The Chronicles of Munchkin Land

Those in my smaller personal circle already know the news. I’ve been keeping it under my hat for sometime. Since February, really. At first, I didn’t want to say anything in case it fell through the cracks. But then I signed the contract and my hopes raised a little bit. Still, I knew things could fail and I kept my mouth shut. I worked, feverishly, to create something that represented me (and us) in the best and most realistic way. I wanted feedback but didn’t want to out myself. And so, once again, my Husband took on yet another role in my life as editor. Final copies and edits were decided upon. And still, I said nothing. I feared looking like a failure if something happened. I hate failure. Hate it.

And then the paycheck came. And I shared the news with a few more people. But I didn’t take it “public public” on blogs. A mention on twitter. A photo on flickr. But no “coverage” on any of my blogs. What if the entire company went bankrupt or exploded to smithereens before it all came to pass? I just couldn’t do it.

But I’m physically holding two copies in my hand now. Advance copies, yes. So, something could still explode before it hits newsstands, but I feel pretty confident as, if something bizarre happened, I could scan it for the reading public. What am I talking about?

I’ve been published in Redbook. Of course, it’s about my(our) adoption story. The entire article has seven personal essays that focus on the harder sides of motherhood. (Pregnancy loss, abortion, postpartum depression/psychosis, premature birth, pregnancy & labor complications and  stillbirth.) Oh. And me. I represent the adoption portion of motherhood issues.

My editors wanted me to be honest, to focus on things that were hard. And I did. I did include some points of positivity as well as I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I am lucky and blessed to be a part of a fully open adoption, to be a part of her life. I think I represented myself and our story well. I think I represented mothers of loss in a decent way. Someone, somewhere, will find it too negative, even among the other stories. Someone, somewhere, will find it too positive to represent birth mothers as a whole. But it’s my story. And I told it. With my own words.

None of it would have happened without this blog. This blog that was started and moved around and dissed by others at various points in time. This blog that has garnered me hate mail, nasty comments and people who assume themselves to be my enemies. This blog that I have often wondered if I should continue writing in, if there is any point in sharing my story over and over, in rehashing issues and memories and stories and events and news and emotions.

I’m still feeling reserved on the blog. I’m in a strange place as I deal with my hormonal fallout and postpartum depression but strive for healing and wellness. I don’t always know how much to share and what to keep for myself. But I am re-encouraged to keep writing at this point. What I have to say isn’t always happy. It isn’t always easy. But it’s always my truth. And I’ll keep telling it.

Pick up the May issue of Redbook magazine (Helen Hunt on the cover). To hit stands in a week or two. But keep the hate mail to a minimum. My delete button can only be pressed so many times. Oh, I’m funny today.