8

There She Grows

Mmhmm. She’s the most beautiful little girl on the planet. I’m not the only one who thinks so, either! And, for those wondering, her first day went smashingly. She made a sunshine picture and, unlike the rest of the kids in the class, she was overly careful (ahem) to make sure that the rays went the whole way around the sun.

Yep. Cutest and smartest.

Nope. Not biased at all.

(And for those wondering about me, I’m doing “fine.” Obviously, as you can figure from the picture here, D took the time to share some pictures with me tonight, including a shot of her uber-cool shoes. I got to hear the stories. And I was proud. On our household end, BigBrother kept me busy with the transition from crib-to-toddler-bed. Life doesn’t slow down much, does it? I did indulge in a chocolate ice cream bar this evening. And earlier? My Husband brought me a Milky Way. He knows me or something.)

5

Making It

I woke up this morning. Very early. Too early. I went back to sleep. Eventually, a noise from BigBrother’s room woke me up. I rolled over quickly and looked at the clock. It read: 9:22, meaning that it was 9:12. Munchkin started school at 9:00. If I was to talk to her, I had to call before 8:30. I had failed. Again. I rolled back over, buried my face in a pillow and thought about my failure. Four minutes later, I noticed that the room didn’t seem the right shade of brightness for 9:12. I rolled back over. This time the clock read 8:26, meaning it was 8:16. I need to remember to put my glasses on when I look at the alarm clock.

I got up, found my cell phone and called. D answered and asked Munchkin if she wanted to talk to me. She did. She told me that she was wearing pink and that her backpack had Hello Kitty on it. She told me she was excited. I said that I was excited for her and very proud. I said that I loved her. She told me that she loved me, too. I held back the tears until I finished up the conversation with D. Then I wept into my coffee (already made by my Husband) and blackberry jam toast (craving as of right now).

I busied myself with work and discussions with BigBrother. Then I showered. Not alone, of course, because if Mommy’s in the shower, well, BigBrother has to be in there, too! I got ready. I left for the post office and the library. And I drove fast. With the windows down. It was just barely 70 degrees at that point and, oh, it felt heavenly. The radio was up though I don’t recall what was playing. I just let my foot hit the gas and away I went. Sometimes it’s nice to own a Mustang.

Upon returning home, I spent some time playing with BigBrother. And then we ate lunch. And then he went down for his nap. And then I went outside to cry for a little bit. It’s strange. To live your life in your normal, everyday function, all the while deeply aware that your child is hitting this huge milestone. There’s no pomp and circumstance over here today. It’s business as usual. It’s strange to be torn in two directions. My heart can simultaneously be with the Munchkin as she starts school. And still here with my Son as he runs around the living room with the mixer beater saying, “Beater! Beater!” (Toys are beneath this child. He’s going to be a chef.) All the while, it makes me more and more aware that a mother’s heart knows no limits to its capacity to love. My mind, however, gets jumbled and wires get criss-crossed.)

I’m wearing the necklace, as you can see. I wore it yesterday as well. I’ll probably wear it for awhile. Last night, BigBrother sat on my lap as we sang songs before bed time. He pointed to the necklace and asked “Wassat?” I said, “A Heart.” He repeated the word. I said it was a necklace. He repeated heart. I said it was a special symbol between Munchkin and Mommy. He pointed at the wall and said, “NONNA!” We got her picture off of the end table and talked about her for awhile and how she was going to school. Eventually this turned into a discussion about school buses and he was off to play. My heart melted. My son knows his sister. He says the word sister. He loves his sister.

I’m sad today. But, with all the little things between last night and this morning, my heart is just very full. Not as empty as I had expected. Oh, that’s not to say that I am still not filled with a longing to be with her today; I am. But, the little things. They add up, don’t they?

6

Generic Magnadoodle Love Messages

We have a Magnadoodle in our house. It’s generic. (I’m thrifty, if you remember correctly.) Every night, after BigBrother is in bed, I clean up the toys in the living room. As I get everything in its place, I erase whatever has been scribbled upon the Generic Magnadoodle throughout the day and replace it with a message. The whole process reminds me of how, on the show Friends, they would have a new message or drawing on the Magnadoodle that hung on JD and Chandler’s door in each episode. (That said, I was interested to find out, via Wikipedia, that the Magnadoodle followed JD to California for his short-lived spin-off. Good stuff!)

The messages are usually sappy in nature and intended for either TheHusbandMan or BigBrother. Things like, “I love my Bubba,” have appeared along with, “Oh, it’s what you do to me,” which is a lyric from a song that TheHusbandMan and I sing to each other as of late. Yes, I’m really that cheesy of a Mom. It’s just who I am.

And so, this evening, as I cleaned, bummed that I missed talking to Munchkin because she went to bed early and, prior to that, I had been involved in the biggest Book Reading Fest that BigBrother and I have had in a long time… I finally got everything put in its place. I erased the message from the Generic Magnadoodle. And I thought about what I would write. A message for either BigBrother or TheHusbandMan just didn’t seem to cut it. Not that they don’t deserve special messages. They do. And they get them. But it wasn’t their turn.

And so:

No. She won’t see it in the morning because she won’t wake up at my house. But someday, maybe, she’ll look through my pictures. And it will be there, among all of the others. And maybe she’ll know how much she was on my heart and mind as she made her way into a new era of her life.