Remember that fantastic woman who went out of her way to give me her unsolicited opinion on the day that I had miscarried our angel? Well, she's still in a less than respectful (on her side) email discussion with my dear friend Breanna. Bre has been attempting to tell this woman that her issues as an adoptee are not her child's issues, firstparents are not inherently evil and, you know, dispelling other myths that this woman tried to sell on my blog.
Well, she made this comment in her most recent email exchange with Bre:
Adoption is the most blessed childbirth experience there is. Having your own is easy.
Anyone else cussing or scratching their heads with me? I'll tackle the first sentence first; attack her blatant stupidity in chronological order.
Adoption is the most blessed childbirth experience there is. First of all, don't end sentences with "is." Moving on from grammatical stupidity, the sentence itself is contradictory. Let's even look past the fact that the actual legal adoption of a child and childbirth are two totally separate entities which happen months, sometimes years apart. While adoptions today allow for the potential adoptive parents to be present for the birth of the child if the Mother agrees to it, the adoptive parents are still not giving birth. So, therefore, to state that adoption is the most blessed childbirth experience for the soon-to-become firstmother is simply ludicrous. I do not know one firstmother who, upon delivering her baby thought, "Wow, that was awesome! Just take my baby away! Woo-ee!" For this woman to claim that "adoption" is the most blessed "childbirth" experience not only makes her seem even more uneducated, both on adoption and in general, but shows that she is trying to justify something in her own life. What about her two other biological children? Were their births not special? Is her adopted child more special than those who came before, from their Mother's body? The answer should be no. Children should be equally special in the eyes of their parents no matter the way in which they entered the family.
Moving on…
Having your own is easy. First of all, we have a pronoun without an antecendent so, just in case you're joining the conversation mid-post, she's referring to children. Having your own children is easy. Really? Ask the majority of my adoptive parent readers and friends. I bet they would argue that point. Ask both of my Grandmothers who suffered multiple miscarriages. Ask my dear friend K who, due to a kidney disease worse than my own disorder, would be putting her life and the life of a child in jeopardy should she decide to have a child of her "own." Ask me. Ask this woman, standing right here, who just had a miscarriage. Ask this woman, right here, who, due to a kidney disorder, had a rough time keeping both children in her womb during pregnancy. Ask this woman, right here, who had multiple bouts of preterm labor, one of which included an ambulance ride. Ask all of the women who have responded in the past few days to my posts regarding my miscarriage if they think having "their own" is easy.
More over, the post on which she originally commented, ironically titled "Own," spoke of how I believe that adoptive parents should love all of their children, adopted or biological, because they are their own. The fact that she used "their own" in the statement is further proof that she is uneducated and insecure regarding adoption issues. Your children are your own; refer to them all as your own, not just the biological ones. I don't know why she chose that particular post to attack when it was, in essence, supporting those adoptive parents who do love the child that has been placed in their family because that child is their own. It is those parents who understand that two sets of parents are not confusing. It is those parents who are secure in their place of Motherhood or Fatherhood and are not threatened by phone calls, emails or visits from firstparents. It is those parents who will truly benefit their children; not only for showing the child unconditional love, but for showing their firstparents compassion and, likewise, unconditional love.
Easy? Take a trip to the bathroom with me in a bit and tell me if having "my own" is easy.