Recently I was accused of letting adoption rule my life here on this blog. Someone else sent a nasty message on the family blog about how I hide behind my children. Apparently you can’t please everyone by what you choose to share… and what you choose to withhold… on your blog(s).
Adoption has shaped a large part of who I am. Adoption is not all that I am. In fact, even if you read my other blog, the other blogs I contribute to, twitter, Facebook and anything else that I participate online, you will still only have the very basic of ideas as to who I am as a person, a wife, a mother, a birth mother, a friend, a daughter, a sister, and so on.
I read like an open book sometimes. I frequently let it all hang out there, opening up my experience for others to read, learn from, share their own and generally participate in the give and take of life lessons. I’ve spoken, honestly, as to how the experience of blogging has been integral in my healing process. More over, I have made some life long friends, inside and outside the adoption blogosphere/industry/realm. My life has been changed by their sharing, their caring, their challenges and their friendship.
But that doesn’t mean that even the closest among them know every last thing about me.
There are things that I don’t find it necessary to talk about on the Internet or even with my real life friends over weekly coffee. I’m not going to launch into lengthy diatribes about faith; I have mine, you have yours, end of story for me. I’m not going to discuss our finances other than to say the tax refund was good and we’re buying a new couch and recliner. When we’re struggling, I won’t complain out loud. When we’re rolling in the dough (see also point 4 here), I won’t rave out loud. I’m not going to discuss sex or anything associated with it. (Hi, Mother-in-law!) I’m also not going to go into lengthy discussions about family relationships on the blogs because they read. (Also, I’ve learned that if you write about your family when you’re angry, it hurts more than it helps.) Those things, faith and money and sex and family, are huge parts of my life. Not discussing them means that my readers don’t know those parts of my life.
But just because I don’t discuss them doesn’t mean that they don’t exist, don’t shape who I am. I think it’s important that we keep that in mind when we read others’ blogs. Even someone who seems to wear their heart on their blog isn’t likely telling you absolutely everything. I know that I’ve jumped to a conclusion and even, gasp, judged before only to later learn the whole story… and ended up feeling like a heel. I’ve apologized to those individuals. I’ll apologize again in the future because I will forget to take my own advice and I’ll think, “What the heck is this person going on about?” But I try to keep it in mind at all times.
All of this is my long-winded way of saying that I’m more than a birth mother. I am more than adoption. I am even more than an everyday mom. And a wife. And even more than a blogger. So much more.
My name is Jenna. I blog here, 
In response to the first paragraph, what business is it of theirs what you do? These are your blogs, your life. There are a million and one blogs on the internet. So if yours does not please them, go read someone else’s.
I have virtually no experience with adoption other than knowing of a handful of people who have adopted children. But I find this blog very captivating for some reason. I have kept up with it for a few years now and am very interested in what you have to say. And that may be because I think you are a very interesting writer. Maybe it’s because one of my grandchildren in bi-racial. Whatever, I don’t know.
Of course, you are a well rounded person and have many interests. But who in the world would display their whole life on the internet is beyond me.
Wow, that’s the most I’ve ever had to say. Sorry.
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Have to agree with the other commentor. Anyone who finds you to be one dimensional should look at their own life. Clearly blogs, particularly hard core topical ones, represent ONE aspects of the authors personality.
As someone who has been beat by the same stick you reference here, I say consider the source and move on. It is them. Not you.
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Boy oh boy, can I relate to this right now. Just had a “friend” of 20 years tell me that every thought of mine comes out onto my blog or Facebook. NOT. Well, she told me other nasty stuff as well, but I won’t go into that here. Needless to say, I was shocked that someone who supposedly knows me so well put my whole self into my blog posts and FB posts. If someone like that does it, then clearly people who don’t know me at all think that my blog posts and FB posts are the sum total of who I am, and nothing is further from the truth.
Keep writing what you write, Jenna. You write beautifully, and it’s a testament to not only your journey but also your love for your daughter. I, for one, LURVE it. :)
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