Adoption, in General » The Chronicles of Munchkin Land

When I Disappear

Jan 102012

As open book as I am, there are topics I don’t write about here for any number of reasons. Often, I am busy protecting the stories of the others, respecting their boundaries and allowing them their own space to live their own story. Like how I don’t write about the fact that, yes, I do have personal experience with reunion in my family. Like any number of any other things that get too far into the nitty gritty of who we are and why we’re here and what we’re doing. I won’t write some things because I don’t want to.

But sometimes…

Sometimes I can’t write some things because… because I can’t.

I’m rarely wordless. I have lots to say. About lots of things.

But there are topics. There are things. There are emotions and experiences and bouts of depression and feelings and fears and thoughts that I just can’t put out into the great wide open. As much as I’d like to credit myself that I’m just “taking care of me” and “respecting my own boundaries,” it’s not that. Or, it is sometimes. But, with some things, the words simply won’t form.

Sometimes it’s because I’ve blocked something out and have no ability to even go there to form the words, to even find the memories. Sometimes it’s because I know what I want to say… and I don’t want to say it out loud. I don’t want it to be real. I don’t want me to know I feel a certain way, let alone you. And so I’m silent. I don’t go there.

People say things, even with good intentions, not knowing. Or maybe not understanding even if they know. And I blink, force myself to smile and nod. I stumble over some answer I’ve formed over the years. I look away. I disappear inside of myself, somewhere between a memory and a prayer that this conversation will end. Soon.

But it won’t. It doesn’t. It will continue. And I’ll just keep smiling and nodding and stumbling and disappearing.

Why I Won’t Particpate In Your Adoption Awareness (Insert Event Here)

Adoption, in General 16 Responses »

Nov 012011

I just got comment spam on a non-adoption post over at Stop, Drop & Blog “asking” me to participate in an Adoption Awareness Month “event” that an agency — who uses coercive and unethical language on their site — is doing on tumblr. They tried to appeal to me by calling me an adoption advocate.

Uh, no.

Yes, I am an adoption advocate. An ethical adoption advocate. Ahem.

There are many things wrong with how I was approached.

1. I may mention adoption stuff at will on the family blog, but it is not my adoption blog. Reading it at all would tell you that. Pitch me in the appropriate blog.

2. Pitch me in an appropriate manner. Both blogs include not only a contact form but my actual email address in case you think the contact form didn’t work properly. Pitching in the comments is spam, plain and simple. Unless the post was “I’m looking for a great way to improperly promote my own agenda for Adoption Awareness Month instead of focusing on the children in our country who are currently waiting in foster care! Can anyone point me in the right direction?” That would be the only time that a comment of such nature wouldn’t be considered spam.

3. Adoption Awareness Month is not about promoting the wonders of open adoption in hopes of convincing expectant mothers to relinquish. Adoption Awareness Month is about raising awareness that TOO MANY of our children are waiting in our — broken and badly in need of reform — foster care system. This month should not be used for agencies to “get the word out” about how “awesome” open adoption is in hopes of making the proverbial buck. This should be a time when agencies stop trying to attain the almighty dollar and instead point to the foster care system and how our children need homes. This should be a time where we stop and think about those children and how the system is doing them wrong in many ways. This should be a time where we stand up and say that the reforms that are so desperately needed NEED to be addressed. Not next year. Now. The only “open adoption” promotion that should be going on this month is this kind: Showing that you can adopt from foster care and have a successful open adoption with birth family members. That’s it. No domestic open adoption monkey making hoopla. Children finding families. Children keeping roots. Children. Who need homes. Not homes who need children.

I absolutely loathe that domestic newborn adoption agencies attempt to use this month as a way to make money off of adoptive parents and “waiting” babies who aren’t really waiting. I hate that they refuse to acknowledge what this month is all about, who this month should really benefit. I’m tired of being asked to participate in things that don’t even begin to skim the surface of what this month could and should be about. It sickens me that certain agencies are just concerned about their own wallets and not real children needing real homes.

So, no, I won’t participate in your “open adoption tumblr.” I won’t promote your cause, because your cause is not my cause. Even if your cause was my cause, learn how to pitch bloggers. Spam is spam is spam.

/end rant