There’s not much to say about the fact that 90(ish) teens at one high school or either pregnant or have recently become new moms. In an of itself it is indicative of a larger problem that can’t be “solved” in ways that those who are most appalled to the problem want. The reality is that whatever they’re doing sex education wise (read: abstinence only) isn’t work.
But that’s not what I’m blogging about. Here are some reactions I’ve seen around the web. Not much from the blogosphere exactly, but I actually allowed/forced myself to read some of the comments accompanying some of the link-and-story sharing. I don’t count that as a mistake; it gives me the chance to educate others.
I’d like to know why parents of teen moms are letting them keep their babies. I would be forcing my teen to give it up for adoption. There are so many would-be parents wanting to adopt but there aren’t any because girls are keeping them. I don’t get it.
Via Disboards.com
That hurts my heart. Forcing the teen? That, right there, is perfect evidence that we haven’t escaped the mindset of the Baby Scoop Era. Avoid family shame and woe by “getting rid” of the “problem” while simultaneously providing “good” parents with a baby.
A better solution (at least in my opinion) is a seemingly-unrelated push at adoption law reform. That leads to more and faster adoptions. Combine this with removing any stigma about giving infants up for adoption (and promotion of safe sex) and while it doesn’t magically make all the problems go away, it alleviates much of th problems at hand here.
Via The Daily Beast
Of course, the “adoption law reform” being spoken about here isn’t the ethical reform that so many of us are talking about and pushing for and hoping comes to light sometime in our lifetime. This reform is the one that affords adoptive parents an easier time with the adoption process by stepping on the rights of birth parents.
And while I agree that the stigma that follows birth mothers really needs to go the way of the Dodo, you’re not just dealing with stigma. Even if society stops labeling birth mothers as cold-hearted, coke-addicted floozies, birth parents still have grief. Whether that adoption is open or closed, the grief is still present. We can’t just write off young mothers and sentence them to a life of grief simply because they are young.
I’d like to go back to the days where the baby-daddy is forced to marry the girl, and to support his wife and child, or the baby is given up for adoption. There has to be a price paid for immoral and irresponsible behavior. Of course most of these baby-daddies, who are willing to use a girl for self-gratification without even thinking twice, aren’t worth 2 hoots. They are scum. But somehow they are proud to be scum.
Also via The Daily Beast
I don’t even have to say anything about that, now do I? Well, I will say something anyway. You know what scum is? Let me tell you. Scum is the type of person who kicks someone while they’re down. You can have opinions about sex before marriage. You can have opinions about sex education, parental responsibility and what constitutes as immoral and irresponsible behavior. You can even have opinions on whether you think these girls should have aborted, should parent or should choose to place. But you can’t call them scum. Ridiculous.
But it’s not all negative out there. A blog at The Village Voice covered a quote by one of the girls which speaks of adoption. The blogger, Rosie Gray, then makes a great point, and so I’m quoting them both.
It’s too late for me anyway. I ain’t with my baby’s daddy, but he still gave me my child and I do what I want to do. I take care of my baby on my own. Because my momma – she wanted me to give up my baby for adoption and I didn’t want to do it, so she doesn’t help me out at all. And when I get my money, I do what I gotta do for my baby. I’ve got my money set up in my bank account so I can get a car and I’m just pretty much on my own. My baby will be in college campus daycare. I’ve got a plan, I’ve just got to put it to work. But all that stressing & crying, I don’t got time for that because it’s too late for me.That right there should probably be required reading in every high school, everywhere.
Via The Village Voice Blogs
It should be required reading in every high school, everywhere. And required reading for parents who missed it. That mother? The one that wanted her daughter to “give up” the baby for adoption and now won’t help out at all? Will regret the time she is losing with her grandchild. More over, teens need to understand that it’s not all fun and games — parenting or placement or dealing with adult stuff before you’re an adult.
I’d kind of like to fly down to Memphis and make sure that these girls are being educated regarding their choices. I cringe to think at how slap-happy the local adoption agencies might be as this news breaks nationwide. My heart is heavy for these girls who have no idea what their future will hold — no matter their decisions. I want them to know that there are those of us who have survived various things and that they can as well. I just want them to be fully informed before they make decisions. I don’t want them to be forced into anything. And I fear too many might be.
I don’t have the answers. I don’t think anyone does. But I hope, at the very least, each girl has someone in her corner, pulling for her and watching out for her during this time. I know what it’s like to have no support; I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.