People have doubted me before when I told them that the “agency” with which I worked was fantastically unethical. They don’t know the ins and outs of how I was lied to, how J and Dee were treated and the whole cluster that followed. Some of it does sound rather outlandish. I mean, how on Earth are so-called agencies allowed to blatantly lie to expectant mothers or potential adoptive families in this day in age? Surely that’s a thing of the past.
It’s not.
And so, if anyone ever needed proof that the ANLC has no ethical concern for expectant parents considering adoption, please take a gander at this. Let me screencap it for when it eventually ceases to exist, which can’t be soon enough.
In case you can’t read it, it says:
“Adoption Network Law Center is supporting MTV in casting for the new season of 16 and Pregnant.”
And goes on to say:
“If you are:
- Planning to place your baby for adoption
- Between 15-17 years old
- Less than 7 months pregnant
Then apply here!”
Exclamation point their own!
First and foremost, the fact that an unethical adoption facilitator (as they are not an actual agency and thus not governed by the same state laws) is helping with casting for a teen reality show is alarming. It is jarring. It is a big red flag waving in the air declaring that something is wrong with the system.
It should read:
“Hi, we’re going to use these fun graphics and colors that appeal to your teen senses to draw you in before we speak with your parents. Then we’re going to tell you great things about MTV! I mean, IMAGINE HOW FAMOUS YOU WILL BE! And then we will fill your head full of lies about how you could never possibly be enough for your child and how everything is working against you and how you’d be a bad mom. And we’ll make promises of openness even though it’s not legally binding in most states. And then we’ll give you half truths about the ins and outs of signing your rights away. And then! We won’t talk to you ever again even though we make promises of post-placement counseling. YAY! SO PLEASE APPLY NOW! MTV! SHINY THINGS!”
It goes on.
“I’m looking for a loving family to adopt my baby.”
And they won’t tell you that adoptive families divorce at the same rate. Die at the same rate. Fumble and fall in this difficult economy. You know, just like the rest of us. They’ll paint them as perfect. And, don’t get me wrong, there are gems among them. But they are all human. And they will all make mistakes. And without any help from this specific so-called agency, many will falter and fail when it comes to openness, having no support to turn to when the going gets tough. (Same goes for birth parents.)
What a deal, really. You can lose your baby and be exploited. Swell.
I have issues enough with MTV’s show. I have issues enough with adoption consistently being painted with rosy colors, ignoring the hardship that birth parents endure for decades after the physical act of relinquishment. But this blatant mocking of all things ethical in adoption is a new low for even the lowest of lows in the adoption industry. ANLC is basically laughing in the face of every expectant mother considering relinquishment, every mother who has already relinquished and every mother separated by adoption yet to come and saying, “Tell your story? We’ll sneak around and make adoption look glamorous. And then we’ll shove them over to you after we’re done.” Cackle, cackle, glee, glee.
Cases for ethical reform in the adoption industry are staring us all in the face. They’re screaming. They’re siren-blaring, arms-flailing, jumping-up-and-down in front of us. And no one seems to care.
If you are a teen who has investigated that link and would like to talk with someone (or multiple someones) about adoption, relinquishment, grief and loss, life-long impact on future children, openness and its non-enforceable nature or ANLC, please don’t hesitate to contact me. Please use my contact form and put ANLC/MTV in the subject so I don’t miss it. IP addresses are recorded.
My name is Jenna. I blog here, 
Twitter: KatjaMichelle
says:
There are no words…just massive amounts of disgust.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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That is just sick. And to get these girls into their claws and let them think they have a chance at fame…wrong on so many levels. Thank you for exposing this.
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Twitter: retta719
says:
I think what makes me most sad about this is that the MTV show could be used as a positive vehicle for HELPING pregnant teenagers and showing them that there is help, there are options, there are people who CARE about them and their baby, people who understand their situation and want to help them through all the highs and lows of it – instead here comes this “agency” to help make a vicious mockery of the whole thing.
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As someone who gave birth at 17, this horrifies me on so many levels.
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Twitter: texasebeth
says:
As an adoptive parent this horrifies me and makes me want to scream! So wrong on so many levels I can’t even begin to even comprehend. Is there a link to complain to MTV about this? Or to complain about with the ANLC? I’m linking to this on my FB page and will probably blog about it tomorrow, once my blood pressure goes down.
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I lost all respect for “Dr Drew” after watching his involvment with “16 and Pregnant.” He seems blissfully ignorant of the collateral damage caused by adoption – for mother, for child, for future relationships, for generations to come…
I have a few suggestions for follow-ups shows:
44 and Childless
Middle Aged and Searching
Retired, Reunited, And It Feels Soooo Good (sometimes)
85 and Trying to Figure Out Who Gets my Estate
100 and Still a Slutty Crack-Ho Birthmom
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A new low. Is there anything we can do? An ethics board?
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Twitter: firemom
says:
Your question is exactly why ethical reform is needed. When you consider the fact that individual states govern what is and is not acceptable for agencies AND add in the fact that ANLC is a facilitator parading as an agency and is therefore not held to the same standard, it’s almost impossible to get everyone to work on the up and up. Until ethical, national reform takes place, ethical reform is nearly impossible… and young mothers will continue to be taken advantage of by leeches like this one.
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Okay, this is thoroughly disgusting. I mean really, really, really disgusting. I have little idea about how federal legislation happens. Is this something that Ethica or PEAR are the vehicles for?
Could a concerted twitter attack that mentions both MTV, Dr. Drew and ANLC make an impact? What would you want to say in 140 characters?
On a longer scale is there any legislation that we could be directing our senators and congressmen too?
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Twitter: firemom
says:
I was considering dropping an email to my contact at Ethica. Outside of that, Senators and Congress Reps are busy shooting down adoptees in their fight for their Original Birth Certificates. It is my belief that until that fight is won, we can’t even begin to address the atrocities that exist within the rest of the adoption industry right now. Things like this post will continue to be ignored by the Big Guns until people understand that opening records won’t reduce adoption rates (or that reducing adoption rates isn’t the worst idea in the first place). Of course, that goes back to taking the money out of the equation… and I don’t know how that’s going to happen.
But, I’d love to see a concerted twitter attack. Not sure how to go about it though. (ANLC = @adoptionfeed)
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This is very disheartening, no this is just downright despicable. A new low is right.
Reinforcing the Juno Effect of finding perspective adoptive parents in The Penny Saver. I have one word for these young girls, RUN.
May I link to this post?
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Twitter: firemom
says:
Please do. More voices are always welcome!
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Twitter: 7rin
says:
Yahoo! Answers isn’t the greatest of places, but it does get hit a lot by other sites dredging for content, thus have asked http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110721100449AAwYhO3
:}
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Ugh….
They used a Bethany Christian Services office in Michigan last year for their “adoption” episode. It just reaffirmed my feelings about BCS and its general ickiness…
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Thanks Jenna.
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I was completely disgusted when I saw the add on adoption.com.
It is wrong in so many ways.
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Twitter: Upstatemamma
says:
Oh so disgusting!!! On so many levels. I am so upset I have no words.
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Twitter: thebestforyoubook
says:
I once read an amazing review of a blog that was written by a youngster who will be on the new season of 16 and pregnant. I was intrigued by the authors insights about how she was struggling with the decision of adoption. After I looked at the blog, I went back to the original post I read to see some of the comments. There, in the very first comment block, in black and white was this sentence…”My boyfriend and I are trying to get pregnant to get on this show!” I almost threw up on the keyboard. What a wonderful reason to bring life into the world! NOT!
That mentality is what this “Helpful” show is teaching our youth: get pregnant and get famous. Absolutely disgusting!
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This is incredibly disturbing. I come at the adoption discussion from a different place: My mom surrendered a child for adoption (closed, it was 1960). This impacted all of us kids born after, never mind the enormous impact on my relinquished sister, her mom & my mother.
Adoption reform is LONG overdue. MTV, ANLC, etc., are effectively spitting on that concept.
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I have enough issues of my own with just the show alone…now this? Horrifying and sickening. I can’t even come up with a proper response right now.
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This is beyond vile. Thank you for all the work you do to get the word out.
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I never knew you used ANLC. I almost used them when I placed my son. I had all the papers filled out and everything ready to be mailed back, but something just didn’t feel right. So I called them and told them I found a couple on my own, and promptly switched agencies. I am SO glad I did. This is just disgusting…. I feel for the girls who will end up getting used for this.
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Of course this is like…I just can’t believe that this is like…real..!!
Funny thought though…the cartoon on that first snapshot ad…kinda looks like you…yeah…oh dear…lol…not really funny though…
What is this world coming too.
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oh boy. no words really. except to say that we did receive an information packet from said agency when we were doing our research. we took one look at the glossy package and DVD full of “rosy beautiful” adoption stories and promptly threw it in the garbage.
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As a child of adoption I can’t help but feel a little injured by your post. I’m certain beyond any shadow of a doubt that being adopted (as a newborn) was the best thing that ever happened to me. I respect the difficult decision my bio-mom made and am forever grateful that she loved me enough to let me go. But I feel comforted by the closed adoption and have never had nor will never have (I’m 28 now) the desire to find her. Nor she me, I’m guessing.
While I detest both “16 and Pregnant” and “Teen Mom” and this particular agencies involvement, I think your post is inflammatory and paints all adoption in a bad light. While I agree that reform in the Adoption industry is long overdue and the ethical missteps are egregious, I think people do need to understand that sometimes, in some situations, giving a child up for adoption is the most important, most incredible thing one can do as a parent. I also find a void in the debate where the voices of adopted children should be.
Perhaps the best course of action is to work with the people of and affected by this industry to find the reform we so desperately need than vilifying it.
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Twitter: firemom
says:
I’m super glad your adoption was super great. My story is one of lies, mistreatment and a total lack of consideration for anything ethical. The agency through which I placed was this particular agency and I will continue to out them in hopes that people considering using their services will think twice.
As far as working with the industry, I have spoken at various conferences on the matter. I continue to help adoptees in their fight for their OBCs. I do the work. And I can still call a villain a villain when I see one.
My story does not dismiss your story nor does your story make adoption full of butterflies and rainbows. There is room enough for both of us.
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I didn’t mean to offend you, I just wanted to share a different point of view. I saw a chance to be part of a discussion to which I am inextricably linked and passionate about. However, judging by the condescending tone of your reply, I can tell I did. I find your blog to be insightful and touching and through it have learned a lot about the part of the triad I don’t usually think about. I also applaud the work being done by you and others like you to make this broken, isolating industry more humane.
My adoption was “super great”, but that doesn’t mean I don’t struggle with a lot of the same things that other adoptees do, the specifics of which I won’t bore you. So to boil it down to “butterflies and rainbows” is unfair.
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Twitter: firemom
says:
As it is equally unfair to dismiss my experience because your adoption was great. As it is equally unfair to expect me to champion for the opposite of what I want — blatant reform. You admit that you think rarely about my side of the triad, but I spend countless time championing for yours. Interesting, isn’t it?
Then again, I’m honest about who I am, but you’re not.
I don’t normally take well to people parading as one thing but being another on my site. It’s a red flag troll warning and I’ve had my fair share of trolls. If you’re not a troll, please take this as a warning that using another name while using your real email address is a big warning that you have something to hide and are thus not to be trusted re: comments.
In the future: be honest about who you are and don’t start off a conversation by telling someone that they’re doing it wrong. I have no patience for would-be trolls or people who think their reality is somehow better than my own. I don’t treat others that way and I demand the same respect in my own space.
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Twitter: 7rin
says:
As a adult who was adopted as a child I can’t help but feel a lot angry at your reply to this post.
“giving a child up for adoption is the most important, most incredible thing one can do as a parent”
Yes, because ABANDONING your child always but always screams I love you – not!
The most important and most incredible thing one can do as a parent is to raise your own kid with love and care and attention. ABANDONING said child is the exact opposite of “most important” and “most incredible” thing that a parent can do.
Perhaps also you should take a look at how much is spent on finding out how best to coerce women out of their kids (women ’cause dads never count, if you want to avoid dad issues, just move to Utah):
The National Council for Adoption: Mothers, Money, Marketing, and Madness
* Part 1 @ http://www.divinecaroline.com/22095/39669-national-council-adoption-mothers-money
* Part 2 @ http://www.divinecaroline.com/22095/39676-national-council-adoption–mothers–money-
It’s entirely possible to help someone parent without snatching their child away from them: Each One Help One @ http://www.values.com/your-inspirational-stories/1306-EACH-ONE-HELP-ONE
Abandoned to adoption at 7mths old. I didn’t have a bad adoption – my afamily are the best I could ever have chosen… but if I’d been able to choose, I’d've chosen to be aborted instead. At least then the lifetime of agony would’ve been over in minutes/hours/days, instead of the decades that I’ve been suffering for now.
Abandoned early 1973. Reunited late 2009.
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