2

Imaginary Friends

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.” -Albert Einstein

D has been telling me stories about the Munchkin’s imaginary friend. This friend’s name is Sarah. And she lives on another planet. The Munchkin comes up with some really outrageous, uber-imaginative stories about Sarah and her escapades. I enjoy being updated about the most recent adventures of the Munchkin and Sarah.

D and I were talking the other night. She informed me that Sarah has a birth mother. I thought that was amazing enough. But then she told me Sarah’s birth mother’s name: Janennanise. The Munchkin combined our names. I was so amused, so happy and so touched all at the same time. And then I was pretty sure that the Munchkin was a creative genius. Right? Isn’t she? I think so.

I mean, take Einstein’s quote. She’s taken her knowledge of what she knows and turned it into something of her own. I liken it to how I learn something better when I teach it. I tutored a student in Spanish once. She was in my same class but was struggling greatly. I didn’t miss an answer on any of those tests that I helped her prepare for because teaching her helped me get a better handle on the language. (I suppose it didn’t hurt that I was good with languages.)

All the same: she knows I’m her birth mother. She doesn’t view the concept of birth mother as a bad thing. And, really, that feels totally awesome. Kudos to her parents for creating an environment in which imagination is encouraged to grow and grow. Kudos indeed!

2

A Ramble of Sorts

I step away from reading and commenting for a few weeks to do some personal healing and introspection and people lock up their blogs. What has been going on in the adoption blog world? What kinds of drama have I missed? How interesting. How saddening. Or, is it sad?

I’ve often wondered if I should lock up or shut down. Every time I consider it, I decide that’s not the route I want to go. Those are the times that you will see me very little in your blogs or on my own blog(s). As I debate with myself over right and wrong and left and right and up and down. I’ve been so busy putting my own emotional state of being back together that I’ve missed what’s been going on. I feel out of the loop…

and yet, that doesn’t seem to bother me to the point that it once might have not all that long ago.

For me, especially here on this particular blog, my point of writing has become less about this, that or the other thing and more about me, us and our story. And I think that’s why I’ve been so quiet. I don’t have much to report, add to or sort through regarding our story. Things being what they are, I don’t have anything to “chronicle” as it were. I discuss adoption issues as they stand on the birth parent blog and find this the place where I like to remain personal in our adoption journey.

I’m rambling, of course, trying to make sense of what I’m attempting to say. But this blog will be around for quite some time. Until I forget to pay a bill or something. (Last one went to my spam box! Oh noes!) I do foresee a change in what I address on this blog though. Not that I won’t be linking to vitally important issues (like this one!) but, oh, I don’t know. Perhaps I’ve just spent so much time and energy focusing on the outside world over the past two years that I was left with little room or time for myself.

And even still, I’d rather focus on my children than myself. Such is life in my heart.

(All that said and to contradict everything in this post, I’ll be addressing Juno at length tomorrow.)

01

Having an Okay Day

A weight lifted. Not all the way off of my shoulders exactly. I still feel overwhelmed and overtired and overstimulated and over… everything. But…

Have you ever just re-focused yourself? Reminded yourself about the ultimate goal instead of the immediate problem? I’ve been doing a lot of that over the past week or so. Not that I’ve had a lot of time to devote to myself and my healing. Motherhood, wifely-ness and writing have been demanding my focus as well. But I’ve found bits and pieces of time, just here and there, to take a look within myself. I’ve journaled on paper. I’ve thought out loud. I’ve taken walks. Granted, the walks were with the boys but one falls asleep and the other chats to himself the whole time so I can think about things but still say, “Yes, the car is red.”

I don’t feel great about everything that’s going on. I don’t know what the outcomes will be. I don’t even know what I should be doing really… except focusing on what is important. And that’s my daughter. I need to keep doing what I’m doing: writing my monthly letters, sending pictures of the boys (her brothers) and being as present as I can be. I made promises. I will keep them. And I will have faith that everything else will come together for good.

Easier said than done, I know. But tonight, my outlook is positive. I can’t guarantee that I will feel the same tomorrow. But tonight feels good in my soul.