly tongue in cheek. For various reasons all of these questions come back to me and the choices I have made.

Adoption has woven itself into absolutely every aspect of my life because the act of relinquishing a child changes everything about a birth parent’s life, present tense and future. In fact, one could argue that the act of relinquishing also shades the past, not necessarily changing it but changing the view of it. My future was permanently changed by placing the Munchkin for adoption. In some ways that’s an obvious statement. I’m not parenting my daughter. In some ways, the changes were hidden and are only discovered with each step I take forward in this life. (Such as having to talk about adoption in a job interview. What?) I can’t get away from adoption. Nor do I want to exactly. My daughter is a huge part of me, of my heart. Her story, our story together, has shaped me in so many ways. From my journey toward peace (which was necessary even before placement, some might argue) to the decisions I have made post-placement. Adoption has shaped me, for better and worse.

As far as my privacy, most bloggers understand. I chose to share my story. I chose to write about it. I chose to put myself out there, even when the trolls came knocking. Even when people got jealous and lashed out even though they were just angry about their own circumstances. Even when I wanted to hole up within myself and ignore everything going on in my life. I’ve lived this journey in a very public manner. I don’t always talk about every aspect as some parts of the story are not mine, specifically, to tell. (You don’t need to know why Munchkin’s parents adopted. You just need to know how that made me feel (which I promise to address eventually), that my daughter is well loved and that D is happier than I’ve ever seen her.) But I talk about many things. I enjoy it. It is a form of therapy for me. And the continuous feedback that I’m helping people realize that while open adoption can be great, it’s not an easy road. It’s not always the answer. It has some ethical concerns. And it needs reformed just like every other aspect of the adoption industry. I like being part of that even if my own privacy is compromised at times.

And so, of course, I’m sure the managing editor at the newspaper was thinking, “What the heck is she writing for AdoptionBlogs for,” as he wrote down the URL. I’m sure he went to the site later, read it and thought, … well, who knows what he thought. Perhaps he has no connection to adoption. Maybe he believed a stereotype or two about the type of mother who “gives away” her baby and maybe I shattered some of that just by being who I am. Maybe he’s an adoptee. Maybe he’s an adoptive parents. Maybe he’s a birth parent. I don’t know. All I know is that when I took the job at the news station in 2004, I didn’t tell anyone about my daughter until after I left the station.

Not this time.

I’ve worked through my guilt, my shame. Sure, those things still hang around and pop up from time to time but I don’t feel dirty telling new people that I have a daughter whom I love dearly who is being raised by adoptive parents that I chose for her. I don’t launch into divorce issues or my journey or any drama… unless prompted. But the truth is that she’s a part of my life. If this job sticks around, someone from work will meet my daughter. Someone from work will see her picture on my desk or in my house. Someone from work will ask. And I will tell.

And life will go on.