Ethics in Adoption » The Chronicles of Munchkin Land

A Bit of Adoption Wisdom from Harry’s Law

Ethics in Adoption, Television 11 Responses »

Jan 042012

I don’t watch Harry’s Law. I have enough lawyer/law/police TV on my already full TV watching schedule and a DVR that’s too full to catch up on everything anyway. But sometimes the TV gets left on, and twice now I have seen this episode, entitled “American Girl.” I missed the judge’s speech the first time around and it made my breath catch in my throat tonight.

The premise of this particular story is that a Chinese biological family traced their daughter to Ohio. They did not place her for adoption; she was stolen and adopted by an American couple four years prior. The American family thought that they had done everything properly, and all legal documents show that they had. They had no knowledge that their child had been abducted and placed for adoption in an illegal manner. They all landed in court in front of the judge. And she had some questions.

“Have you all gotten together with the child.”

“The attorneys have met briefly with the child.”

“But my question is have you all sat down and tried to work this out.”

“No, your Honor.”

“You just lawyered up and charged into court. Alright. Let me tell you how this is gonna go down. I’ll hear from your side, then yours. But you all need to get this. Right now. Those are the biological parents. You cannot change that. And you need to get this. This little girl has been raised, by them, since the age of two. They’re a part of her life. A big part. Like it or not, you’re all in this pot. One side does not get to erase the other. Do you understand me? The five of you will likely be in each other’s lives forever.”

There are some things here that are generally awesome, especially for television.

First and foremost, that we’re even discussing that illegal, abduction-based adoptions even exist is a good thing. There are things that need to be considered and understood when starting down the path of international adoption. The scenes where the biological parents are freaking out that she no longer remembers them and the little girl speaks up in Chinese and says that she does, in fact, know who they are and that she remembers them… well, count me as one of the sobbing. I’m not a member of the international adoption niche, but I can tell you that the more discussions we have about ethical adoptions the better. Even if we’re not talking about my little niche of adoption, I want ethical reform. For all adoptions. For all members of the triad. End of discussion.

Of course, the episode got into some undertones of adoption when we see that the judge, herself, was adopted and, thus, struggled with her own emotions. It’s really another point that not even judges come into adoption law without their own personal opinions as to who a child really belongs with. Again, it’s an important discussion: It’s hard to change society’s views because everyone thinks that their experience is the right one.

Getting beyond that part, let’s get to the meat and potatoes of what the judge said.

“Like it or not, you’re all in this pot. One side does not get to erase the other. Do you understand me? The five of you will likely be in each other’s lives forever.”

I want to send people that statement every time they start whining about the other side of the triad. When a birth parent does something “unsavory” or, gasp, cusses. When an adoptive parent pushes too hard — or not enough. When the two adult sides can’t manage to act like adults, be civil and work together. I don’t care if she’s snobby. I don’t care if he’s rude. I don’t care if you’d never otherwise hang out with that person under any other circumstance.

The truth is this: That child brought you together whether you really wanted to be brought together or not. Get over yourselves. Get your head in the game. Get back to the heart of the matter. Whether you shut the door or not, you’re still in each others’ lives. Why not act like a compassionate, real human being?

All that said, don’t watch the end of the episode unless you want your heart ripped out. And stepped on. Twice over.

Which Is Worse: An Unsubstantiated Rumor or Charging Different Prices for Race?

Agency Lies, Ethics in Adoption, Racism 22 Responses »

Nov 282011

They don’t seem to learn, do they?

There I was, minding my own business, not even planning on blogging on Chronicles today (or this week, or… well…), when a comment came in on an old post from March of this year. Odd, I thought. I figured it was spam. It was better than spam!

It was an adoption agency worker! Swell.

You can view the thread that Heidi from Adoptions from the Heart decided to crash, get name-cally, get angry and then seemingly apologize for at the end in its entirety over on the original post. What’s not on the post is her email that she sent after she faux-apologized. So we’ll put it here.

You say that you would only delete a comment or get upset if someone was personally attacking your family. The negative rumors on your blog are attacking my family. Not my work family but my actual family. I have no problem with people sharing their opinions and I expect to hear negative feedback occasionally. I hear lots of good feedback as well. Maxine is my mother, she founded this agency, so when I read false rumors being spread through the internet it is like a personal attack. Negative feedback is one thing rumors are another. I would have completely understood if you had taken that comment and investigated it and if you found something posted your findings but to put it out there the way it is hurts not only the agency and my family but also those families and women who are working with us. I apologize for not leaving information and moving on – the comments are getting out of hand and they are turning into an attack on me personally now . You want to protect those who feel free to post on your site and have it be a safe place for them to express themselves, yet I am being blasted for expressing mine.

I share that so everyone doesn’t think that the discussion ended with her “apology.”

Because my blogging ethics were called into question, let’s take a closer look at the ethical train wreck that is Adoptions from the Heart.

Want to know my Number One Reason for Hating Adoption Agencies? And it’s not how they treat or mistreat birth parents. It’s treating children like a commodity and, more specifically, treating non-white children like a lesser commodity. That’s right: Adoptions from the Heart charges different prices by race.

From their “domestic minority” pdf (as a warning, the monetary breakdown of how much children cost night make you sick):

Placement fees for African-American children are subsidized due to the great need for families to adopt children of this heritage. Placement fees can be found on our fee schedules. Fees and costs for the program are based on the fee schedule in effect at the time services are provided.

And, it gets even better from their FAQ:

8. We have wonderful biological children and want to adopt in order to give a child a home, do we have to be infertile to adopt?
Not necessarily. Currently there are less available Caucasian infants than there are families requesting to adopt them. Therefore AFTH will not be accepting applications for our Caucasian adoption program from families who are able to conceive a biological child. However, there is a need for families for African-American children in the US and many International adoption programs that allow families with children to adopt.

And so, in short, you can have yourself a black or biracial baby for cheaper! And if you can have your “own” babies, well then, you can still get one of our cheaper African American babies! See! We’re doing you a favor.

So, let’s get down to it if we’re going to talk about ethics, information sharing and the adoption industry. Suz saying, in the comments of a post specifically asking for information about adoption agencies, that she had unsubstantiated information and that it was hearsay was not an unethical discussion. Me asking for more information, but not following up because the couple adopting found out the unethical race issues in this post before I could even share the original post with them, is not an ethical misstep on my part. What was an unethical misstep on my part was not going back to the original post an letting all readers know that Adoptions from the Heart treats children of AA heritage as though they are somehow less than.

Price breakdowns by race are disgusting. (Of course, price breakdowns for any adoption at all really rub me the wrong way, but by race is horrifying. This is 2011, darn near 2012.) I don’t want justifications like “biracial babies are harder to place” or any such nonsense. Stop doing it. It’s wrong. It’s ugly. And, when it comes down to it, it’s just about the almighty dollar for the agencies. It’s not about “finding homes for the harder to place biracial children.” It’s about agencies knowing that they can charge more for white babies; it’s about knowing how to make more money.

And it’s disgusting.

Call me unhappy. Call me upset. But call a spade a spade: Adoptions from the Heart isn’t concerned with ethical adoption. They’re only concerned about “rumors” on the Internet and how they may or may not be perceived by those considering adoption. The truth, not the rumor, is this: Charging different prices for race is unethical. End of discussion.