I came across a comment on another blog post recently that has been bugging me to no end. The commenter said, and I paraphrase because I’m not into the kind of linking which results in mass attacks, “Birth parents and adult adoptees make sweeping generalizations on their blogs [all the time].”

Maybe.

But so do adoptive parents. And foster parents. And, to jump out of the adoption niche for thirty seconds, so do:

Biological parents who never had to consider issues of fertility or adoption and are merely parenting the children that they gave birth to. Single parents. Two parent families. Divorced parents. Single parents. Non-parents. Stepparents. Food bloggers. Tech bloggers. Political bloggers. Entertainment bloggers. Book bloggers. Review bloggers.

The list goes on and on.

While it doesn’t justify the issue, I’d be willing to bet that you can’t find me a niche in which a blogger hasn’t made some kind of sweeping generalization that made somebody upset. Even if it only made one person upset, it still counts. Even if the blogger in question was simply writing a review about the movie and said something to the effect of “this director has absolutely no talent and every single movie he has ever made has been complete crap.” Sweeping. Even if it was a food blogger who said “anyone who cooks with x-product doesn’t care about the health of their family.” Generalization. Even if it was a political blogger who said “if you believe x, you are y.” It’s done in every niche.

It doesn’t make it right. But don’t tell me that birth parents and adoptees are the only ones guilty of such a thing. I’ve been called bitter, angry, stupid, immoral. It has been said that birth parents in open adoption are just in it for the fun. It’s been said that birth parents in open adoption are lazy. Adoptive parents have said all kinds of nasty things about birth parents, as a group, on forums and their own blogs for ages. Do I hold that against adoptive parents as a group? Do I shun adoptive parent blogs simply because they have a few bad apples? Do I ignore all adult adoptees because one doesn’t like me? Do I write off birth parent blogs because someone wrote one post, one time, in which she vented her frustration at a system that is, quite honestly, deeply flawed?

No. Instead, I work on my own issues. I try to make sure I’m not guilty of the sweeping generalization, though I will be the first to admit that I have done it before. I did it regularly at first, as I was still working through my own anger issues. More recently, I made the mistake of make a generalized statement because I used the wrong word. I referred to a group and used most instead of some to quantify a specific action/reaction. I apologized. I try not to do it again. But, really, I’m human as are all of the other bloggers out there, no matter their niche. Unless a specific blogger is purposefully and regularly degrading someone or a group of people, I really don’t have an issue with an occasional rant or even, as the case may be, a regular look at things that need to be changed.

But don’t tell me that it’s just me and my birth parent brothers and sisters. And, certainly, don’t tell me that it’s just adult adoptees. Because that statement, in itself, is a huge and offensive sweeping generalization that gets me all riled up and causes me to want to making sweeping generalizations of my own.

Hold individual bloggers responsible for their words, not an entire group.

Recently I was accused of letting adoption rule my life here on this blog. Someone else sent a nasty message on the family blog about how I hide behind my children. Apparently you can’t please everyone by what you choose to share… and what you choose to withhold… on your blog(s).

Adoption has shaped a large part of who I am. Adoption is not all that I am. In fact, even if you read my other blog, the other blogs I contribute to, twitter, Facebook and anything else that I participate online, you will still only have the very basic of ideas as to who I am as a person, a wife, a mother, a birth mother, a friend, a daughter, a sister, and so on.

I read like an open book sometimes. I frequently let it all hang out there, opening up my experience for others to read, learn from, share their own and generally participate in the give and take of life lessons. I’ve spoken, honestly, as to how the experience of blogging has been integral in my healing process. More over, I have made some life long friends, inside and outside the adoption blogosphere/industry/realm. My life has been changed by their sharing, their caring, their challenges and their friendship.

But that doesn’t mean that even the closest among them know every last thing about me.

There are things that I don’t find it necessary to talk about on the Internet or even with my real life friends over weekly coffee. I’m not going to launch into lengthy diatribes about faith; I have mine, you have yours, end of story for me. I’m not going to discuss our finances other than to say the tax refund was good and we’re buying a new couch and recliner. When we’re struggling, I won’t complain out loud. When we’re rolling in the dough (see also point 4 here), I won’t rave out loud. I’m not going to discuss sex or anything associated with it. (Hi, Mother-in-law!) I’m also not going to go into lengthy discussions about family relationships on the blogs because they read. (Also, I’ve learned that if you write about your family when you’re angry, it hurts more than it helps.) Those things, faith and money and sex and family, are huge parts of my life. Not discussing them means that my readers don’t know those parts of my life.

But just because I don’t discuss them doesn’t mean that they don’t exist, don’t shape who I am. I think it’s important that we keep that in mind when we read others’ blogs. Even someone who seems to wear their heart on their blog isn’t likely telling you absolutely everything. I know that I’ve jumped to a conclusion and even, gasp, judged before only to later learn the whole story… and ended up feeling like a heel. I’ve apologized to those individuals. I’ll apologize again in the future because I will forget to take my own advice and I’ll think, “What the heck is this person going on about?” But I try to keep it in mind at all times.

All of this is my long-winded way of saying that I’m more than a birth mother. I am more than adoption. I am even more than an everyday mom. And a wife. And even more than a blogger. So much more.