I just finished packing up the Munchkin’s June package.

Contents: a card with the normal note of what everyone has been doing, a picture of each of the boys, a small note to explain that the coloring book is from The Husband Man and an ambulance/emergency coloring book. Nothing spectacular, of course, but just another month where I did what I felt I had to do. Let me rephrase: what I felt was right by the Munchkin.

I find it difficult to pick pictures of the boys each month. (This month I have my youngest son sitting up outside, smiling very big, because he was not sitting up unassisted in May. My older son’s picture is a shot of him wearing his Daddy’s new motorcycle helmet as that is also a new “thing” in our lives. Joy fun!) I take a billion pictures every month. It’s hard to pick just two. I always write their names on the back along with the month and year.

My therapist asked me a question during my last session when I mentioned that the picture I sent of the boys in May was one of the two of them on Mother’s Day. She said, “Do you ever send pictures of yourself?”

Well, no. And I have plenty of excuses! Let me list them off for you, Therapist Lady!

1. I’m the photographer in the family. Pictures of me are rare.
2. These darn hormonal fluctuations have my skin looking hideous and, therefore, even when The Husband Man does snap a picture of me, I am not willing to share it with too many other people.
3. I don’t change much from month to month.
4. The boys are way cuter and way more interesting, don’t you think?

And while #1 is a really valid point, there are some tolerable pictures of me every month. But the real reason, of course, comes down to the fact that almost any picture of me that is presentable features one or both boys as well. I feel weird, to be downright honest, sending a picture of me smiling and holding my boys to the daughter that I placed for adoption. To me it screams, “See! We’re happy without you!” It’s not that we’re not happy. Sure, my youngest is teething now and that is super unhappy but we are a happy family. But that’s not because she’s not here.

It gets all jumbled in my head.

I thought about the things Therapist Lady said that day, about how I should be including pictures of myself as well. But I didn’t do it this month, even with a week to digest her points having passed. It just doesn’t feel right.

Anyway, it’s all sealed up now (meaning you can’t talk me into it! HA!) and ready to be dropped at the Post Office when we head out to run some errands this afternoon. I feel pretty good sending it before the verylastday of the month. In fact, I had the note written very early this month so I need to remember to mention my youngest boy’s new tooth (which will probably be teeth by then) in July’s note.