We got our Census form today. I sat down to fill it out immediately because it’s all big and scary on the front with its warning of Doom and Official Gloom if you don’t return it. I am horrible at returning things. I just am. I can email you. But I can’t go to the Post Office. I figure if I sat down, filled it out and immediately put it in the envelope, maybe my loving husband will see it and do it for me. Right?
I filled out the first person information about my husband as it’s his name on the mortgage. Then I filled out my information and checked the box next to husband or wife of the first individual without reading down the rest of the list. Then I filled out the info about our oldest son.
I was about to check next to Biological Son or Daughter when I flipped my lid.
I’m sorry. What? Separate check boxes for biological and adopted children? Really?
As a birth mother, I am offended not only for myself and my daughter’s mom but for my daughter. I’m offended for us all, everyone living within the world of adoption. I understand that the world, adoption included, has changed a lot since the last Census was conducted. But for pity’s sake, you’d think that the language and attitudes toward adoption back then would have made this differentiation even more deplorable.
Why are adoptive parents forced to differentiate between their children? Foster children who are not permanently adopted would be something I could understand due to the fact that they may not live there in the near future due to court dates and other factors. But legally, forever adopted children? We redo their birth certificates. We make it look as if the birth family never legally existed, despite any attempts at openness which isn’t even legally binding in all states. We tell these (adoptive) families that this is their forever child, to love this child “as if” he/she was their “own.” And then we make them check a separate box?
Really?
It upsets me, as a birth mother, because I have come to accept my role. I am not the everyday mom. I have no legal right. She may be my biological daughter but she doesn’t live here and she doesn’t go on my Census form. Had I parented, I’d be checking the biological box. I was told that she had a forever family, that she wouldn’t be loved or treated differently than any other children in their family. And now she has a separate box?
Really?
This makes me angry for all of the adoptees. Ever. And yet to come. Not only do we deny them their birth certificates but now they’re not the “same” as biological children. Really? Do we need to keep adding insult to injury? Do we need to keep reminding adoptees that we view them as different, as not quite the same, as less than? Do we need an official form that states, oh yes, adoptees are different?
I am just so saddened by this; more than is probably necessary. I know both in my heart and with the brain that processes everything told to me and seen by me that my daughter is loved, fully and wholly, no different than her brother. I know this and I have no doubts. It just angers me that the government which allows unethical adoption agencies to continue to exist and refuses adoptees their Original Birth Certificates continues to demean adoptees in Official ways.
I don’t even know to whom to properly complain. Not that they’d listen to a lowly birth mother, anyway, right? I signed papers so I don’t get to have an opinion as to how my daughter and her family are treated and/or portrayed, right?
Edit: If you don’t enter a real email address, your comment will automatically be marked as spam.
Second Edit which is REALLY annoying: If you’re going to spam my blog with comments to other people, berating them for their comments and generally act very nasty toward those who have been sharing here, your comments will not be approved. They will be trashed. I will NEVER understand the need to troll, throw about nasty words or generally be so inhumane to other human beings. You can be nasty to me as this is my space. You may NOT troll my commenters. Ridiculous.
My nephews are adopted and we don’t think of it as a difference either. I’m sure my BIL & SIL are going to be annoyed with that checkbox as well. Hell, I’m annoyed with that checkbox, because there is no reason for it to be there. It is not vitally important to determining how many people there are, it’s not vitally important to determining the income of the area, it’s not vitally important to anything that I can figure out.
I’m not sure who you could complain to either…. but, news shows and opinion news type shows are talking about the census a lot, maybe you (and others) could email them and they would cover it and draw some attention to it?
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Hey…found this through Loretta’s tweet. I was thinking this might be a very good statistic to collect. Knowing, how many children are adopted is probably useful for government agencies, adoption agencies and other supporters of adoption. It doesn’t mean an adopted child is less important or different. It is simply a statistic that may help fund programs, support awareness, etc. I am Canadian, so don’t get this census form, but is there an information number you can call to find out why they collect this info. I bet there is a reason.
Just a thought. I can understand your initial reaction, but do wonder what the actual reason for the distinction might be.
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Jenna Reply:
March 15th, 2010 at 7:00 pm
Except that any child adopted has to go through the legal process and, as such, statistics are already had. It is vastly interesting to know statistics on these things but, really, those are already done, just as births are known every year. (Some stats here: http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/statistics/adoption.cfm )
As such, this argument doesn’t hold much water. I do get your point but as the stats are already collected, the double box doesn’t sit well. At all.
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Jenna Reply:
March 15th, 2010 at 7:00 pm
More over? Until ethical reforms are made in our country’s adoption industry, I have absolutely no desire, at all, to help adoption agencies with this type of information. At all.
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Alice Seba Reply:
March 15th, 2010 at 7:48 pm
Fair enough. My comment wasn’t an “argument” really. Just a thought that there may be a reason. That’s all.
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As a first mother (from the early ’70s), I am ok with noting the difference on the census form. Adoption is different. It’s not the same. It means you have another set of parents “out there” in most cases. It the first parents were dead, it would still matter.
I’ve lately felt an easier acceptance of adoption IF it is practiced openly. That means acknowledging all parties, all the time. I tried to buy the “as if” storyline in the beginning, but it didn’t work out that way at all; so I don’t support it now.
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Oh, fabulous. We haven’t received our census yet, but that’s REALLY something to look forward to. As if the government wanting to know how much money we make, what time we leave for work, and how many times I pee in a day isn’t enough.
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As an adult adoptee with sealed birth records, I had to put “Don’t Know Adopted” for Race for me and “Don’t Know” for my children.
The Federal Government really doesn’t want accurate race statistics or they would open sealed birth records of millions of adopted persons in this country. No records, no race.
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suz Reply:
March 15th, 2010 at 11:54 pm
Love Mara’s reply. Very true. Every adoptee should do that.
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WOW.. that sucks. I would be one of those rebels who puts a line through it with a big OLD Non of your business.
The other thing that I also noticed was the Husband/Wife option. As a same sex family that one bugs me too. Cause I’m sure that it is followed up with Mother/Father somewhere along the line too.
One day, the world will come to it’s senses and all this crap will go away.
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wow. haven’t opened up our package yet, but this is what I have to look forward to?
as a new adoptive mom who just finalized the adoption of our nearly 10 month old daughter, pledging to the state of california that I would treat this child just as if she were my “natural child,” I am astounded and offended by this distinction. not for me but for my daughter.
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I’m glad to see I’m not the only adoptive parent angered by the separate category for biological and adopted children. Our son was adopted as an infant and he knows it. However, we never use the adopted to describe him at all, and find the descriptive quite unnecessary. The relationship category remains unchecked for the moment…heavily leaning toward checking both boxes in protest.
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Oh this just burns me up inside. I get so angry at this kind of thing. In truth I hear it plenty. Especially since the birth of my middle child (the only one I actually gave birth to). Is this one yours? Don’t you want more of your own? Or the absolute best was the police officer who came when I was in an accident and told me he did not believe all three kids were mine. I mean really! UGH!!! And now it is on the census form too.
Because my kids don’t have enough people who are telling them they are not good enough? They need the government doing it too? UGH!!
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I tweeted about this post and someone just sent me this link, which is the official census explanation/PR:
http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/releases/archives/census_2000/001281.html
still pisses me off!
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Jenna Reply:
March 16th, 2010 at 12:48 pm
Thank you for the link. It further proves that the stats that they’re collecting aren’t the stats that we need. I’ve included it in a BlogHer discussion on the matter. So big thumbs up for the link!!
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The government only has the constitutional authority to “COUNT YOU” every 10 years in a census. All the other information is extra. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO FILL IT OUT. And I won’t. My 2 children are adopted. It is none of the governments business.
And -when you adopt the courts get the records. When you file your tax return with the adoptin tax credit – the IRS gets the records. Don’t these agencies talk? Don’t answer that!
Our privacy is at stake here. For the privacy of my children, I will not answer any questions I feel violates our privacy.
I am steemed that the government is collecting all this information by using scare tactics and force. Maybe they forgot WE ARE AMERICANS. We are the freest peole on this planet and we will not let our freedoms be taken from us.
Sorry- I really am usually much calmer. Ok I feel better now.
:0)
Lisa http://www.warriormama.com
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The idea doesn’t bother me as much as the execution. I mean, statistics may show that X number of kids are adopted in Missouri in a year, but not necessarily where they go. If there was an area for adoption-specific information, I wouldn’t mind. Statistics aren’t kept at a Federal level, and they should be.
However, simply adding a checkbox for adopted v. biological isn’t going to yield any meaningful data, and is only going to make people mad.
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Jenna Reply:
March 16th, 2010 at 12:46 pm
I think this is why I’m so annoyed. The stats don’t show any information. At all. If they did or if I knew they were working on accurate national reporting, I’d be all for it because I think that goes along with some ethical issues. This? Does nothing. Sigh.
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I’m not offended by it. Coming from a research background, I know that it is purely for information-gathering purposes. And yes, I can see that you’ve already refuted that argument. The fact that adopted children have already gone through a court finalization process, though, doesn’t tell any statistics-gathering bodies anything about the composition of U.S. households.
Knowing how hard it is to try to gather data from people, I actually looked at this form and said, “Really? That’s all they want to know?” I mean, it’s a pain and kind of invasive, but if they make such a big, damn deal out of the census every ten years, I would (from a purely research perspective) try to capture a little more information, since it’s the only chance that they really have to get it.
Anyway, I’m not trying to argue with you or anything; I just think this is one time when it doesn’t need to be viewed as differentiating between biological and adopted children. Usually that sets me off, too, but it’s simply not the case here.
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Mara Reply:
March 16th, 2010 at 1:42 pm
Kendra….this Census IS OFFENSIVE if you’re the adopted person and they are YOU for your race and the race of your children. It’s OFFENSIVE because the government sealed my racial and ethnic identity with my original birth certificate.
I wish more non-adopted persons would try to view these situations from the adopted person’s standpoint. I’m 40 years old and I’m sick and tired of having to answer “I don’t know” when people ask me my ethnicity. It’s not fair. IT’S DISCRIMINATION.
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Kendra Reply:
March 21st, 2010 at 4:31 am
You’re making a lot of assumptions about me, and you actually know nothing about me. Don’t assume. I can feel differently without it being wrong. I’m sorry that you’re offended by it, but I don’t share your viewpoint.
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Jenna Reply:
March 21st, 2010 at 1:14 pm
Kendra; I don’t know why that comment isn’t showing who made it. I also haven’t had coffee this morning. I’m sorry if that person’s reply upset you. Unfortunately, I disallowed/disapproved most other comments that “yelled at” my own commenters (instead of yelling at me; I can handle people yelling at me on my blog, you know, but not my readers!) but this one slipped through. Please accept my apologies.
I agree with you 100%. It’s ridiculous that the census is formatted like this.
I am a mother to an adopted child and it definitely offends me.
Reminds me of the time I was in church on Mother’s Day years ago. The pastor was trying to find the mother in the congregation who had the most children. He specified, “I’m counting only children you have given birth to.” Outrageous. I’m sure he was trying to eliminate women who “felt like” they were mothers to children who were in someone else’s family, but in the process he discounted adoption. It was quite offensive to many.
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If they are collecting to find out numbers of how many adoptions happen per year then there should be some follow up questions.
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Jenna Reply:
March 16th, 2010 at 4:27 pm
Yep. This does nothing more than say yes, a kid was adopted here. How and when? Nothing.
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maybe Reply:
March 17th, 2010 at 5:02 pm
Qualitative research would look for information regarding the story – the who, how and why.
The census is focused on the collection of quantitative data (numbers).
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Jenna Reply:
March 17th, 2010 at 5:07 pm
Then that totally goes against your comment you just left below about the miracles of the Census bringing family members together. If more information was provided, I’d agree. With a single check box, no information is provided. At all.
maybe Reply:
March 17th, 2010 at 5:20 pm
The miracle of bringing families together is not the point – census date is released 70 years after the date of the census date. My comment was merely referring to geneological research / long lost, (ie. dead) family members.
maybe Reply:
March 17th, 2010 at 5:21 pm
To further clarify, I am currently using date form the 1920 and 1930 census to locate ancestors. It is quite useful for this type of research.
Jenna Reply:
March 17th, 2010 at 5:23 pm
Again, except that in the issue of adoption, it’s simply not useful if more information isn’t given. Check the adopted box and that leads you to… a dead end. How again is this useful in the future? With adoptions being open and adoptive parents acting ethically with their child’s information, it’s not as if someone would be surprised by this info in 70 years. So what again is it supposed to do?
maybe Reply:
March 17th, 2010 at 5:44 pm
“With adoptions being open and adoptive parents acting ethically with their child’s information, it’s not as if someone would be surprised by this info in 70 years.”
Many people are still afraid to discuss adoption with their children and there will always be LDAs. My apologies in advance to the adoptive parents where read here, but no, I do not trust everyone to act ethically with their child’s adoption information.
“So what again is it supposed to do?”
An example of how I am using census data: my father and his siblings were labeled “orphans” and were unable to ever locate any information about their parents’ whereabouts. I have found the parents’ names on census forms which included where they were living and other children (which would be more aunts/uncles that I was unaware of, meaning more cousins are out there somewhere).
Of course this helps very little as far as why they where called “orphans” and placed in an orphanage (more likely they were abandonded, or wrongfully separated for some unknown reason). But it does give me a little more information on my extended family tree.
Is it illegal to lie on these things? I know that many adoptive parents don’t even tell their children they are adopted. What if they put biological when they were adopted? Would that be fraud?
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Upstatemomof3 Reply:
March 16th, 2010 at 7:51 pm
I’m not sure but I’m pretty sure I am going to refuse to check either box. Not because my children do not know. They do. I am completely honest with them about the way they joined our family. However, I do not think the question belongs there and so I think I am going to refuse to answer it. We will see but at the moment that is my thought on it.
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yeah, this article just wants to make sure that adoptive parents continue to be better for children than biological parents. Cause income is everything.
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That’s pretty weird (our census is in 2011 but I’m betting no question like that).
And the DON’T have a box for “foster child” which is silly as there is a difference between “foster child” and “friend of child in residence/neighbour child/child of college friend who happen to be staying over that night and are REALLY unrelated” which is the only possible box I can see. So they haven’t even got a distinction for that which might actually be a helpful statistic not collected elsewhere. Yes they know how many children go through the foster system, but how many on a single day are actually in foster care, perhaps not.
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how terrible. i’m glad i don’t have to fill it out (canadian). but i did have to fill out an insurance form recently where the only options were “natural son” “natural daughter” or “other”. it blew my mind that i needed to check off the “other” box. people please think.
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Jenna Reply:
March 17th, 2010 at 2:03 am
Other? Classy. I’m sorry you had to endure that. :(
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I am so happy to know that someone other than me was offended! My mouth dropped open TODAY when I opened my envelope…………. and I was most certainly offended.
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I have some thoughts on this:
- The census collects demographic information and being adopted is considered a specific demographic.
- The census is released to future generations for historical and geneological research purposes. Identifying who is adopted may help people identify long lost family members who were adopted into other families.
- I was under the impression that people who adopt have come to the realization that adoption does not equal “as if born to.” (?) We no longer believe babies are blank slates who can be mixed and matched at will – or do we still hold onto this outdated belief, hence the outrage at simply stating a child is adopted?
- Just because a government form lists a child as “adopted” does not mean the parent/child relationship is inferior. By this I mean a check box on a form has little to do with loving a child and the quality of the relationship.
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katie Reply:
March 17th, 2010 at 6:09 pm
I don’t think people assume that a child who is adopted will magically turn into a child who is exactly the same as one born of the family. But adoptive parents know they must not – as happened in former generations – favour a birth child over an adopted child. That’s the sense in which an adopted child is “as if born to”. All children are different and have different genetic and other aspects to their background and must be treated as individuals. That doesn’t preclude them being treated equally.
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As an adoptee, I actually find it a bit offensive when adoptive parents and others act like their adopted children are EXACTLY the same as their biological children are or would be. Frankly, it is dismissive of our biological heritage and makes it seem like we have to deny that we are adopted because supposedly no-one sees us as adopted. It’s like saying you don’t see race – completely dismisses the experiences of that person. As much as you might think it is sweet and kind and what an adopted child wants, we know that we are adopted and thinking that you can change that by ticking a box on a form is ridiculous.
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ElaineP Reply:
March 17th, 2010 at 10:38 pm
While some adoptive families would prefer not to think about adoption and like to pretend nothing is different, it IS different. Pretend and ignore all they want, it is different. We are different from the families that we are raised in. We can smile and pretend that we’re not, but we are.
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Meryl Reply:
March 20th, 2010 at 2:50 pm
I really appreciate Erimentha’s comment. My adopted and foster kids are too little to be commenting in the blogosphere on their own, but I think that they would echo Erimentha’s sentiment. There are lots of different ways to join a family, and though there is no hierarchy among them, those ways are different, and in my family at least, that difference is a source of pride. In our home, we love to talk about adoption and how it makes our family special and different, and I think that, were the adoption box removed from the census, my kids would be pissed … it’s a box they’d check with glee, and then want to talk at you for half an hour about the ups and downs of it all.
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Rock on lady! I find it insane that at 24, years after my adoption, now being an “adult”, people still ask me retarded questions like — no less than 4 days ago mind you — “what’s it like to no have parents?” And I need to grab from every reserve of patience I’ve got not to throttle the idiot. Because, if anything, I’ve had two sets of parents! I am science oriented so I always say “contributors of my genetic material” — and that says a lot because genes are at least half our personhood!
Adopted kids have pressure from all sides to please and conform. Conform to adoptive parents wishes because after all “they chose you”. Conform to society by being grateful after all “you were saved” from whatever “deplorable conditions you may have been raised under in any other country or socioeconomic status”. Deal with medical ramifications if you do not know your birth family medical history. AND to cap it all off, you will always be the exception on legal forms! Your paperwork will always require additional explanation. AND many-many-many people still do not “get it”. AND I am saying this as someone who was raised 20/24 years in urban NYC. You would expect some awareness from urban populations — but no!
And, yes, it is good to speak to our individual experience as adopted children — as some other commentators note. However, parsing us out – for the purposes of a census — doesn’t do that. Child of someone — is a child of someone. Our stories may be different but what the census is seeking is a relationship — probably in relationships to ethnicity/race. The data they’re collecting/making isn’t about our individual experiences. If it was, I would like a box that says ” child adopted into an abusive mentally ill household that I had to suffer through my whole adolescence while being guilted and reminded that I was “so lucky for being adopted because I could have been much worse off”. And that to me is the truth of it — children — adopted or born — suffer or thrive the same at the hands and actions of their parents. So — that– to me — is the same damn box! /end rant
Oh, and if this is for the purpose of “making special programs”. I want a pony! (Then someone can devise a program to study the spoiled expectations of adopted children who think they can have whatever they want. I WANT A DAMN PONY!)
So, in conclusion, dear blogger, I have been directing people to your post when I am too angry to explain how peeved I am by this census and its false distinctions. So, good for you B-mama! & Thank you for everything! ^.^
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I cringed too, I filled it out, truthfully…against my better judgment probably. I don’t know why I expect the government to think before they speak…so how do we fix this issue for the next census? And why after person #6 that the details are not relevant?
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I was very offended as well. So much that I sought out other like-minded adoptive parents online to see if it was “just me”, and found this blog. Personally, I marked a bold message in the margins of my census form that this was an offensive question. The government has no right to gather information on my personal reproductive status, or lack of, to share information with adoption clearinghouses. :-(.
Will there be a check box for children conceived via IVF, donor sperm and donor eggs next time?
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I wasn’t offended and didn’t think twice about it because I thought of it as a way to gather information about the way families are formed. My boys were adopted internationally and one is of a difference race (Mayan/Spanish) so my original thought was that the adoption question was simply a way for them to identify HOW a child from Guatemala came to be in our family.
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I checked the adopted box thinking – well I guess they’ll know how a single white woman has a Chinese daughter.
Do I think it’s necessary, no. Do I think it’s offensive? No more than having no instruction for people to mark multiple race boxes if they apply.
The census bureau obviously does not put the survey through a test to see if it is offensive…truthfully the fact that we have to answer these questions simply is.
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This is offensive to adopted adults who do not know their ethnicity yet are supposed to put it on the census form!!!!
If the government wants to know a person’s ethnicity, they would not seal adoptee’s birth certificates!!!!
The truth of the matter is that the government doesn’t really want the truth.
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As an adoptee and someone who is adopting, I too was frustrated and upset with this box.
But, then I thought, they have every right to “count” the adopted children. I mean, it might help with the adoption tax credit (and give more money to those who have little to help aid in adoption)….ect ect ect.
Not that ATC was the only thing that jumped out at me, there were others….
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As the mother of an egg donI or child, I find this very narrow minded and upsetting. I want to either check every box to confuse or cross out bio and adoptive.
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I had too many thoughts on this….disn’t want to hyjack..
but thank you.. I was inspired to post:
http://www.musingsofthelame.com/2010/03/are-adoptees-different.html
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My best friend called me, very frustrated, when she was filling out the census form. Both her children (my Godchildren) adopted.
I encouraged her to adopt when they had difficulty having a child. She and her husband were fortunate enough to be there when their children were born. She helped deliver the second child. They love those two as much as I love mine. Her children are too young to know the difference between biological children and adopted children. It is not something they choose to share with others, though when the time comes, they will let their children know.
She was shocked, as am I, that there is a box for adopted vs biological children. We both pondered the rationale. We discussed the difference between adopted and foster and why that may be reasonable to record. So far, there doesn’t seem to be a clear one. At the point that state records are available to record adoption stats, I don’t see why it is necessary to differentiate between the two. Families come together in so many different ways that the census can not possibly cover them all and I don’t get where this additional check box adds anything truly of value that couldn’t be found elsewhere..
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As an adult adoptee I rejoice in the fact the census asks this question. It is way past time for the denial to stop and for the life-long issues in adoption to be acknowledged. The adoption industry has gotten away too long with not providing balanced and ethical statistics and information regarding the life-long issues adoptees face. All of society has “bought in” to these myths that adopted children are no different than biological children, and adoptees have paid the price.
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The constitution allows for a census to be taken for counting people, not for being intrusive about your money, adoption, ethic background etc. If you have to sign it at the bottom you are signing a contract with the Government that everything is true. So if you lie on the form you are committing an unlawful act. I did not send in my form and instead sent them a letter stating what information they are allowed to collect and told them how many people live in my house. And yes we have adopted, but on their birth cert. it states Dad and Mom (us) as their parents, no where on the cert. does it state they are adopted or that they are different from any other children. And we find this form to be offensive. What’s next a drop of blood for your DNA? The Government is evil and uses just about everything for evil. Stand up, maintain your God given freedoms.
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Mara Reply:
March 29th, 2010 at 8:48 pm
Your adopted children ARE different. Putting your name where the biological mother’s name should be is a lie.
More progressive European countries, including England, do not seal and alter an adopted child’s birth certificate. The child is issued a certificate of adoption that is used for identification ALONG with their truthful birth certificate.
Why is there a need to lie and cover up the truth? No one should be kept from their biological heritage. NO ONE.
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Jenna Reply:
March 30th, 2010 at 4:37 am
Please do not yell, caps lock style, at other commenters. Bad manners. I can handle people disagreeing with me, caps lock or not. I will not tolerate people yelling at my commenters.
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Mara Reply:
April 9th, 2010 at 10:49 pm
Um, my use of ALL CAPS is not yelling, it is EMPHASIZING. Tolerate people yelling at commenters? Wow, just wow.
Did you know a lot of genealogists/ historians use Census figures to trace their ancestory? This “division” may be benefit for genealogical research. I would not be surprised if in the future we are asked to start listing if we’re gay or straight …
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Mara Reply:
March 29th, 2010 at 8:46 pm
Yes, but not asking if the adults are adopted makes them INVISIBLE.
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