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Open Adoption Roundtable #38: What I Want to Say to You on Mother’s Day

Adoptive Parents, Open Adoption 6 Responses »

May 102012

The new Open Adoption Roundtable asks us to:

Write to someone else in the adoption constellation (someone specific or a general group). What do you want to say to them on Mother’s Day?

I want to write three very brief letters to my three favorite adoptive moms this Mother’s Day. They are all very different letters as each of these adoptive moms are vastly different. But all three of them are my friends. I always get offended when I hear that adoptive moms and birth moms can’t ever be friends. I’m all, “Pfft, whatever. I do what I want!” I don’t deal well with being told I can’t do something, so I seem to collect adoptive moms. And, of course, you know, that one that comes with the territory of being a birth mother. I do kinda like her too. (But, let’s face it, she also just kinda fell in my lap.)

Without further adieu, my letters. (Be forewarned, one of these is very irreverent. Because friends can do that.)

– __ — __ –

Dear Dee,

Thank you. You are a strong, amazing, compassionate, loving, funny, great mom. I love that you trust me with parenting questions. I am thankful for the way you love the Munchkin. I am also thankful that we can make fun of stupid people together; what would I do without you?! I wish the world for you in the coming months. I’m always here for you. Can’t wait to see you soon!

Happy Mother’s Day!

Love,
Jenna

– __ — __ –

Dear @2princessmama,

Thank you for proving that adoptive parents are equally crazy by getting a divorce and then shacking up and living in sin. You make birth parents look good. Thanks for taking the time to go to that celebration of stupid crackwhore birthmoms this Saturday, though I know it’s because you want to see for yourself that we have a day that qualifies us as less than you. Also, you owe me wine.

(Don’t you love making people gasp in horror? I do. We’re awesome.)

Happy Mother’s Day — you really are a great mom. Don’t let the young’ns tell you otherwise.

Love,
Jenna

– __ — __ —

Dear @fouragainsttwo,

I won’t be as irreverent as I was with our other Amanda-named-friend, but know that I think you are a fantastic mother to all of your daughters. I am thankful for our friendship, for your mothering, for the way our stories have intersected. Thank you for tolerating me and my noisy boys.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Love,
Jenna

– __ — __ –

I promise you, innocent readers, that none of these letters, even that one in the middle, are written in a mean way. I am super thankful for each of these amazing mothers. They have all taught me something about mothering, about birthmotherhood. They have all laughed with me, cried with me and been angry with me. And, well, uh, probably been angry with me. They have all forgiven me. They are friends. And they are moms who deserve a high five this Mother’s Day.

And wine.

Happy Mother’s Day.

A Public Service Announcement

Adoption, in General, Adoptive Parents 9 Responses »

Feb 182008

This has happened twice in the past week. Twice. And today it made me cry. At 7:30 in the morning. No one should cry that early. Even LittleBrother didn’t really cry this morning. He made some noises, got to eat at the tap and went right back to sleep. It should be a cry-free day. But no. So, I’ve got to say this:

I AM NOT AN ADOPTIVE MOTHER.

I have had two readers in one week leave comments that have chastised me for saying something “off-color” for an adoptive parent. Of course, that makes sense since I’m not an adoptive parent and if you’re reading this blog thinking that, my comments are going to seem really off the wall.

I AM A BIRTH MOTHER. A FIRST MOTHER. A BIOLOGICAL MOTHER. WHATEVER!

When I say that I am not my daughter’s parent, I mean it literally. I do not parent her. I am her first mother but I am not her everyday mother. When I say that I am not her parent or that she is not mine and TheHusbandMan’s daughter (uh, TheHusbandMan is not even her biological father!), I am not dissing adoptive parents. Not in any way, shape or form. My daughter has everyday parents. And they’re freaking awesome. She’s a lucky little lady who has two everyday parents, grandparents around the bend, a first mother who works really hard to be there for her, a biological father who tries to figure out how to handle this, two half-siblings who think she’s pretty awesome and a “Bonus Dad” (aka TheHusbandMan). I would never, in a million years, say that adoptive parents are not parents. I’m not a moron.

I don’t know how anyone could read anything written here and not realize that I’m a birth mother. But here’s a tip. When you’re new to a blog and you think the author has just written something kind of strange, dig a little deeper before you insult them via comment or e-mail. On every single page of this blog is a link to the about the author page. Read it. It’s good for you. Do so on other blogs, too. It’s nice to learn about people. Learning is good.

Now that I’ve been insulted this morning for “dissing” adoptive parents, I’m going to get ready for a really busy week. TheHusbandMan is working a bunch of overtime this week at the fire department because of some illnesses and once at the ambulance company (where he still works on an “as needed” basis) for one of our groomsmen (and his secondary boss there) because C and his wife are finalizing their adoption on Wednesday. Yeah. That’s right. A family with a birth mother in it still supports adoption. Gasp. (That said, J is the most awesome little dude ever. He had a very rough start in life and is very, very blessed to have been placed in C’s family. And? Still has ties to the bio family. Thumbs up all around.)

And just in case you missed it, a quick recap: I’m not an adoptive parent. I’m a birth mother. I don’t hate adoptive parents. I’m just not one. I speak from my point of view, not yours. Any questions? Hit the comments. KACHOW! (What? Cars is on. At 7:50am…)

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