I haven’t written here in two weeks. I have reasons. We were on a much-needed and gloriously relaxing family vacation. Then we lost and buried a dear friend. And then I beat feet to the Type-A Parent Conference (at which I spoke on photography)… and during which I got twelve different kinds of inspired. I’m sure I’ll talk about some of the fire lighting that occurred during the conference over the next few weeks, either here or there, but right now, I have to talk about something important.
First off, I met Katherine Stone (@postpartumprogr). If you’re not familiar with the work she does at Postpartum Progress, you need to hit her site and be in awe of all she has done. She recently got her 501(c)3 for her non-profit and I couldn’t be more proud of her. We’ve “known” each other for years, as I experienced postpartum depression after the birth of each of my sons. And, if I was able to separate the PTSD caused by relinquishment from PPD, I could probably claim that as well after Munchkin’s birth. I have history of depression which is a risk factor for PPD. Thankfully, I got the help I needed. Which is really why Katherine’s site exists.
I attended her session on Cause Blogging for many reasons. I get passionate about the cause of birth parents and ethical adoption. And I adore Katherine. And two wild-and-crazy ladies made sure I showed up there as well and didn’t hide out in my room due to anxiety about speaking during the next time slot. (Check out their joint effort, by the way.) I knew I wanted to go. I told Katherine I was going. And I’m glad I went.
But man, it was intense for me.
First of all, I was surrounded by people who are doing wonderful things within their cause. In attendance was Susan (@whymommy) who won the Bloganthropy (@bloganthropy) award for her work with Mothers With Cancer (among many other awesome things that she does). And Ellen (@lovethatmax) who is pretty awesome. And Dawn Davenport (@dawndavenport1), the awesome behind Creating A Family (you remember my radio interview, yes?). And I got twelve kinds of antsy when I realized that these people are Big Stuff. I mean, who am I? Just some birth mother with a blog. Who cares?
I almost totally shut down when Katherine told us that we need to “wear our cause on our sleeves.” She related a story about how she recently was talking about her site and PPD in a group of mixed company when a pastor said that he never knows where to refer mothers who come to him with postpartum issues. Now he does, simply because she talked about it at will. She said that’s why we need to be open about who we are and what we do.
… sigh.
Later (as in not during her session) I told her that I don’t want to wear adoption on my sleeve, or more specifically, the title of birth mother. Everyone has always told me that discretion is fine. I can tell people about my title of birth mother when I am ready, or as I say it, when it comes up organically. I don’t introduce myself, “Hi, I’m Jenna and I’m a birth mother.” She told me that I don’t have to do it that way.
But attending blogging conferences is interesting in this regard. I met two new people at our very first dinner get-together. Sherry asked me, “So what do you blog about?” I had just handed her my card. There are obviously two blogs listed. I stumbled for a second and thought to myself, “Eff it,” and went ahead and explained my story as briefly as possible. I had the inward anxiety flush and I kind of lost my hearing for a moment. This scene was repeated… well, repeatedly throughout the conference. I didn’t die. Maybe Katherine is right.
The truth is that as I continue to write here (and, well, everywhere), I become less anxious with saying, “I’m a birth mother.” At the Birthmother’s Day event in May, I kind of balked at being asked, “Are you a birth mother” during sign in, but I said yes. And I didn’t burst into flame nor did anyone chase me with a pitchfork. I had to do so at the end of Katherine’s session as we all stated our names, blogs and causes. It’s interesting to me that absolutely no one said anything negative to me all weekend. Some asked questions. Some didn’t. Some just said that they liked my necklace. (I have awesome necklaces.)
Back to the session, Katherine reminded us to be personal in our postings as we are each the faces of our cause. By being personal, we are bringing it home to those who happen across our sites. We are relate-able. We are real. We are not a statistic or a number.
Between her session and Patti Digh‘s (@pattidigh) keynote and session, I feel a renewed sense of purpose. I’ll be working on some inward things over the next few weeks to figure out some stuff. And, really, the travel break from posting about adoption was probably what I needed. We have another visit coming up and I feel a clarity if not a peace about it.
I’m learning to be okay with who I am in this journey and how I view things. As Patti instructed us, I’m going to be working on letting go of the audience, embracing the ordinary and using my voice. Those were always my goals. I just needed to be reminded.
It’s funny that my head is overflowing with posts, but I needed to get all of this out and said first. Hopefully they stick around for awhile; at least long enough to get them out!
My name is Jenna. I blog here, 
