I came across Project Forgiveness this morning via a tweet from SavvyAuntie (her blog). I clicked, not knowing what to expect. I mean, forgiveness is a concept that comes with a lot of baggage. It’s true that sometimes forgiveness is easy. For example, I forgave my oldest son for pinching me the other day. He wanted my attention and I was nursing his younger brother. I told him that wasn’t appropriate, explained an appropriate way to get my attention and moved on to figuring out what he wanted. But forgiveness isn’t always that easy.

It took a long time to forgive the Munchkin’s birth father. It did. I’ll admit it. It took time, therapy and some soul searching to come to a point of forgiveness. Weirdly, once I got to that point, his apology came shortly thereafter. It took less time to forgive my parents only because I was offered that apology earlier on. The one I have struggled most with, of course, is forgiving the agency because, as they said via their letter when the Better Business Bureau got involved (at my prompting), that they would not apologize. And while it’s true that an apology doesn’t have to be offered in order for a person to forgive, well, it’s harder. It just is.

Anyway, I’d be interested in seeing if adoption ever makes it. (Currently no search options match adoption. I haven’t searched all the way through the archives to read any graphics.) Abortion has one. I’m not sure what my adoption related one would be but I’ll mull it over. I do have regrets and guilt and so on, and yet, most of that is directed at myself. Ah, maybe that’s the concept I need to explore. (If you’re not following me on twitter, please do!)

(Also, sorry that this is the second time it is appearing in your reader. I kind of broke my blog. Oh, technology.) THIS POST IS FORMATTED WEIRD… I don’t know why. Sorry.

For those readers whose have had issue with their parents’ involvement in the relinquishment of their child, I need to know how you worked on forgiving them for their involvement and/or I need to know why it is too hard for you to do such a thing. I’m working on a brief post or two for the birth/first parent blog and …

quite frankly…

I don’t know if my own answer applies to the majority of birth parents who took issue with their parents. For me, it took becoming a daily, everyday parent (to BigBrother) for me to realize that I wanted a bond with my Mom and Dad, past issues be darned, and that I was going to just go ahead and let my own walls drop. Of course, in letting those walls drop, my Mom and I had some great discussions about why things happened the way they did (thus leading me to find out about the severe miscommunication) and, in that, I was further healed. Again, I don’t know or think that this is how all birth parents come to forgiveness and I know a few who have felt even MORE angry with their parents upon becoming everyday parents. So, obviously, going off of my own experience here doesn’t fully answer the question.

Help me out with a comment, e-mail or post on your own blog. (Also, any links to sites about forgiveness and/or quotes about forgiveness will be appreciated and welcomed. I have one already but I think that I may need one or two more!)