A weight lifted. Not all the way off of my shoulders exactly. I still feel overwhelmed and overtired and overstimulated and over… everything. But…
Have you ever just re-focused yourself? Reminded yourself about the ultimate goal instead of the immediate problem? I’ve been doing a lot of that over the past week or so. Not that I’ve had a lot of time to devote to myself and my healing. Motherhood, wifely-ness and writing have been demanding my focus as well. But I’ve found bits and pieces of time, just here and there, to take a look within myself. I’ve journaled on paper. I’ve thought out loud. I’ve taken walks. Granted, the walks were with the boys but one falls asleep and the other chats to himself the whole time so I can think about things but still say, “Yes, the car is red.”
I don’t feel great about everything that’s going on. I don’t know what the outcomes will be. I don’t even know what I should be doing really… except focusing on what is important. And that’s my daughter. I need to keep doing what I’m doing: writing my monthly letters, sending pictures of the boys (her brothers) and being as present as I can be. I made promises. I will keep them. And I will have faith that everything else will come together for good.
Easier said than done, I know. But tonight, my outlook is positive. I can’t guarantee that I will feel the same tomorrow. But tonight feels good in my soul.