Kate (of the Ohio Birthparent Discussion Group) gets the award for Sharing Info That Makes Jenna’s Head Explode with special consideration for Weekend Ruining. I kid, I kid. My weekend wasn’t ruined (actually, it was lovely, thank you) and my head didn’t explode; steam merely came from my ears. All the same, Kate shared something with me (and Dawn and Marley) that kind of made me twitch. And steam.
She sent me a link to the Adoption Information Clearinghouse. This is no sweepstakes. Nor is it a place where you might find pertinent information about adoption, laws, procedures and so on. No, this is a place where they take the right to privacy for expectant birth parents and jump up and down on it. With soccer cleats. Let me quote the website:
The American Academy of Adoption Attorneys (AAAA) has created this nationwide national clearinghouse to register prospective placing parents. The Adoption Information Clearinghouse (AIC) will certify, based on the information contained in its database, that the prospective placing parent has not sought financial assistance from other participating sources and/or that the prospective placing parent has not committed to any other adoptive family for the same placement.
Okay. You know? I can really stand behind removing fraud from adoption. I can. I hate it. I hate that it’s usually people who have no connection with adoption that fake pregnancies or abuse the system in states that allow potential adoptive parents to pay for certain things during a pregnancy that is “intended” to place. I hate it. It’s an ethics violation and I’m all about ethics. So, yes, I get that wanting to lower the number of fraudulent acts is a worthy cause.
But… (You did know there was a but coming, didn’t you?)
The AIC’s goal?
The goal of the AIC is to allow all parties to a prospective adoptive placement to be more confident in the payment of expenses for a prospective placing parent and in moving forward with an adoptive placement with greater assurance that the prospective placing parent is genuine in her placement plans.
Yes, you read that right. Because I just copied and pasted it right here. In fact, here’s a screenshot in case you don’t believe me.
What that says is, in short:
We are tracking expectant parents considering relinquishment to make sure they pony up the goods (read: the baby) after we pay their expenses (read: you know, subtly coerce her into thinking there’s no other option). Basically, we want to make that these adoptive parents get their rightful baby, because, you know, once a mother even thinks about adoption, that means she should “give up” that baby without hesitation. She has no right to change her mind. Hooray! We are so kind to parents… at least the ones that deserve babies… and pay us the big bucks.
Okay, so maybe my version is a slight bit snarkier. (Stuff like this tends to make me snarktastic.) But that’s what they’re saying.
They get a little bit more specific in their thought process in their information for potential adoptive parents.
For adoptive parents, the benefit of working with prospective placing parents who have CN’s are significant. Placing parents who participate and have been willing to submit the required information to AIC demonstrate their assurance that they are not working with other potential adoptive parents and have not taken payments from others. This should allow all involved to enter into a more positive and trusting relationship. While no system is foolproof, adoptive parents should be more comfortable going forward knowing the prospective placing parent has voluntarily complied with the AIC process and has received a CN. This will demonstrate with greater assurance that the prospective placing parent is genuine in her placement plans and should allow adoptive parents to be more comfortable and relaxed with the adoption plan.
“This will demonstrate with greater assurance that the prospective placing parent is genuine in her placement plans.” Except that she still has every right, with an AIC CN or not, to make the decision to parent. Matching with an adoptive family means nothing. Matching with an adoptive parent just means that, after birth, if the mother decides that she is willing to place her baby, she will most likely go with that family. Who knows. She may meet someone two days before birth through a chance encounter who is a better match. And there’s nothing wrong nor illegal about that decision. And once she holds her baby, she may realize that her previous fears about not being able to parent or worries about finances were not good enough reasons to relinquish. She may take that baby home with her. And it’s well within her rights to do so, matched or not. She has rights.
The good news is that expectant parents considering relinquishment have to agree to be assigned this number.
The process begins when, after obtaining written permission from the prospective placing parent, identifying information is submitted to the AIC to determine whether there is information in the system about the parent.
The bad news is that I’m sure they’re not being told by attorneys or agencies that they have every right to say no. And if they do say no, my guess is that they are being red flagged for potential fraud or, worse, “not being committed to their adoption plan.” As most expectant parents considering relinquishment aren’t given their own legal counsel, it is so easy to walk all over them with regard to their privacy and their rights. This is another example of why ethical reform is necessary. Quite honestly, if you remove all for profit money (for the agency, for anything non medical related for the expectant parent), this issue fixes itself. (For the latter non-medical related stuff, the first stop should be to help a woman get on state assistance. Obviously.) When no one “benefits” financially from this transaction, there’s no need for fraud.
This is really a case of “guilty until proven unworthy to parent anyway.” All mothers (and fathers) considering relinquishment are viewed as potential drug addicts and/or alcoholics who might harm the unborn child who are also interested in pulling a fast one on potential adoptive parents by running away with their money and baby. That’s what this says. Plain and simple. That’s why we drug test mothers. That’s why we don’t tell them the whole truth about open adoptions — both what is available to them regarding fully open adoptions and the laws in their state that may or may not allow those open agreements to be legally enforceable. That’s why we ignore fathers’ rights even more than we stomp on mothers’ rights. That’s why we are so quick to assume the worst about expectant parents considering relinquishment. They are less than. They are the bad ones. That’s why they can’t parent anyway.
I wish I saw a change coming in the future to this train of thought and resulting train of action and reaction. But I don’t. And it breaks my heart that some unsuspecting, expectant mother is going to sign a form that allows her every move to be tracked by people who don’t trust her enough … but will do anything to get her baby. I hope that some of these mothers are more fortunate than I was during their pregnancies and are able to utilize the Internet to Google “Clearinghouse Number.” I hope they land here and realize that anyone — whether an attorney or an agency or a potential adoptive parent — that asks them to do this is not interested in their best interests or the best interests of their child. They are looking out for their own behinds. If they say that they will refuse to work with you if you do not sign, take that as your sign to head in the other direction.
Quickly.