Comments on: Primal Wound Book Tour

By: Deb Donatti

Deb Donatti — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 19:32:53 +0000

Jenna (((Hugs)))
I know mine is not comparable to your experience, but I also feel like I had no real truth about what I was doing when I adopted children. Also not sure reading this book before hand I would have been able to absorb the truths in it, the pain and loss of my personal situation was too overwhelming to me at the time. I was told adopting would “fix” me, my (infertility) and now I know it didn’t and couldn’t, instead I just added deeper more involved grief to the mix. Now others suffer, because of my choice while I was suffering, and that sucks.
Your ability to speak out about your personal journey has helped me in mine, so thanks for being that brave.

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By: Katie @ Can't Get There From Here

Katie @ Can't Get There From Here — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 19:49:53 +0000

Thank you for sharing! I am not a birthmother and the closest I have been to the adoption issue is to help friends with their own journeys, but I really appreciate you sharing your struggle and helping to educate everyone about what a personal, emotional journey it is for EVERYONE involved. Wishing you strength and peace…

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By: Upstatemomof3

Upstatemomof3 — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 03:45:22 +0000

I have yet to have the guts to read the book. I considered reading it and participating in the tour but considering the fact that the only chance I would have had to read it would have been on the plane to Ethiopia. Ya know, on my way to pick up my new daughter? I decided that it probably was not the time for this. Maybe that is naive of me. Or maybe it makes me a terrible mom who has her head in the sand but I just could not do it. Although, considering you participated on today of all days I feel like a real heel for skipping it.
I know I have said it before I do want to say again thank you for sharing your story. I am thinking of you.

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By: MandyW

MandyW — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 03:00:54 +0000

“There is absolutely no world in which I want to think about possible irreparable damage that I may or may not have caused my daughter by relinquishing her…”

You work so hard at maintaining your open adoption relationship and it will pay off in the end. The munchkin may get angry with you someday, she may be confused and act out…but you are there for her and she knows that. You can answer her questions as she asks them. She won’t have to search, wonder about what you look like.

You are an amazing woman, person and mother and I’ m so proud to be your friend. God bless you and the munchkin.

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By: luna

luna — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 23:07:28 +0000

these are truly excellent answers, jenna. how difficult it must have been for you to do this today.

the fertility issues question is really interesting. I’m so glad you were able to avoid that particular problem.

thanks for adding your voice to this tour.

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By: findingmaddy

findingmaddy — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 19:56:54 +0000

It sure is a tough read. AS is Nancy’s next book. My counsellor recommended Primal Wound to me. My daughter was about 12. The book spoke volumes to me and made me feel so sad for my daughter and angry that I had relinquished. I also wondered what could I do – the answer was nothing – it was so out of my control and still is. I think all we can do is keep the lines of communication open with our children even when they don’t reply.
Thinking of you on your daughter’s birthday – hugs and love.

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By: Lori in Denver

Lori in Denver — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 17:17:55 +0000

“But anyone who has dealt with fertility issues and been told, “It’s all in your head,” knows how freaking annoying that theory can feel.”

So true.

You were one of the first, Jenna, to show me the dark and the light sides of being a firstparent. I am so glad you added your voice to this tour.

I agree with what you said about people needing to be ready to read this book. I think that’s true for both sets of parents in adoption.

I’m sorry that your post fell on such a difficult date for you. It could easily have been moved forward or back a day if I’d known at the time I was scheduling. I’m sorry if there was miscommunication on that.

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By: Leigh

Leigh — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 16:03:13 +0000

Yes, big (((((HUGS))))) I agree, it’s not a book or theory that you can push on someone if they aren’t ready. I have a fellow birthmother in my life and when I tried to discuss this with her she brushed it off as complete rubbish. But she has not examined or really thought about any aspect of her adoption, ever. It’s hard to think about these consequences.

I was the one that submitted the fertility question actually. And to your point about not having your children to replace your baby or fill a void…I’d have to say that I probably DID do that on some level. And I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing, it’s just a reality of my life that I can’t avoid. I gave up a child, and so it was really important for me to have a family and children. If I hadn’t gotten pregnant first year of college and gone through all of that, I may not have felt as rushed. Not that I regret it though, as my daughter HAS in fact healed me in many ways. (And brought up adoption issues – yes!….maybe therapy isn’t a bad idea after all) :)

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By: Dawn

Dawn — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 14:56:01 +0000

I love you, Jenna.

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By: Andy

Andy — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 11:54:54 +0000

{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}} I can’t imagine how hard the timing of this was for you. Thank you so much for sharing all of your thoughts and insights as a first mom. It really does help me have a glimpse of what the first moms in my life might be going through.

Happy Birthday Munchkin!

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