I grew up in Western Pennsylvania. And my heart will always reside in Pittsburgh. I will forever bleed black and gold.

And, truth be told, I’ve never really been proud to be an Ohioan. I’ve been the butt of jokes and I just wanted to say, ”BUT! I’M NOT REALLY!”

Until tonight.

My God, we’re going blue. I had hoped. I had prayed. I had thought that maybe it was possible. But I’m cynical and skeptical and I just didn’t think that my vote and my friends’ votes and the votes of others like us would overcome the votes of my in-laws and our neighbors. I was almost out of hope.

But, darn it, I’m an Ohioan. You can’t blame me (or us) this year or for the next four years.

I’m so choked up.

That was before the announcement that Obama had won. And yes, I cried. My Husband gave me a big, big hug and I just cried. I had dared to hope. I had dared to dream. But I had this small voice in the back of my head that said it wasn’t possible. I let myself worry which, of course, is part of my nature: I’m a worrier.

I’m proud today. I know the long road that lies ahead of our President, our new Congressional leaders and for us as concerned citizens no matter who we voted for yesterday. I’m well aware that there are no easy answers or changes. In fact, change often sucks. I normally hate change. But I’m ready for it. Apparently others were as well.

Now if only I could get a personal interview with President Elect Obama and/or his very intelligent wife and find out their stand on adoptees gaining access to their Original Birth Certificates. I know, I know. There are much bigger changes that will be concentrated upon but, well, with the successful election of Obama, my heart is daring to hope that maybe all of this other change will lead to the change that so many have been longing for and dreaming of for so, so long.

Maybe this really will be the change we need.

I live in Ohio. And here? Race has everything to do with it. Okay, well, not everything. Those who aren’t concerned about his “being black” are concerned with the “fact” that he is Muslim. Or that he kills babies. Or that he’s the anti-Christ. But, yes, most of it goes back to his skin color. And this drives me absolutely insane. (Obviously, there are intelligent, non-bigots that support McCain but even those among my real life friends have talked about this sad reality.)

I made it out to a rally yesterday. My first and, obviously, only of the season. I missed previous ones due to short notice, other plans and random illness(es). All the same, standing outside yesterday, even though it was in the upper 60′s, has left me almost without a voice today. (My chorale director will be thrilled, no?) I stood there, in what was touted as Columbus’ biggest rally ever, and looked at the people around me. White families. Black families. Hispanic families. Mixed families (which included one in our group).

It was just very moving to me. To see people in this state, of all states, come together. To hear them united in a cause instead of spewing hate at one another. To feel encouraged that Obama might actually win instead of discouraged by the words of hate that I’ve had to endure for months and months. To feel that perhaps change is possible. And not even all of the change that even some supporters are skeptical of Obama delivering. While it would be great if everything fell into place, I’m well aware that it will be a tough, long road for some of the reforms.

But the change I’m looking forward to?

When my daughter and her daughter and my friend’s daughter who was with us might actually be able to believe that they, too, could be President. When gender won’t be an issue. When race won’t be an issue. Well, maybe not the complete absence of an issue. But perhaps to the point where those who actually vocalize their distaste in voting outside of their own racial identity will be in the vast, vast minority and shunned as the ignorant fools that they are.

Someday we’ll be able to stand together, even in this strange state of Ohio. Until then, my task is to raise my sons to feel and think the same way despite what others around them may do or say. And, sadly, that will be a task enough in itself thanks to the hatred that lives in this area.

But I’ll hold out hope. Tomorrow and always.

But I hate when so-called liberals tout adoption as the “easy answer.”

I was reading an extremely well-written post over at Momocrats. It’s a place that I’ve been feeling that I “belong” and “fit in” because my views have been expressed not only by posts but by comments from like-minded individuals. And then today happened. And I feel, once again, like no one on Earth is ever going to care about reforming adoption. I am frustrated. I am angry. And I am tired of being alone.

The very first comment on the thread made my head explode and my heart cry:

I also wonder why the immediate kneejerk solution is marriage to the father. I would think for those who are pro life and find themselves pregnant, an open adoption is an excellent option.

But that probably isn’t an option for someone who is in the public spotlight like this – not with the whole family values thing.

There are so many families all over the world who desperately want a baby but are unable to have one. In the US a lot of these families end up going overseas to adopt.

In my opinion, it is a great shame that adoption is not promoted more as an option for teenagers who find themselves to be pregnant.

First and foremost, “open” adoption is not a bandaid for the grief and loss experienced by birth mothers. It’s just not. You can dress it up all pretty with nice words. You can try to make it sound like a great solution. I’m sure that commenter doesn’t even know that open adoptions are not legally binding in all states, only causing a huge crisis in our country of birth mothers who have lived through the immediate horror of relinquishment and then forced to live through another severing of their lives with their child. It’s an epidemic as of late! But, hi, the NY Times hit on the reason that attitude bothered me just today in an article about Virtual Twinning and adoption:

“Adoption should be about finding families for children, not about finding children for families,” she said. “In many cases parents are doing this without understanding what the ramifications are. I think it’s fine to do it if people are well aware that doing it may be very difficult.”

But even my own like-minded people don’t view adoption in that way. It’s about giving babies to families who want them. Bristol’s child is not unwanted, folks. Unexpected? Totally. Unplanned? Yes. Scaring Mom and Grandma out of their minds? 100% sure that’s the case. But I’m pretty darn sure that baby is very much wanted at this point. How am I pretty darn sure? Seek out blogs by other birth mothers and find me one who says, “Nah, I didn’t want my kid so I gave him up.” You’ll be hard pressed to find one. (For reference: I’m not talking of children who were removed from abusive homes.)

I don’t even want to talk about “promoting” adoption to teens. The ethical implications of “birth parent” “marketing” really make me ill. Until you have been solicited by an agency on a Social Media site, don’t talk to me about “birth parent” “marketing” and promoting adoption to our “teens.”

The comment above made me cry, folks. Sometimes I feel like all the work I do is in vain. Is no one hearing me? Is no one listening? Or do they simply just not care? Will adoption always be touted as the “answer” to the “abortion problem” or is anyone going to stand up and do something? Am I always going to be ostracized by political candidates who don’t understand or even know about the issues that I face? Neither Obama nor McCain care about adoptees rights or ethical counseling for expectant parents considering relinqiushment or how adoptive parents can close an open adoption without reason or recourse for the birth family. No one cares!

And it’s getting really tiring to realize, over and over, that no one in power gives a flying Fig Newton about the experience you have lived or the changes you wish to make. It’s getting really, really hard to continue to have faith in hope and change at all, no matter who is elected. I want my daughter to have access to her birth certificate. I want future birt mothers and birth fathers to be treated with respect. I want future adoptive parents to be counseled on the true trials in open adoptions. I want unethical adoption agencies to be held accountable. I want someone to stand up and say, “SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE ABOUT THIS!”

But no one cares. Not even people I identify with. Ostracized for another election. When will it end?

(Of note: I do not vote single issue for candidates. If I did, I wouldn’t ever have anyone to vote for. I will still be voting for who I believe is the lesser of the two evils when it comes to this topic and many, many others. But I’m just tired of being ignored.)

Lisa Stone, tweeting for @BlogHer today, retweeted this question from @pattidigh ,

looking forward to the day when the nation debates a candidate’s choices as a father.

Can I get an amen? (BlogHer “AMEN-ed” it in her retweet.) I knew nothing about pattidigh prior to starting my click throughs from twitter to her blog. Apparently she’s got a book coming out. And her blog subject is really quite interesting. (In fact, I just subscribed.) I’m not so sure how this blogger and author hit the nail on the head with what I’ve been thinking over the past few days, but, well, she did!

You can bebop all over the internet to find posts about a woman’s right to choose, the arguments for or against and commentary on whether Palin’s daughter was really offered choice. But, just like there’s no discussion on the current adoptee fight for the Original Birth Certificates, there’s no discussion of father’s rights. More specifically, there’s no discussion of the ethics (or, rather, lack thereof) behind putative father registries.

In fact, I know readers that just popped in here that have no attachment to adoption just said, “Putative what?”

The vast majority of people in our country have no knowledge of putative father registries and why they are so damning to fathers. To explain, a “putative father” is “a man who may be a child’s father, but who was not married to the child’s mother before the child was born and has not established that he is the father in a court proceeding.” To put this simply, a putative father is a man who has had sex with a woman to whom he has not married. No, seriously. That’s how the putative father registries are working.

And example. Jane and John are dating but not married. Their relationship is physical. They break up. She finds out a month or so later that she is pregnant. She doesn’t tell John. She also doesn’t name him on the birth certificate and places their baby for adoption. He finds out only after a friend runs into her, months later. He has no recourse because he lives in a state (like Ohio) that has a Putative Father Registry. Since he did not sign the registry upon having sex with Jane, he has no rights to the child that was born.

Crazy, right? Follow this very interesting series by a law student in Ohio. To best sum it up:

“Does that mean that to ensure full protection of his rights, an unwed man must sign the registry every time he has sex with a new partner?” I asked the Professor.

The professor didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

Nothing is being done to help fathers whose rights are being trampled upon by unethical agencies, attorneys and mothers who are aware of this little Fathers Don’t Matter clause. In fact, if you read Cody’s story, you find out that certain agencies and mothers (unethical ones, anyway) are willing to go out of their way (and out of their states) to make sure that fathers dont’ have rights. Sadly, Cody’s story isn’t unique. You can read about other cases and stories here. It seems that fathers who have been wronged in this manner are joining forces. Yet, no one listens. Or even knows about their stories. Or their plight. Or how it can happen to your sons.

But both Presidential candidates want to make it easier to adopt. No one has said one word about looking into the unethical practices of adoption as they currently exist. No one has mentioned stories like Cody’s and how putative father registries which, when written about in mainstream media, are supposed to “protect” father’s rights are only serving to harm these same fathers. No one has mentioned a word about the adoptees fighting for their birth certificates. No one has mentioned the unethical agencies who are preying on young, pregnant mothers. No one has mentioned how easy it remains for adoptive parents to be scammed as we’re still in a system that allows potential families to pay for things, above or under the table. No one has mentioned anything other than “making it easier.” (Then again, with McCain’s unethical adoption, that doesn’t surprise me.)

Fathers do have rights. Fathers should have rights. I’m not going to get into an abortion debate on this one as its out of my league. Instead, and especially when it comes down to adoption, fathers are getting the short end of the stick. They are told, point blank, that they don’t matter enough.

When America starts discussing this over their supper tables (and not just Americans touched by adoption), I will know we have finally made some progress. Until then, be sure to check the laws in your state and remind your sexually active sons to register each and every time they have sex with a female. (Eight states don’t acccept ignorance of the child’s existence as an excuse.) Your hypothetical grandchild, at this point, depends on it.

When I experienced my unplanned pregnancy, I just had to deal with the scrutiny of family and friends. Some were supportive. Others were not. And I was twenty-two. I was not seventeen. I was not the daughter of the candidate for Vice President of the United States of America. And while my name has been in national newspapers describing my experience with an unplanned pregnancy and as a birth mother (for which I received some nasty and untrue judgments), I did not have to suffer through even an iota of the judgment that is about to be hoisted at this young woman and mother-to-be.

I silently questioned Sarah Palin’s decision to run for Vice President while her youngest child is still (reportedly) nursing and under one year of age. (I would have questioned it whether he was nursing or not but reports are that he is still nursing.) I then read that she currently takes him to work with her and figured, well, it’s not that hard to tote a breastfeeding baby around. No need for bottles. No need for formula. Just a breast. I figured she knew what she was doing and I wished her well (but kept my lack of desire to vote for her).

Now? I’m not so sure she knows what she is doing.

I can support a working mother trying to make a decision as to what is best with a child under a year. It’s a hard decision. If she can handle it, kudos to her. But regarding Bristol’s pregnancy? No, I’m not so sure she knows what she is doing. It is my assumption that she (Sarah) has not experienced an unplanned pregnancy. She has no idea that judgment that is about to be passed on her daughter. Furthermore, she has no idea because her ideology praises the mother that chooses to carry her child to term. (Which is nothing to be ashamed of, mind you. That’s not what I’m saying.) She is turning a blind eye to the fact that we are not a nation greatly changed from the days of the Baby Scoop Era. There are still people who are going to point fingers and call Bristol derogatory names (neglecting to mention the father who had equal part in creating this new life). There are still people who are going to point fingers and tell her that, no matter what, she will never be an appropriate enough mother to her child because she was “irresponsible” enough to “spread her legs” in the first place. There are still people who are going to say that no young mother can do a good job with a child, even married. The judgments will be passed. Unkind words will be said. I heard them all.

But Bristol has it a million times worse than I did. Because her mother is running for Vice President. And she can’t escape the limelight because of her Mother’s decision.

It wasn’t as if Bristol told her Mom yesterday evening that she was pregnant. She is reportedly five months pregnant. McCain knew of the pregnancy ahead of announcement and, as such, that means that Sarah Palin also knew of the pregnancy. Bristol’s mother chose to run anyway. Ignoring the negativity that her daughter would experience during a time when expectant mothers don’t really need extra stress (you know, while pregnant). Her mother chose to run despite the judgment that would be passed and the words that would be used. Her mother chose to run. Bristol did not. Her mother did. And Bristol will reap the consequences of that decision.

And my cynical mind can’t help but jump to the conclusion that Sarah Palin did it because of the judgment that would be passed and the words that would be used.

Bristol Palin is now the perfect pawn for McCain and Palin. She is the shining example for all things pro-life. If the daughter of the Vice Presidential candidate can survive an unplanned pregnancy, all of the judgment and negativity, get married and bring a child into this world… THEN SO CAN YOU! She’s now the poster child. Did she want to be the poster child? Does she know that she’s being used for her mother’s political gain? I am hoping upon hope that this wasn’t thet thought process or actual discussion between Palin and McCain. But knowing McCain’s (and his wife’s) history with unethical adoption, I can’t help but assume that he’d be unethical when it comes to anything related to unplanned pregnancy.

My heart is broken for Bristol. I have nothing but well wishes for that young mother. I actually am proud of her decision to not only carry the baby but parent the child. (I’m not taking it to the point that others will and suggest that her mother made the decision for her. Remember adoption statistics show that teens are less likely to place and more likely to parent. Keep that in mind.) I hope she is able to get out of the spotlight. I hope that she is able to get some relaxation in before this election (which is, you know, timed nicely with the arrival of her child). I hope that she is able to focus on her upcoming marriage to the baby’s father and that the two of them are able to stick through this unnecessarily dramatic upcoming phase of their lives. I hope that someone, somewhere sends this woman a card that says, “CONGRATULATIONS.” Because, no matter the hype or the reasons or the politics or the drama… becoming a mother is something to celebrate. I hope that someone in her life is celebrating with her.

I’ll do it from over here. But I don’t know if that will be enough.