The Chronicles of Munchkin Land

Open Adoption Roundtable 33: What I Learned in 2011

Jan 012012

The newest Open Adoption Roundtable prompts us:

What did you learn about open adoption in 2011?

Oh, 2011.

I learned a few things about open adoption in 2011, and almost none of what I learned came from my daughter, her parents or my own immediate family.

It came from people outside of our family, from people who don’t (and won’t) have a say in how we act, react, educate our children or function as a family unit.

And not to be cynical on the first day of a new year, but most of what I learned wasn’t good. However, when you look at the lessons I’ve learned this year as a whole, it can be boiled down to one simple statement:

You do not get to dictate how we live our open adoption.

The parties involved in this relationship are the only ones who get to decide what it is right — or wrong. Only we can decide what is “too much,” whether that’s contact or space or sharing or thought or grief or happiness or love. Only we can decide who we tell, how much we tell and when we get around to telling. Only we can decide what feels right at any given time — and we reserve the right to change our minds. More over, we only know what works for us. We don’t know what will work — or won’t — for your family.

I’d like to think that the lessons I learned about open adoption — and the unsolicited opinions (and nastiness) of others — in 2011 will let me live 2012 a little more freely. I’m human, of course, and so the words and actions of others will still affect me in one way or another.

But it comes down to this: I won’t apologize for my family. I won’t change how we do things just to make you feel better. I won’t quit doing what I’m doing just so you feel better about the path your life journey has taken.

In 2011, I learned that people don’t want us to be who we are when it comes to open adoption. I also learned that we are who we are, not to quote Ke$ha. And I’m done trying not to be. Screw it, let’s quote her: You know we’re superstars. We are who we are.

And we won’t be anything but ourselves in 2012. I don’t see any reason to be anything but ourselves. Because we’re awesome — every last one of us.

Happy New Year! I hope you and yours are allowed the freedom to be yourselves as well.

Top Posts of 2011

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Looking back on 2011

1. The Adoption Reading Challenge — I’m pleased that this was the top post on the blog this year. Many people visited, joined, read and reviewed books about adoption. I consider last year a success and look forward to the Adoption Reading Challenge 2012. Join us!

2. Let’s Just Cool It With the Casey Anthony Adoption Talk, Okay? — I’m actually not pleased that this post is in the Top 10, let alone in second place. Lots of people landed on that post by searching for variations on Casey’s name and various adoption terms. However, lots of people landed on that post by searching various death threat type strings as well. It disgusted me on a regular basis.

3. Lifetime Adoption Conference Call: Bet They Didn’t Expect Me to Be There — This one actually was most popular when it ran in March because you guys shared the snot out of it. Thanks, readers! I’m actually on the front page of Google results for “Lifetime Adoption” because of that post, which I think is a win-and-a-half.

4. Request for Ethical Adoption Agencies in Pennsylvania — This is a funny post in that it wasn’t popular until last month when one of the employees/relatives got disgruntled about a comment Suz left, started whining and then sent cronies to the post to leave comments. I approved most, neglecting to approve those that called me or my readers inappropriate names. Of course, joke is on them as I got paid for each of those page views. So thanks for the money! It’s greatly appreciated.

5. What Kind of Mother Gives Up Her Kids — Oh man, that post caused the drama. But it’s awesome anyway.

6. I Am Not a Unicorn — My favorite post of the year, which was also a nominee for BlogHer’s Voices of the Year. It had a resurgence of hits later in the year when Glee ran it’s episode entitled “I Am a Unicorn.” Accidental keyword win on my part!

7. Why I Won’t Write for Your Adoption Agency Blog — I wrote this post as a response to the constant requests from adoption agencies to take something I wrote and put it on their agency’s blog. Without offer to pay. Without reading more into my blog to realize, hey, I hate most agencies. It was hot the month it was written and has remained steady as I included it in my FAQ. Because, no, I won’t write for your adoption agency. Good gravy.

8. The New Season of Parenthood and That Pesky Adoption Storyline — I don’t know how the season will play out, what will become of Zoe’s baby and the upcoming biological father drama that is about to play out. I do know that Parenthood writers chose the easy path when it comes to working adoption into a drama storyline. I’m not a fan of it. At all.

9. Things I Won’t Say — Someone contacted me privately and told me I was overreacting and to get over it after this post was written. Well, that’s one way to look at it. Or, I don’t know, people could think about what they’re saying and how it makes others feel. Just sayin’.

10. Why Dr. Drew Can Take a Long Walk Off a Short Pier — My favorite part of that post? “Hold up, Bucko.” Oh man! I have to be honest and admit that my husband and I watched a few episodes of Teen Mom 2 this year on one of those marathon days. It’s still sad. (A reminder: If you are a pregnant teen considering adoption, please read my warning about the show 16 & Pregnant and the facilitator that does their casting. Please avoid them at all costs.)

Coming up behind the Top 10 of the year were all of my posts about Glee and Parenthood, book reviews, and a few other posts of personal nature that make me happy to see up high on the stats list. I don’t pay much attention to stats (except when agencies send in the clowns, and then I mark IP addresses and watch the money start to roll in), so this is always a fun retrospective… to see what others found most popular and/or beneficial on the site.

Tomorrow (2012?!?!?!), I’ll be joining the newest Open Adoption Roundtable which asks what we learned about open adoption in 2011. Should be… interesting.