I saw a quote on twitter that made me think twice.

If you’re doing ANYthing at all that feels like *hard work* you’re doing the wrong thing.

-Roger Hamilton

I get the idea behind the quote. I do. But the generalities proposed by this quote make me laugh. Here’s the facts: life is hard work. Sure, it’s fun. Sure, it should also be full of love and laughter. But if you’re not putting in some hard work in various parts of your life, well, my guess is that you’re not amounting to a whole lot.

Parenting is hard work. It’s also very (super!) rewarding work. It’s not all hard and it’s not all easy. But it’s also not the easiest job on the planet as everyone knows. Building a career in any field, even the one that you were “destined” for is hard work. What makes me the most confused is that the quote came from the twitter of a fellow Christian. Here’s a newsflash: the Bible doesn’t promise Christians an easy life. In fact, we’re told that we will face persecution. Nothing about persecution seems like easy work to me.

And this, of course, is the attitude behind so many failed open adoptions (and other things that fail). People assume that everything should come easily. People assume that the moment thing seem tough, something is wrong and you should just throw up your hands and stop.

Wrong answer.

When stuff seems hard, it’s just because life is life. Communication problems crop up. Misunderstandings happen. Feelings are hurt. And sometimes it is hard to deal with grief, loss, emotions and sadness all at once. But you keep on. If every parent (birth, adoptive, biological, foster, step, etc) gave up every time they had a communication problem with their own child, well, you can see where that would lead us. I have communication problems with my almost-three-year-old. In fact, I made the sign for bath when I meant to make the sign for more the other day, and my ten month old got mad when we didn’t immediately get in the bath tub. Misunderstandings happen.

I don’t know where this idea of life should be easy came from but I can tell you that my mostly happy, very rewarding and semi-successful life has been full of hard work. Hard work, itself, is not a bad thing. Hard work is the result of an attitude that says the impossible IS possible and that no mountain is too high. I’m a determined individual and obstacles aren’t going to stop me. So don’t tell me that I’m on the wrong path just because something takes more than one try or tests my patience or generally is hard.

I would still be pregnant with my firstborn if I didn’t do anything that was hard because, boy howdy, childbirth is hard work. If everyone had that attitude, the human population would die off. (And don’t jump up and say, “C-SECTION! WOO!” Ask a mother who has endured the recovery of one and let her tell you if that was hard work or not.) I also would not have taken any of the advanced classes in high school or pushed myself to take a new fitness class. There are so many things that I would miss out on if I adopted this attitude.

And so I’ll just keep putting in hard work, okay?

Friday nights are of a relaxed atmosphere over here. In fact, I’ve always been kind of chill on Friday nights, preferring Dateline to parties in college. That’s right. I’m a nerd and I always have been. Last night, my Husband was watching War Games (OMG! HA!) and I was catching up on a few magazines that I haven’t had time to read through yet. One of those was Redbook (July).

Of note: I have always read my magazines back cover to front cover. I don’t know why. I just do.

So one of the first pages I turned to was the end of the “Mom” section that each Redbook features. On a sidebar was a quote from Marcia Gay Harden. She’s a Mom to a ten year old and four year old twins (!) (and a spokesperson for a really great site that I’ll talk about on the other blog next week). Her quote made me dog-ear the page, nod my head and get kind of weepy all at once.

(Being a Mom made me…) Fiercely protective, like a lion. My top priority is keeping my kids safe. Mothering is a beautiful word and it doesn’t only mean making cupcakes.

Now I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that Harden didn’t mean to include me in her quote. But she did. The conception and subsequent birth of the Munchkin made me a Mother in every sense but the making of cupcakes. I did become fiercely protective. Her well-being was always my utmost concern, even as my own health was at risk during that tumultuous pregnancy.

Of course, that has also made me somewhat overprotective of my parented sons but I’m coming to realize that while I shouldn’t smother my kids, being protective isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Finding that balance, of course, is difficult but I’m learning. (I mean, I’m letting my oldest go to preschool in the fall even though it gives me heart palpitations! AH!)

What I’m trying to say is that I’ve been this way, fiercely protective, since I knew the Munchkin would be joining the world. All during the time in which I planned on parenting, I felt like I was guarding her from the evil of this world. Once I became ill and began making an adoption plan, the mothering feeling didn’t magically dissipate. And it didn’t just go away the moment that she left my body. In fact, I felt it in a much stronger way. While I don’t drive her to dance class or watch her like a hawk as she plays on the playground now, I still feel it in my soul. I’d give my life if it meant saving hers, just like I would do for both of my boys.

All this said, I make a mean cupcake. Just ask my oldest.