Yes. I did it. And it was totally on a whim. My Mother-in-Law came over to play with the boys last Friday evening, leaving me with some time to myself. I went to get ice cream because that’s a quick escape for any Mom who has had an all-too-long kinda week. On my way home, I saw our movie rental place. And I pulled in. Parked. Got out of the vehicle. Walked in. Said hello to my favorite movie rental folks. And before I knew what happened…
I walked directly to the spot where Juno covered an entire section of the wall. I picked one up. I walked to the counter. I paid for a one night rental. Said thank you with a smile on my face. And walked back to my vehicle. As I drove home, I told myself that I would only watch it if the boys went to bed at a decent time. I was caught off guard when the older went to bed without issue at 7:30 and the younger one was asleep by 8:15. I cleaned up some, trying to avoid the movie in my purse. But finally I found myself without anything to do.
So, I put it in the DVD player. Sat down. And watched it.
I didn’t watch it all the way through without stopping. I had to pause the movie, more than once, and walk away, pretending like the movie wasn’t affecting me in such a deep way. But it did.
Let me tell you. The movie hurt. It wrecked me. I felt it to my very core. Comedy, my butt. Okay, yes, there were times that I laughed early on in the movie. I did enjoy Ellen Page and her parents. Some of the jokes really had me laughing. But the laughter soon stopped.
Like someone else, I must disagree with the much-quoted point that Juno showed no emotion. In the van when she’s trying to decide whether to continue in the placement plan with the entirely too messed up family? Didn’t you see the anguish cross her face? Didn’t you hear her internal struggle as she tried to decide whether she wanted to hand the baby from her single-parent offerings to another single parent? Did everyone miss that? Didn’t it kill you inside that she was even having to make this decision?
Didn’t you want to cheer for her stepmom when she lambasted the ultrasound technician with snark and cutting words? At the same time, in that very moment, didn’t you want Juno to say, “Hey, Stepma, you’re right! I would do a bang-up job! Let’s do this.” Obviously, it didn’t happen that way.
And here’s a look into my personal evening with the movie:
I sobbed for the last 15-20 minutes. I don’t mean that a tear was making its way down my cheek. I mean full, loud sobs. Our window was open so I’m sure that my neighbors thought I was having a nervous breakdown. But I sobbed. Loud. Hard. It was all so very… similar. My water broke at home. My Mom and my best friend, ALSO NAMED LEAH, were by my side as I labored and delivered my beautiful child. (Obviously, a girl, not a boy.) My Dad was in the hospital with me at one point when Mom couldn’t emotionally swing it. We had some quiet moments.
It hurt. It hurt so badly.
And so, here’s the shocker: I didn’t hate the movie. But I won’t be watching it again or owning it. It hurts me on so many levels. I see so much of myself in the movie, in the character. No, I wasn’t quite as sarcastic and I actually saw my child in the hospital but I did play it off, before, during and after, like it wouldn’t hurt me to place my daughter. (You know, since everyone said I would just get over it.) I’d like to see a movie featuring Juno’s emotional state on her son’s first birthday as that’s when everything came to a head for me. I see so much of our story in the plot. It’s all too very real for me.
I meant for this to be eloquent but it didn’t turn out to be… the movie still has this strange hold on me. It leaves me feeling empty and sad. It brings up memories of my own experience that I would rather leave buried. It brings up emotions that I’d just rather not deal with when trying to be “entertained.”
“It’s just a movie.” Sure. It’s just a movie. Unless it’s so close to your own story that you’re forced to relive the most challenging and devastating experience of your life.
