Comments for The Chronicles of Munchkin Land http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com Writing Our Ever-Evolving Story Sat, 04 Feb 2012 03:41:44 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Comment on Open Adoption Roundtable 34: Answering Questions by mandy http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2012/01/31/open-adoption-roundtable-34-answering-questions/comment-page-1/#comment-8751 mandy Sat, 04 Feb 2012 03:41:44 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/?p=2196#comment-8751 Great read and comments. I have never figuered out why people get so happy when they find out that Mita and Enu are bio sisters. They seem so pleased. I used to get the questions "why did their dad not want them" and I would go into an educational speal. Thankfully I don't get asked that any more as we are small town and most people know our story. I did make it a point not to share much info with people about birth parents. I didn't want other people to know more about my girls than they did! Great read and comments. I have never figuered out why people get so happy when they find out that Mita and Enu are bio sisters. They seem so pleased. I used to get the questions “why did their dad not want them” and I would go into an educational speal. Thankfully I don’t get asked that any more as we are small town and most people know our story.

I did make it a point not to share much info with people about birth parents. I didn’t want other people to know more about my girls than they did!

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]]> Comment on Open Adoption Roundtable 34: Answering Questions by Mia http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2012/01/31/open-adoption-roundtable-34-answering-questions/comment-page-1/#comment-8749 Mia Fri, 03 Feb 2012 04:14:53 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/?p=2196#comment-8749 I haven't really had any horrible questions. Many people have asked why our son was placed, how old his parents were, etc., but it never really bothered me. Although I'm not the best source for information about another person's decision, I guess they are asking me because I am available and less likely to be hurt by the question than a birth mom would be--if they know a birthmom. I think it's natural human curiosity to ask why someone does something that is increasingly statistically uncommon, emotionally traumatic, and heavily stigmatized in our society. With the exception of one person, I don't think anyone who has asked me why son was placed asked with any level of judgment in their heart or mind. I think they really just don't know what kinds of situations lead to placement, because they don't know anyone who made that decision. Even today, too many young women are coerced into placing, and too many parents choose to place because of poverty. I would never want to deny any woman the right to place her child, but I feel we all have a social duty to eliminate the conditions that lead to coerced placements and poverty-based placements, and the more people who know that those are often at the root of placement decisions, the more likely it is that those issues will be addressed, either at a personal level (supporting our town's organization that subsidizes housing and child care for single moms of preschool children) or at a social level (voting for living wages, free child care, more low-income housing, etc.). If we all act like it's the question that must not be asked, how will anyone who hasn't placed or had a conversation with a birth mom ever know what goes into it, and why THEY should care? I haven’t really had any horrible questions. Many people have asked why our son was placed, how old his parents were, etc., but it never really bothered me. Although I’m not the best source for information about another person’s decision, I guess they are asking me because I am available and less likely to be hurt by the question than a birth mom would be–if they know a birthmom.

I think it’s natural human curiosity to ask why someone does something that is increasingly statistically uncommon, emotionally traumatic, and heavily stigmatized in our society. With the exception of one person, I don’t think anyone who has asked me why son was placed asked with any level of judgment in their heart or mind. I think they really just don’t know what kinds of situations lead to placement, because they don’t know anyone who made that decision.

Even today, too many young women are coerced into placing, and too many parents choose to place because of poverty. I would never want to deny any woman the right to place her child, but I feel we all have a social duty to eliminate the conditions that lead to coerced placements and poverty-based placements, and the more people who know that those are often at the root of placement decisions, the more likely it is that those issues will be addressed, either at a personal level (supporting our town’s organization that subsidizes housing and child care for single moms of preschool children) or at a social level (voting for living wages, free child care, more low-income housing, etc.).

If we all act like it’s the question that must not be asked, how will anyone who hasn’t placed or had a conversation with a birth mom ever know what goes into it, and why THEY should care?

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]]> Comment on Open Adoption Roundtable 34: Answering Questions by Dena http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2012/01/31/open-adoption-roundtable-34-answering-questions/comment-page-1/#comment-8748 Dena Fri, 03 Feb 2012 01:06:17 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/?p=2196#comment-8748 Ha! I love the vagina comment. When people ask why my daughter's mom didn't keep her I want to ask what position they conceived their child in. Ha! I love the vagina comment. When people ask why my daughter’s mom didn’t keep her I want to ask what position they conceived their child in.

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]]> Comment on Open Adoption Roundtable 34: Answering Questions by Mary Elizabeth http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2012/01/31/open-adoption-roundtable-34-answering-questions/comment-page-1/#comment-8747 Mary Elizabeth Thu, 02 Feb 2012 23:04:13 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/?p=2196#comment-8747 Thank you. Thank you.

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]]> Comment on Open Adoption Roundtable 34: Answering Questions by Kelly http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2012/01/31/open-adoption-roundtable-34-answering-questions/comment-page-1/#comment-8746 Kelly Thu, 02 Feb 2012 22:59:41 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/?p=2196#comment-8746 I have been asked all the drug questions, age questions, sibling questions, what county is she from, (she's from here!) and if I do my daughter's hair myself questions. Most questions are made by people who most likely don't need to know anything about these things, they are just being nosy, or they clearly need educated on some subjects. I have had a few people who have said things, maybe unintentionally, that I think have been hurtful. A friend of my sister's introduced myself and Mea to a group of their friends by saying "This is Kelly and her adopted daughter Mea." Most everyone there who knew us, already knew this. The ones that didn't probably didn't need to know. My daughter doesn't need that qualifier, I don't and neither do any birth mother's out there either. For that matter, when people introduce my oldest daughter to people they don't say, "This is Mack, she came from Kelly's vagina." Which, is actually what I said to her when I corrected her on this. I have been asked all the drug questions, age questions, sibling questions, what county is she from, (she’s from here!) and if I do my daughter’s hair myself questions. Most questions are made by people who most likely don’t need to know anything about these things, they are just being nosy, or they clearly need educated on some subjects.

I have had a few people who have said things, maybe unintentionally, that I think have been hurtful. A friend of my sister’s introduced myself and Mea to a group of their friends by saying “This is Kelly and her adopted daughter Mea.” Most everyone there who knew us, already knew this. The ones that didn’t probably didn’t need to know. My daughter doesn’t need that qualifier, I don’t and neither do any birth mother’s out there either. For that matter, when people introduce my oldest daughter to people they don’t say, “This is Mack, she came from Kelly’s vagina.”

Which, is actually what I said to her when I corrected her on this.

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]]> Comment on Open Adoption Roundtable 34: Answering Questions by Amber http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2012/01/31/open-adoption-roundtable-34-answering-questions/comment-page-1/#comment-8744 Amber Thu, 02 Feb 2012 18:33:23 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/?p=2196#comment-8744 We started having our son's mom for overnight visits when he was around 3/4 months old. We all loved whenever she could come! She was in college then. Our son is almost 3 and she has now graduated and started her career. She comes for visits or to babysit him, but it's been a while since she's come for an overnight, though we always offer. I don't know if I can answer when things are too soon, but just do what is comfortable for both of you. We started having our son’s mom for overnight visits when he was around 3/4 months old. We all loved whenever she could come! She was in college then. Our son is almost 3 and she has now graduated and started her career. She comes for visits or to babysit him, but it’s been a while since she’s come for an overnight, though we always offer. I don’t know if I can answer when things are too soon, but just do what is comfortable for both of you.

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]]> Comment on Open Adoption Roundtable 34: Answering Questions by Sarah http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2012/01/31/open-adoption-roundtable-34-answering-questions/comment-page-1/#comment-8743 Sarah Thu, 02 Feb 2012 01:00:50 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/?p=2196#comment-8743 I get that one a lot. I haven't found a good reply that doesn't involve me pointing out something unflattering about them/ their personality. I *occasionally* consider slapping the person. I'm okay with that though. I kinda like getting to rip into someone once in a while. I get that one a lot. I haven’t found a good reply that doesn’t involve me pointing out something unflattering about them/ their personality. I *occasionally* consider slapping the person. I’m okay with that though. I kinda like getting to rip into someone once in a while.

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]]> Comment on Open Adoption Roundtable 34: Answering Questions by Jodi http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2012/01/31/open-adoption-roundtable-34-answering-questions/comment-page-1/#comment-8742 Jodi Wed, 01 Feb 2012 21:57:46 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/?p=2196#comment-8742 I thank you for bringing this up. I think conversation with our kids about stuff like this would be a good thing. Or at least to let them know we are open to processing the hurt. Are there any questions you would recommend we ask our children that may have helped you at that time? I thank you for bringing this up. I think conversation with our kids about stuff like this would be a good thing. Or at least to let them know we are open to processing the hurt. Are there any questions you would recommend we ask our children that may have helped you at that time?

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]]> Comment on Open Adoption Roundtable 34: Answering Questions by Ann http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2012/01/31/open-adoption-roundtable-34-answering-questions/comment-page-1/#comment-8741 Ann Wed, 01 Feb 2012 21:37:10 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/?p=2196#comment-8741 Most of the time when that question was asked it was not in front of any parents. I never told anyone about it when I got home either. It was too hurtful to talk about for me. Most of the time when that question was asked it was not in front of any parents. I never told anyone about it when I got home either. It was too hurtful to talk about for me.

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]]> Comment on Open Adoption Roundtable 34: Answering Questions by Jodi http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2012/01/31/open-adoption-roundtable-34-answering-questions/comment-page-1/#comment-8740 Jodi Wed, 01 Feb 2012 21:19:14 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/?p=2196#comment-8740 I think that is horrible. There was an older sister(maybe 8) of a kid in my son's preschool class that actually asked us how much it cost to adopt our children, right in front of her dad, and he didn't say anything. I said, maybe you can ask your dad on the way home why some of those questions could hurt people's feelings. He never apologized. I guess he didn't see why there was anything wrong with that...or was just too embarrassed. I don't get into a huff over the 'real' mom terminology. I have foster kid friends who get confused what to call their foster parents and their moms so they even use real mom. A mom is a mom--whether foster, birth or adoptive. I think that is horrible. There was an older sister(maybe 8) of a kid in my son’s preschool class that actually asked us how much it cost to adopt our children, right in front of her dad, and he didn’t say anything. I said, maybe you can ask your dad on the way home why some of those questions could hurt people’s feelings. He never apologized. I guess he didn’t see why there was anything wrong with that…or was just too embarrassed. I don’t get into a huff over the ‘real’ mom terminology. I have foster kid friends who get confused what to call their foster parents and their moms so they even use real mom. A mom is a mom–whether foster, birth or adoptive.

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