But that’s not what I’m blogging about. Here are some reactions I’ve seen around the web. Not much from the blogosphere exactly, but I actually allowed/forced myself to read some of the comments accompanying some of the link-and-story sharing. I don’t count that as a mistake; it gives me the chance to educate others.

I’d like to know why parents of teen moms are letting them keep their babies. I would be forcing my teen to give it up for adoption. There are so many would-be parents wanting to adopt but there aren’t any because girls are keeping them. I don’t get it.
Via Disboards.com

That hurts my heart. Forcing the teen? That, right there, is perfect evidence that we haven’t escaped the mindset of the Baby Scoop Era. Avoid family shame and woe by “getting rid” of the “problem” while simultaneously providing “good” parents with a baby.

A better solution (at least in my opinion) is a seemingly-unrelated push at adoption law reform. That leads to more and faster adoptions. Combine this with removing any stigma about giving infants up for adoption (and promotion of safe sex) and while it doesn’t magically make all the problems go away, it alleviates much of th problems at hand here.
Via The Daily Beast

Of course, the “adoption law reform” being spoken about here isn’t the ethical reform that so many of us are talking about and pushing for and hoping comes to light sometime in our lifetime. This reform is the one that affords adoptive parents an easier time with the adoption process by stepping on the rights of birth parents.

And while I agree that the stigma that follows birth mothers really needs to go the way of the Dodo, you’re not just dealing with stigma. Even if society stops labeling birth mothers as cold-hearted, coke-addicted floozies, birth parents still have grief. Whether that adoption is open or closed, the grief is still present. We can’t just write off young mothers and sentence them to a life of grief simply because they are young.

I’d like to go back to the days where the baby-daddy is forced to marry the girl, and to support his wife and child, or the baby is given up for adoption. There has to be a price paid for immoral and irresponsible behavior. Of course most of these baby-daddies, who are willing to use a girl for self-gratification without even thinking twice, aren’t worth 2 hoots. They are scum. But somehow they are proud to be scum.
Also via The Daily Beast

I don’t even have to say anything about that, now do I? Well, I will say something anyway. You know what scum is? Let me tell you. Scum is the type of person who kicks someone while they’re down. You can have opinions about sex before marriage. You can have opinions about sex education, parental responsibility and what constitutes as immoral and irresponsible behavior. You can even have opinions on whether you think these girls should have aborted, should parent or should choose to place. But you can’t call them scum. Ridiculous.

But it’s not all negative out there. A blog at The Village Voice covered a quote by one of the girls which speaks of adoption. The blogger, Rosie Gray, then makes a great point, and so I’m quoting them both.

It’s too late for me anyway. I ain’t with my baby’s daddy, but he still gave me my child and I do what I want to do. I take care of my baby on my own. Because my momma – she wanted me to give up my baby for adoption and I didn’t want to do it, so she doesn’t help me out at all. And when I get my money, I do what I gotta do for my baby. I’ve got my money set up in my bank account so I can get a car and I’m just pretty much on my own. My baby will be in college campus daycare. I’ve got a plan, I’ve just got to put it to work. But all that stressing & crying, I don’t got time for that because it’s too late for me.

That right there should probably be required reading in every high school, everywhere.
Via The Village Voice Blogs

It should be required reading in every high school, everywhere. And required reading for parents who missed it. That mother? The one that wanted her daughter to “give up” the baby for adoption and now won’t help out at all? Will regret the time she is losing with her grandchild. More over, teens need to understand that it’s not all fun and games — parenting or placement or dealing with adult stuff before you’re an adult.

I’d kind of like to fly down to Memphis and make sure that these girls are being educated regarding their choices. I cringe to think at how slap-happy the local adoption agencies might be as this news breaks nationwide. My heart is heavy for these girls who have no idea what their future will hold — no matter their decisions. I want them to know that there are those of us who have survived various things and that they can as well. I just want them to be fully informed before they make decisions. I don’t want them to be forced into anything. And I fear too many might be.

I don’t have the answers. I don’t think anyone does. But I hope, at the very least, each girl has someone in her corner, pulling for her and watching out for her during this time. I know what it’s like to have no support; I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

But I’ve been wanting to stay involved in that way. In fact, I’ve needed to stay involved. Perhaps need is too strong of a word but, if you know me, you might understand. Giving back is just what I do. I remember not having the “stuff” to parent and feeling very overwhelmed. I don’t like knowing that other mothers and fathers face that as well. As such, I’ve wanted to do something to continue to help families. But what?

A new resource in our area has started. Big Hearts, Little Hands is the name and helping young families is the game. While there is no abortion information given through this center, there is also no adoption information. It exists strictly to pass the “stuff” of parenting on to families who are in need of such things in the hopes of helping young families get on their feet. It’s something that I stand by 100%. And I’m wanting to help.

I’m rounding up donations to take to the center on February 13th (2009, folks). While I plan on rounding up everything we have that falls into the proper categories and purchasing some other things, I thought maybe my readers have some stuff laying around or would like to donate some new stuff as well.

What’s needed?

• Maternity clothes of all sizes.
• Diapers, size newborn and 1.
• Sleepers and onesies, size 0-3 months.
• Bibs.
• Receiving blankets.
• Baby wash.
• Wipes.

I know that our family has a billion and one bibs, onesies, sleepers and blankets. Does yours? Would you be interested in purchasing a blanket or a package of diapers? I will be asking our church and posting an ad for those interested in some local networks. But I couldn’t NOT ask blog readers here. I know so many of you have similar passions.

Anyway, if you are interested in getting something to me by Monday, February 9th (I MUST have it in hand by then as I’m delivering on Wednesday, February 11th), please contact me at jenna.hatfield@gmail.com with DONATIONS (in all caps, please) so I can flag them properly. I will actually be Vlogging the whole process for Mom It Forward so you will be able to see your donation enter the hands of Big Hearts, Little Hands. Also, if you have some ideas on how to get more donations rounded up (are you a company that would like to make a donation?), please let me know.

I’m actually hoping to make this donation “drive” a twice yearly thing; now and again in early fall. I’ve been waiting for something like this to come along in our specific area for quite some time. If you’ve been a long time reader, you’ve seen me talk about such a thing. The closest center like this was a 30 minute drive and had some questionable funding. While I did forward things we didn’t need or use (formula samples, as an example), it just never felt “right.”  While this particular program is based through a church building, “funding” is based solely on donations like what I am trying to do right now. The fact that there is no unethical adoption propaganda involved makes me confident that this is the right way for me to contribute right now. If you’d like to help, please do. You could help make that difference.

You really could Mom it Forward with me.

When I experienced my unplanned pregnancy, I just had to deal with the scrutiny of family and friends. Some were supportive. Others were not. And I was twenty-two. I was not seventeen. I was not the daughter of the candidate for Vice President of the United States of America. And while my name has been in national newspapers describing my experience with an unplanned pregnancy and as a birth mother (for which I received some nasty and untrue judgments), I did not have to suffer through even an iota of the judgment that is about to be hoisted at this young woman and mother-to-be.

I silently questioned Sarah Palin’s decision to run for Vice President while her youngest child is still (reportedly) nursing and under one year of age. (I would have questioned it whether he was nursing or not but reports are that he is still nursing.) I then read that she currently takes him to work with her and figured, well, it’s not that hard to tote a breastfeeding baby around. No need for bottles. No need for formula. Just a breast. I figured she knew what she was doing and I wished her well (but kept my lack of desire to vote for her).

Now? I’m not so sure she knows what she is doing.

I can support a working mother trying to make a decision as to what is best with a child under a year. It’s a hard decision. If she can handle it, kudos to her. But regarding Bristol’s pregnancy? No, I’m not so sure she knows what she is doing. It is my assumption that she (Sarah) has not experienced an unplanned pregnancy. She has no idea that judgment that is about to be passed on her daughter. Furthermore, she has no idea because her ideology praises the mother that chooses to carry her child to term. (Which is nothing to be ashamed of, mind you. That’s not what I’m saying.) She is turning a blind eye to the fact that we are not a nation greatly changed from the days of the Baby Scoop Era. There are still people who are going to point fingers and call Bristol derogatory names (neglecting to mention the father who had equal part in creating this new life). There are still people who are going to point fingers and tell her that, no matter what, she will never be an appropriate enough mother to her child because she was “irresponsible” enough to “spread her legs” in the first place. There are still people who are going to say that no young mother can do a good job with a child, even married. The judgments will be passed. Unkind words will be said. I heard them all.

But Bristol has it a million times worse than I did. Because her mother is running for Vice President. And she can’t escape the limelight because of her Mother’s decision.

It wasn’t as if Bristol told her Mom yesterday evening that she was pregnant. She is reportedly five months pregnant. McCain knew of the pregnancy ahead of announcement and, as such, that means that Sarah Palin also knew of the pregnancy. Bristol’s mother chose to run anyway. Ignoring the negativity that her daughter would experience during a time when expectant mothers don’t really need extra stress (you know, while pregnant). Her mother chose to run despite the judgment that would be passed and the words that would be used. Her mother chose to run. Bristol did not. Her mother did. And Bristol will reap the consequences of that decision.

And my cynical mind can’t help but jump to the conclusion that Sarah Palin did it because of the judgment that would be passed and the words that would be used.

Bristol Palin is now the perfect pawn for McCain and Palin. She is the shining example for all things pro-life. If the daughter of the Vice Presidential candidate can survive an unplanned pregnancy, all of the judgment and negativity, get married and bring a child into this world… THEN SO CAN YOU! She’s now the poster child. Did she want to be the poster child? Does she know that she’s being used for her mother’s political gain? I am hoping upon hope that this wasn’t thet thought process or actual discussion between Palin and McCain. But knowing McCain’s (and his wife’s) history with unethical adoption, I can’t help but assume that he’d be unethical when it comes to anything related to unplanned pregnancy.

My heart is broken for Bristol. I have nothing but well wishes for that young mother. I actually am proud of her decision to not only carry the baby but parent the child. (I’m not taking it to the point that others will and suggest that her mother made the decision for her. Remember adoption statistics show that teens are less likely to place and more likely to parent. Keep that in mind.) I hope she is able to get out of the spotlight. I hope that she is able to get some relaxation in before this election (which is, you know, timed nicely with the arrival of her child). I hope that she is able to focus on her upcoming marriage to the baby’s father and that the two of them are able to stick through this unnecessarily dramatic upcoming phase of their lives. I hope that someone, somewhere sends this woman a card that says, “CONGRATULATIONS.” Because, no matter the hype or the reasons or the politics or the drama… becoming a mother is something to celebrate. I hope that someone in her life is celebrating with her.

I’ll do it from over here. But I don’t know if that will be enough.

I’ve got some jealousy issues that I really wasn’t aware of until some recent discussions and developments. Or, rather, maybe I knew it was there but I felt like a big jerk for feeling that way. Or something. But, I need to say it so that, a) I remember to bring it up with my therapist and, b) I can just get it “out there,” instead of dwelling on it “inside.”

And so…

I’m jealous of mothers who experienced unplanned pregnancies, especially at ages younger than I was, and got to keep -slash- made the decision to parent. I feel immature and catty for saying so. But it’s true. That said, I would never wish ill on a mother. I want them to stay with their babies! I want them to be the best that they can be! I just recently shoved my stupid, immature jealousy aside and offered some advice regarding labor and delivery to a very young mother. But it’s there. Lurking. Festering.

Why not me?

I’m not quite sure how to process this particular feeling. Or where to put it right now. Or why it exists specifically. But, it does. And since I’m all about straight-up-honesty on this blog, I thought I’d out myself.

Here’s hoping my therapist has some insight on this issue. Because I’m flabbergasted.

Your Mom was Pro-Life!

Really? She was? All Moms, everywhere, are automatically pro-life because they have children? I think not, buddy in the pick-up. I think not.

I can’t count, on fingers and toes, the number of pro-choice Mamas I know that purposefully conceived their children. Pro-choice both before and after that conception, pregnancy and delivery, nothing about their views changed. They still believe, without a doubt, that removing the choice will only create further problems.

I can’t count, on fingers and toes, the number of pro-choice Mamas I know that experienced unplanned pregnancies. In this grouping, those that chose to parent their children sometimes tossed the idea of abortion back and forth. They asked questions of themselves and those around them offering support what would be best in this scenario. Choosing to carry an unplanned pregnancy to term doesn’t automatically throw you in the pro-life category. It means you made a… choice. (That said, some are pro-life. I’m just showing the difference.)

Of those that chose to place their babies for adoption, it is often assumed that this grouping of Mothers features a majority of pro-lifers. I am here to debunk that myth (while acknowledging that some, are, indeed pro-life). Again, I cannot count, on fingers and toes, the number of Mamas who placed their babies for adoption that identify themselves as pro-choice. Like their parenting counterparts, they were faced with choices. They first had to decide whether or not to abort. Some had the decision made for them either by family or by a pregnancy discovered too late in the game. Others weighed the pros and cons and found themselves choosing to carry the pregnancy to term for a myriad of reasons. Regarding the Munchkin’s pregnancy, I chose to carry to term because I was under the impression that I was going to parent. Things changed mid-pregnancy (obviously) and that’s not what happened. Then these Mothers, like myself, are faced with the next decision of parenting or placing their child for adoption. For whatever reason, they place. That doesn’t mean that they’re all pro-life. It means that they were faced with decisions and made choices. (Of note: not all mothers who relinquish children are afforded 100% choice, especially those from the closed adoption era. Unfortunately, there are still unethical practices and not-so-supportive family members forcing their decisions on mothers in today’s adoptions.)

And so, I’m just baffled by that guy’s bumper sticker. My children? Have a pro-choice Mother. One was an unexpected blessing into our lives and her parents’ lives. One is an angel watching over us all. And two (though one still in utero) were meticulously planned… and have shaken our world in so many unexpected and wonderful ways.

Of Moms that fall under the pro-choice camp, I’m betting you’ll find a slew of different stories and reasons as to why they identify themselves in that way. I’m guessing that no two Mothers are going to have the exact same reasoning as personal experience and opinion are sure to color their mindset. However, I’m sure they would all be equally amused by the bumper sticker. I’m curious as to what their rebuttal bumper sticker might be.

My Kid’s Mom is Pro-Choice? Having Babies Doesn’t Make You Pro-Life? I Chose To Have My Children? Or, maybe, if we were feeling uber-snarky, perhaps: I Wish Your Mom was Pro-Choice. Okay, okay, perhaps a line was crossed with the latter. All the same, it goes to prove that bumper sticker politics and beliefs can’t possibly begin to cover the wide range of opinions that exist for a whole group.

One group you should never try to speak for is a group of Moms. I mean, we never agree on anything! Ha!

The truth is that it would have been easier for this mother to quietly end the pregnancy. With the shame that could have accompanied stepping down from a title such as the one she held, she might have felt resentful towards the child. Others might could have pushed for placement. (Though it sounds as though her parents were supportive which makes me say, BRAVO, PARENTS!) The truth remains: a mother who experienced an unplanned pregnancy is offering moral support to others who may be in a similar situation. If she can do it, so can you.

All that said, I’ve often wondered about pageants and pregnancy. Here’s why. Though I can’t find the current wording on the site (which means it may have changed, no?), the rules in 1999 were worded as: I am not pregnant and I am not the natural or adoptive parent of any child. Anyone else raising some eyebrows.

Adoptions were once secret. Wholly and completely secret. In fact, the way that our system currently works, the birth really never took place. It is wiped from the world’s collective memory when the old birth certificate is sealed and the new one is created. So, even though I’m now too old (and, uhm, married and, uhm, pregnant), let’s pretend I’m running for Miss America. (Meaning, forget for a second that TheHusbandMan, BigBrother and LittleBrother exist. Just a second.)

Legally, I am no child’s parent. I have no rights to the Munchkin. If you research birth records, you wouldn’t find me. So, does that count? Do I still get to run? I mean, no one wants to see my post-Munchkin stretchmarked belly anyway and I’d surely lose the bathing suit competition but STILL. Shouldn’t I get a CHANCE? How would they handle such a thing? Because in 1999, women who had previously had abortions were allowed, by the change in wording listed above, to run for the crown. (Of note: I am pro-choice, I’m just making the necessary comparison. Keep reading.) If one of my not-so-nice contestants decided to out me as a birth mother, would I be allowed to continue to run? Or would I be ousted? Even though the birth had legally been wiped off of the slate of the world?

It’s curious. It’s a double-standard that we see frequently in discussions that surround these issues. The prejudice and stigma that follows mothers who have placed children for adoption. While I don’t plan on running for any kind of pageant, I’m honestly curious as to how the above situation, with another beautiful mother, would be handled. If she was ousted, wouldn’t that be a lovely case to take to civil court. I’d wait in line to sit on that jury, for sure.

(TheHusbandMan, BigBrother and LittleBrother are returned to full existence.)

Okay, so, I had a small sidebar but really all I wanted to say was congratulations to a new mama who, no doubt, had her own fair share of battles to fight regarding unplanned pregnancy. While it sounds as though she didn’t consider placement, I applaud her for continuing to tell her story and promoting the fact that unplanned motherhood doesn’t have to be devastating; it can be beautiful and rewarding!

I’m 100% tired of people. That sounds mean. To clarify, I’m 100% tired of certain attitudes from certain people. I almost threw up this morning and I’m not even experiencing anymore pregnancy-induced nausea. I seriously gagged and then got all of those angry tears (you know what I’m talking about) and then my blood pressure went through the roof.

I read a post by a woman/mother experiencing an unplanned pregnancy. The father is not interested. That’s not what made me mad though I would like to find him and shake him for her but, from my experience, that doesn’t work. Mother goes on to say that she really wants to parent, as a single parent, but isn’t sure of what that entails. Asks advice.

Now, I know advice is a way for everyone to make themselves feel better about the choices they made in their own lives and a way of shoving your opinion down someone’s throat because, “Hey! They asked for it!” But COME ON.

So this OTHER woman, whom I don’t want to taint with the title of adoptive mom because she makes the rest of adoptive mothers look awful, goes on, after I and a few others have commented to say things like “research all of your options regarding parenting FIRST and then FULLY research everything that adoption entails in your state,”… she goes on to say things like “Adoption doesn’t have to be a last resort! Adoption is so good! Babies aren’t necessarily better off with their biological mothers! Someone else CAN do better! It’s a beautiful gift! OMGWEE!” It’s worse but I don’t have the time or energy to grab direct quotes this morning. This vent is solely so I’m not dwelling on it in church.

The comment from this woman ignored EVERYTHING that the expectant mother said about WANTING to parent (which I find to be VERY important in determining which way to reply to an expectant parent!!!!!). Didn’t ever say, “But if your heart is saying that you want to parent, then by all means, DO IT.” Nope. Adoption rhetoric. Down this girls’ throat. Everything is happy! But I won’t tell you about grief! And loss! And guilt! And shame! It’s just happy! It’s just good! Don’t think about it last! Think about it now! OMGSQUEEGIMMEYOURBABY!

Thankfully a birth mom and an adoptee chimed in with opposing viewpoints for the glee-fest that this woman had. I couldn’t bring myself to even reply. It’s like banging my head against a brick wall. She won’t listen. She hasn’t listened. She won’t see things past the end of her own experience. She has made me cry. She has made me scream. She has made me cuss, and my cussing is pretty minimal these days! She has made my Husband get an EARFUL of information/opinion/whining/venting/crying.

That said, before someone comments and says, “But adoption can be good.” Well, no duh. I’m not anti-adoption up in here, we know this. But I’m tired… so tired… of that whole line of bull. I was fed it by my wondrous agency. I know that mothers are still being force fed the same lines by the same agency, by other agencies, by their families who don’t know any better and by those who can’t look past the end of their nose to see, “Hmm, this might not be a woman who needs to place her baby.” (Because I think we can all admit that very few “voluntary” relinquishments are NEEDED.)

I’m just tired. I try to do a good job and structure my replies to expectant mothers based on what they write. Those who SAY that they want to parent get limited info about adoption (except EVERYONE gets told to research their state law on whether OA is legally enforceable in their state) and told about the many resources available. Those who are leaning mostly to adoption get more information on OA (still legally enforceable warning as well!) as well as a reminder to research any and all resources available from their state. I offer up the horror story of my agency when asked. I tell about the good relationship I have with my daughter and her family… and I also state that we’re not in the majority.

But, apparently it’s okay for half-truths, half-stories and rhetoric to be shoved down unsuspecting mothers’ throats.

Brick. Frickin. Wall.

I’m not saying to leave children in dangerous situations. Obviously. If the Dad can’t clean up his life before the baby is born, yes, there is a problem. But the Mother doesn’t seem dangerous. She seems young, scared and is now being bombarded with people telling her that partying is more important than her child. WHAT?! Are you serious? Recently, I asked on the forums, how birthparents dealt with their grief post-placement and many turned to alcohol and realized that it wasn’t the best idea. So let’s encourage partying and drinking as a way to think that the loss of a child means nothing in the grand scheme of things!

I know none of this will change while agencies are still providing biased counseling for expectant parents considering their options. There’s no way around it. They are in it to make money (let’s be honest). They have a vested interest in the expectant parents placing their child so, of course, they’re going to bring in people with good, happy stories. (Who, just to make sure my most recent troll understands, do exist. I’m not denying that, which I said in my previous post.)

That is why I believe, even more strongly than in the past, that agencies should have no hand in “counseling” these expectant parents. It should be done by a non-related third-party (with a degree, unlike my counselor from ANLC) who has experience in all forms of adoption (open, closed, and semi-open). These counselors should bring in an equal amount of happy and not-so-happy parties, including the few of us who do have good adoptions but take issue with a lot of what adoption does to birthparents.

Do I think it would make a difference for these women to see ALL sides of the story in a non-coercive format? My goodness, yes. And the thing is, some of these women would STILL place their children. FINE. I’m not saying that no woman should ever place her child; that’s just ridiculous. But do I think she should be informed of all possible outcomes? My goodness, yes. Adoptions that get closed. Good adoptions. The so-so adoptions. Regret. No regret. Secondary infertility. Eighteen more kids. INCLUDING women (&/or men) who made the decision to parent and either rejoice in it or regret it. Heck, bring in two women who had abortions with opposing viewpoints on how it changed their lives. Every option needs to be spoken for. All of it. Even listen to those mean old nasty angry birthmothers. Why? They have a story, just the same as the happy birthmothers.

We all have a story. It’s a shame only those who have the good ones are encouraged to tell them.

Where do we draw the line? How does a birthmother with a good match and relationship with the adoptive family figure out how far is too far when it comes to talking about her experience with expectant parents?

I ask not because I’m doing it. Heck no. I have no desire to do so. I’m watching others do so and it makes me want to scream and point, “Coercion! Coercion! Misleading information! Shut the heck up!” And some obscenities that I’m trying to let go of. Goodness, it’s hard to stop cussing. Especially on teh intraweb!

I know that current birthparents should inform expectant parents investigating their options if they are asked about adoption. One shouldn’t necessarily bust out with lies and say, “All adoptive parents are eeeeevil.” It just simply isn’t true. D isn’t evil. Frankly, the majority of adoptive parents that I know in real life aren’t evil. Though some are. And they make me want to cuss. Back to the same problem there.

But the problem is, agencies aren’t asking those of us who take issue(s) with adoption to come in and speak to these expectant parents. They’re bringing in the Happy Birthmother(s). (I will fully admit that some Happy Birthmothers are truly genuine, lucky and blessed. I will also fully admit that I used to be a HB and was living a lie. Same goes for many others who happen to be blogging around these parts. Moving on.) I fear that these unknowing expectant parents are only getting half-truths. A recent HB said that she wanted to portray adoption honestly but if you want to do that you need to bring in a woman whose life has truly been descimated(sp) by the placement of her child. You need to bring in a woman who placed her firstborn only to find out much later that, oops, no more kids for her. You need to bring in a woman, like myself, who still has the “Ideal Adoption” and still feels that empty hole in the center of her being and wishes, with all of her might, that things were different.

Totally unrealistic, eh? Sad.

And some will counter with, “This is the information age! People can look that kind of sob-story sh… stuff (caught myself)… up on the internet! Go to the library! Get off your rear-end!” Not always so.

Recently, a few people were discussing preparedness before placement and how we all come in with varying degrees. Well folks, I came in mostly blind. If you know even an iota of my story, you know that I had the pregnancy from Hades and was on bed rest from 18 weeks on; due to my financial constraints, my internet connection was unreliable (at best) and I didn’t have information sitting at my fingertips. Beyond that, when I did have internet, I didn’t listen to the “Scary Angry Birthmoms,” though to be honest, only one or two approached me and begged me to consider parenting. Everyone else was gung-ho for placement. Especially the agency.
I wish the agency would have discussed some (heck, any) of the emotional turmoil that a birthmother goes through post-placement. The whole, “You’ll be sad but you’ll move on,” crap is, well, crap. But I didn’t know any different. How could I?

It just makes me sad that other Birthmothers are out there, telling these nervous, unsure expectant parents that it will all be okay if they place their child. While things may work out in the end, nothing will ever, ever be the same again. (Though, nothing is the same when you parent, either, but there isn’t a sense of overwhelming loss and “What the $*#! did I DO?!) (Caught myself again.)

It’s all lines in the sand.