Pregnancy » The Chronicles of Munchkin Land

A Conversation That Didn’t Suck

Adoption, in General, Coming Out, Motherhood, Open Adoption, Pregnancy, The Hospital 9 Responses »

Oct 292007

I keep forgetting to write about this; maybe I just wanted to keep it to myself for a little while. It makes me happy. That rarely happens when it comes to conversations!! And so, the set up: I was in the hospital with elevated blood pressure and contractions (34 weeks). I had an older nurse. We learned that she had been on the Labor and Delivery unit for thirty years. While I understand that young nurses need experience, too, I like having an experienced nurse when I’m having complications. She was very attentive, very thorough and very gentle. And funny to boot.

As she was inserting my IV, which, by the way, she did so well that it didn’t hurt at all, she was asking me questions. Of course, we had already done my health history. She was fully aware that there were two previous live born children. And so she asks (and the rest of the conversation follows):

Nurse: How old are your other children?
Munchkin’sFirstMom: *stumbles for a second* BigBrother will be two next month. Munchkin will turn four in December.
Nurse: Oh, so she’ll be your big helper!
Munchkin’sFirstMom: Well, she was placed for adoption at birth.
Nurse: *doesn’t miss a beat* That had to be very hard. One of the hardest things I can imagine, really. *continues to stab my arm gently and continues* Do you have contact at all?
Munchkin’sFirstMom: Actually, yes. We have visits and so on.

And then we launched into a discussion about the extent of our contact, where J and D live and driving across the state of Pennsylvania. She never flinched. Granted, being on L&D for thirty years, I would assume that she’s seen a few things in her time. To even know to ask about contact shows that she at least has an iota of understanding about recent adoptions. Do not balk at the topic shows that she has some respect or at least common decency not to let personal opinion interfere with work. But she didn’t treat me differently from that point on. I was still her patient. She was just as fun-loving as before.

Previous nurses have dropped the subject of my daughter as soon as the word adoption was mentioned. Others stumbled over themselves trying to back-pedal the conversation. Others suddenly had a lack of interest in my care. Not this lady.

I wonder what the chances are of getting her when I go into official labor. Slim, I assume.

Day Three: Seven Simple/True Things About Me

Adoption, in General, Memes, Personal, Pregnancy 6 Responses »

Oct 192007

Day One. Day Two.

Day Three: I’m not really good at pregnancy.

This post is late in the day. Why? I went in for my 33 week prenatal checkup. And got shipped over to Labor & Delivery. I’ve got protein in my urine, elevated blood pressure and some significant swelling (that isn’t heat induced at this point). Also, I was contracting! JOY! So, I got a shot of terbutaline, lots of blood work, a mini-catheter, an ultrasound on the baby (5lbs, 8oz with a head measuring almost three weeks ahead of schedule), an ultrasound on my cervix and a few hours of monitoring. Joy, fun, eh? Contractions were stopped with ease, thankfully. But me? I’m on Level 2 bedrest. (With a two year old. Mmhmm, right.)

This is the longest I’ve gone without bedrest, actually. With BigBrother, it happened at 32 weeks. (I’m 33w5d today.) With Munchkin? 18 weeks. I’m kind of proud to have made it this far but still bummed. (Also glad that we bought the laptop this week.)

And how does all of this relate to adoption?

I’m really kind of beefed with the agency (and other agencies that tell other expectant mothers considering placement the same thing). It was always said, “You can have more kids.” Yeah, okay, I’m “having” more kids. But I’ve had one miscarriage. And two, now, very complicated pregnancies. My own health has been put at risk. In fact, my child-bearing years are thus dictated by my health risks. After this kid, we’re done. It’s greatly assumed that birth mothers are young, fertile and strong and can go on to have umpteen babies. I’m mad that they didn’t say, “Hey, with the complications that you’re having with this kid (Munchkin) should you maybe get a second opinion about how future pregnancies will go before making decisions about children?”

But not REALLY mad. In fact, the only time that it bothers me is when I’m laid up in the hospital, unsure of my health, my child’s health and the future. Otherwise, I just don’t think about it much. “What’s done is done.” But with that, I tell all mothers considering placement, “Don’t bank on being healthy, strong enough or able to have more children. You just. never. know.”

Now I need to drink some water, watch some lame Friday night TV and thank my Lord that He has given us more time to bake this child. Who, seen via ultrasound today, is just as darn cute as his older siblings. (I also have a great hospital-adoption-talk story to share. Really. It’s positive! But I’ve got to rest.)

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