2

Will This Be the Change We Need? I Dare to Hope.

I wrote this last night right after it was announced that Ohio went blue.

I grew up in Western Pennsylvania. And my heart will always reside in Pittsburgh. I will forever bleed black and gold.

And, truth be told, I’ve never really been proud to be an Ohioan. I’ve been the butt of jokes and I just wanted to say, ”BUT! I’M NOT REALLY!”

Until tonight.

My God, we’re going blue. I had hoped. I had prayed. I had thought that maybe it was possible. But I’m cynical and skeptical and I just didn’t think that my vote and my friends’ votes and the votes of others like us would overcome the votes of my in-laws and our neighbors. I was almost out of hope.

But, darn it, I’m an Ohioan. You can’t blame me (or us) this year or for the next four years.

I’m so choked up.

That was before the announcement that Obama had won. And yes, I cried. My Husband gave me a big, big hug and I just cried. I had dared to hope. I had dared to dream. But I had this small voice in the back of my head that said it wasn’t possible. I let myself worry which, of course, is part of my nature: I’m a worrier.

I’m proud today. I know the long road that lies ahead of our President, our new Congressional leaders and for us as concerned citizens no matter who we voted for yesterday. I’m well aware that there are no easy answers or changes. In fact, change often sucks. I normally hate change. But I’m ready for it. Apparently others were as well.

Now if only I could get a personal interview with President Elect Obama and/or his very intelligent wife and find out their stand on adoptees gaining access to their Original Birth Certificates. I know, I know. There are much bigger changes that will be concentrated upon but, well, with the successful election of Obama, my heart is daring to hope that maybe all of this other change will lead to the change that so many have been longing for and dreaming of for so, so long.

Maybe this really will be the change we need.

4

You Can Tell Me That Race Has Nothing To Do With It

But it does.

I live in Ohio. And here? Race has everything to do with it. Okay, well, not everything. Those who aren’t concerned about his “being black” are concerned with the “fact” that he is Muslim. Or that he kills babies. Or that he’s the anti-Christ. But, yes, most of it goes back to his skin color. And this drives me absolutely insane. (Obviously, there are intelligent, non-bigots that support McCain but even those among my real life friends have talked about this sad reality.)

I made it out to a rally yesterday. My first and, obviously, only of the season. I missed previous ones due to short notice, other plans and random illness(es). All the same, standing outside yesterday, even though it was in the upper 60’s, has left me almost without a voice today. (My chorale director will be thrilled, no?) I stood there, in what was touted as Columbus’ biggest rally ever, and looked at the people around me. White families. Black families. Hispanic families. Mixed families (which included one in our group).

It was just very moving to me. To see people in this state, of all states, come together. To hear them united in a cause instead of spewing hate at one another. To feel encouraged that Obama might actually win instead of discouraged by the words of hate that I’ve had to endure for months and months. To feel that perhaps change is possible. And not even all of the change that even some supporters are skeptical of Obama delivering. While it would be great if everything fell into place, I’m well aware that it will be a tough, long road for some of the reforms.

But the change I’m looking forward to?

When my daughter and her daughter and my friend’s daughter who was with us might actually be able to believe that they, too, could be President. When gender won’t be an issue. When race won’t be an issue. Well, maybe not the complete absence of an issue. But perhaps to the point where those who actually vocalize their distaste in voting outside of their own racial identity will be in the vast, vast minority and shunned as the ignorant fools that they are.

Someday we’ll be able to stand together, even in this strange state of Ohio. Until then, my task is to raise my sons to feel and think the same way despite what others around them may do or say. And, sadly, that will be a task enough in itself thanks to the hatred that lives in this area.

But I’ll hold out hope. Tomorrow and always.

16

No One Cares

I understand when Ultra-Right-Wing Conservatives don’t give a rip about the horror stories that birth mothers are living through on a day-to-day basis. I understand when they don’t want to hear about our plight, our hardship and our push for reform. I understand that they have a skewed view of what opening adoptees records will do to adoption. I understand that their one-sided view of the abortion topic totally renders their ability to look at adoption without rose-colored glasses impossible.

But I hate when so-called liberals tout adoption as the “easy answer.”

I was reading an extremely well-written post over at Momocrats. It’s a place that I’ve been feeling that I “belong” and “fit in” because my views have been expressed not only by posts but by comments from like-minded individuals. And then today happened. And I feel, once again, like no one on Earth is ever going to care about reforming adoption. I am frustrated. I am angry. And I am tired of being alone.

The very first comment on the thread made my head explode and my heart cry:

I also wonder why the immediate kneejerk solution is marriage to the father. I would think for those who are pro life and find themselves pregnant, an open adoption is an excellent option.

But that probably isn’t an option for someone who is in the public spotlight like this – not with the whole family values thing.

There are so many families all over the world who desperately want a baby but are unable to have one. In the US a lot of these families end up going overseas to adopt.

In my opinion, it is a great shame that adoption is not promoted more as an option for teenagers who find themselves to be pregnant.

First and foremost, “open” adoption is not a bandaid for the grief and loss experienced by birth mothers. It’s just not. You can dress it up all pretty with nice words. You can try to make it sound like a great solution. I’m sure that commenter doesn’t even know that open adoptions are not legally binding in all states, only causing a huge crisis in our country of birth mothers who have lived through the immediate horror of relinquishment and then forced to live through another severing of their lives with their child. It’s an epidemic as of late! But, hi, the NY Times hit on the reason that attitude bothered me just today in an article about Virtual Twinning and adoption:

“Adoption should be about finding families for children, not about finding children for families,” she said. “In many cases parents are doing this without understanding what the ramifications are. I think it’s fine to do it if people are well aware that doing it may be very difficult.”

But even my own like-minded people don’t view adoption in that way. It’s about giving babies to families who want them. Bristol’s child is not unwanted, folks. Unexpected? Totally. Unplanned? Yes. Scaring Mom and Grandma out of their minds? 100% sure that’s the case. But I’m pretty darn sure that baby is very much wanted at this point. How am I pretty darn sure? Seek out blogs by other birth mothers and find me one who says, “Nah, I didn’t want my kid so I gave him up.” You’ll be hard pressed to find one. (For reference: I’m not talking of children who were removed from abusive homes.)

I don’t even want to talk about “promoting” adoption to teens. The ethical implications of “birth parent” “marketing” really make me ill. Until you have been solicited by an agency on a Social Media site, don’t talk to me about “birth parent” “marketing” and promoting adoption to our “teens.”

The comment above made me cry, folks. Sometimes I feel like all the work I do is in vain. Is no one hearing me? Is no one listening? Or do they simply just not care? Will adoption always be touted as the “answer” to the “abortion problem” or is anyone going to stand up and do something? Am I always going to be ostracized by political candidates who don’t understand or even know about the issues that I face? Neither Obama nor McCain care about adoptees rights or ethical counseling for expectant parents considering relinqiushment or how adoptive parents can close an open adoption without reason or recourse for the birth family. No one cares!

And it’s getting really tiring to realize, over and over, that no one in power gives a flying Fig Newton about the experience you have lived or the changes you wish to make. It’s getting really, really hard to continue to have faith in hope and change at all, no matter who is elected. I want my daughter to have access to her birth certificate. I want future birt mothers and birth fathers to be treated with respect. I want future adoptive parents to be counseled on the true trials in open adoptions. I want unethical adoption agencies to be held accountable. I want someone to stand up and say, “SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE ABOUT THIS!”

But no one cares. Not even people I identify with. Ostracized for another election. When will it end?

(Of note: I do not vote single issue for candidates. If I did, I wouldn’t ever have anyone to vote for. I will still be voting for who I believe is the lesser of the two evils when it comes to this topic and many, many others. But I’m just tired of being ignored.)