I don’t watch Harry’s Law. I have enough lawyer/law/police TV on my already full TV watching schedule and a DVR that’s too full to catch up on everything anyway. But sometimes the TV gets left on, and twice now I have seen this episode, entitled “American Girl.” I missed the judge’s speech the first time around and it made my breath catch in my throat tonight.
The premise of this particular story is that a Chinese biological family traced their daughter to Ohio. They did not place her for adoption; she was stolen and adopted by an American couple four years prior. The American family thought that they had done everything properly, and all legal documents show that they had. They had no knowledge that their child had been abducted and placed for adoption in an illegal manner. They all landed in court in front of the judge. And she had some questions.
“Have you all gotten together with the child.”
“The attorneys have met briefly with the child.”
“But my question is have you all sat down and tried to work this out.”
“No, your Honor.”
“You just lawyered up and charged into court. Alright. Let me tell you how this is gonna go down. I’ll hear from your side, then yours. But you all need to get this. Right now. Those are the biological parents. You cannot change that. And you need to get this. This little girl has been raised, by them, since the age of two. They’re a part of her life. A big part. Like it or not, you’re all in this pot. One side does not get to erase the other. Do you understand me? The five of you will likely be in each other’s lives forever.”
There are some things here that are generally awesome, especially for television.
First and foremost, that we’re even discussing that illegal, abduction-based adoptions even exist is a good thing. There are things that need to be considered and understood when starting down the path of international adoption. The scenes where the biological parents are freaking out that she no longer remembers them and the little girl speaks up in Chinese and says that she does, in fact, know who they are and that she remembers them… well, count me as one of the sobbing. I’m not a member of the international adoption niche, but I can tell you that the more discussions we have about ethical adoptions the better. Even if we’re not talking about my little niche of adoption, I want ethical reform. For all adoptions. For all members of the triad. End of discussion.
Of course, the episode got into some undertones of adoption when we see that the judge, herself, was adopted and, thus, struggled with her own emotions. It’s really another point that not even judges come into adoption law without their own personal opinions as to who a child really belongs with. Again, it’s an important discussion: It’s hard to change society’s views because everyone thinks that their experience is the right one.
Getting beyond that part, let’s get to the meat and potatoes of what the judge said.
“Like it or not, you’re all in this pot. One side does not get to erase the other. Do you understand me? The five of you will likely be in each other’s lives forever.”
I want to send people that statement every time they start whining about the other side of the triad. When a birth parent does something “unsavory” or, gasp, cusses. When an adoptive parent pushes too hard — or not enough. When the two adult sides can’t manage to act like adults, be civil and work together. I don’t care if she’s snobby. I don’t care if he’s rude. I don’t care if you’d never otherwise hang out with that person under any other circumstance.
The truth is this: That child brought you together whether you really wanted to be brought together or not. Get over yourselves. Get your head in the game. Get back to the heart of the matter. Whether you shut the door or not, you’re still in each others’ lives. Why not act like a compassionate, real human being?
All that said, don’t watch the end of the episode unless you want your heart ripped out. And stepped on. Twice over.
My name is Jenna. I blog here, 
