I’ll share the list of movies and “respondents” on panel. Please note the 3:00 one.

Adoption on Film: Families Lost and Found
September 16 -17, 2011 Frick Fine Arts Auditorium
University of Pittsburgh

Friday, September 16 7:30 pm
Wo Ai Ni (I Love You) Mommy (Stephanie Wang-Breal, 2010)

Director Stephanie Wang-Breal will present and discuss.

Saturday, September 17 1:00 pm
Adopted: For the Life of Me (Jean Strauss, 2010)
Respondent: Amanda Woolston, founder of AdopteeRights PA

3:00 pm
To Each His Own (Mitchell Leisen, 1946)
Respondents: Kate Livingston, Ph. D. candidate in Women’s Studies, OSU,
and Molly Brown, Lecturer in Film Studies, Pitt

7:30 pm
Secrets and Lies (Mike Leigh, 1996)
Respondents: Alison Patterson, Visiting Lecturer, Film Studies, Pitt
Marianne Novy, Professor, English, Pitt

Presented by Pittsburgh Consortium for Adoption Studies, University of
Pittsburgh School of Arts and Sciences Department of English, Film
Studies Program, Women’s Studies Program, Three Rivers Families with
Children from China

For more information contact mnovy@pitt.edu or alp30@pitt.edu

I really wish I was going, not because I think sitting and watching adoption movies for 24 hours would do my psyche good. But just because I think it would be fun to see Kate up front and make faces at her. Especially since I can’t attend the Ohio Birthparent Group this month which happens to be the very next day. I can’t attend OBG because my husband works his 24 hour shift on Sunday and BigBrother has a soccer game. That simply doesn’t work. Such is life. Sometimes I can make a choice to go and sometimes I have to make the choice to stay home.

Anyway, I can’t go to the Film Festival because I’ll be presenting at PodCamp with BurghBaby. We’ll be presenting Blogging 201: Keeping Your Blog Going. I could be all self-snarky and say something like, “One way to keep your blog going is to do something that will give your life-long grief and loss. Then you’ll never run out of things to say!” In fact, I might say something of that nature, but not quite in the same way.

If you’re attending the Film Festival, please blog about it so I can feel like I was there. If you’re attending PodCamp (it’s free!), attend our session. Or go to the Film Festival. Either way, enjoy Pittsburgh this weekend. I will be!

First off, I met Katherine Stone (@postpartumprogr). If you’re not familiar with the work she does at Postpartum Progress, you need to hit her site and be in awe of all she has done. She recently got her 501(c)3 for her non-profit and I couldn’t be more proud of her. We’ve “known” each other for years, as I experienced postpartum depression after the birth of each of my sons. And, if I was able to separate the PTSD caused by relinquishment from PPD, I could probably claim that as well after Munchkin’s birth. I have history of depression which is a risk factor for PPD. Thankfully, I got the help I needed. Which is really why Katherine’s site exists.

I attended her session on Cause Blogging for many reasons. I get passionate about the cause of birth parents and ethical adoption. And I adore Katherine. And two wild-and-crazy ladies made sure I showed up there as well and didn’t hide out in my room due to anxiety about speaking during the next time slot. (Check out their joint effort, by the way.) I knew I wanted to go. I told Katherine I was going. And I’m glad I went.

But man, it was intense for me.

First of all, I was surrounded by people who are doing wonderful things within their cause. In attendance was Susan (@whymommy) who won the Bloganthropy (@bloganthropy) award for her work with Mothers With Cancer (among many other awesome things that she does). And Ellen (@lovethatmax) who is pretty awesome. And Dawn Davenport (@dawndavenport1), the awesome behind Creating A Family (you remember my radio interview, yes?). And I got twelve kinds of antsy when I realized that these people are Big Stuff. I mean, who am I? Just some birth mother with a blog. Who cares?

I almost totally shut down when Katherine told us that we need to “wear our cause on our sleeves.” She related a story about how she recently was talking about her site and PPD in a group of mixed company when a pastor said that he never knows where to refer mothers who come to him with postpartum issues. Now he does, simply because she talked about it at will. She said that’s why we need to be open about who we are and what we do.

… sigh.

Later (as in not during her session) I told her that I don’t want to wear adoption on my sleeve, or more specifically, the title of birth mother. Everyone has always told me that discretion is fine. I can tell people about my title of birth mother when I am ready, or as I say it, when it comes up organically. I don’t introduce myself, “Hi, I’m Jenna and I’m a birth mother.” She told me that I don’t have to do it that way.

But attending blogging conferences is interesting in this regard. I met two new people at our very first dinner get-together. Sherry asked me, “So what do you blog about?” I had just handed her my card. There are obviously two blogs listed. I stumbled for a second and thought to myself, “Eff it,” and went ahead and explained my story as briefly as possible. I had the inward anxiety flush and I kind of lost my hearing for a moment. This scene was repeated… well, repeatedly throughout the conference. I didn’t die. Maybe Katherine is right.

The truth is that as I continue to write here (and, well, everywhere), I become less anxious with saying, “I’m a birth mother.” At the Birthmother’s Day event in May, I kind of balked at being asked, “Are you a birth mother” during sign in, but I said yes. And I didn’t burst into flame nor did anyone chase me with a pitchfork. I had to do so at the end of Katherine’s session as we all stated our names, blogs and causes. It’s interesting to me that absolutely no one said anything negative to me all weekend. Some asked questions. Some didn’t. Some just said that they liked my necklace. (I have awesome necklaces.)

Back to the session, Katherine reminded us to be personal in our postings as we are each the faces of our cause. By being personal, we are bringing it home to those who happen across our sites. We are relate-able. We are real. We are not a statistic or a number.

Between her session and Patti Digh‘s (@pattidigh) keynote and session, I feel a renewed sense of purpose. I’ll be working on some inward things over the next few weeks to figure out some stuff. And, really, the travel break from posting about adoption was probably what I needed. We have another visit coming up and I feel a clarity if not a peace about it.

I’m learning to be okay with who I am in this journey and how I view things. As Patti instructed us, I’m going to be working on letting go of the audience, embracing the ordinary and using my voice. Those were always my goals. I just needed to be reminded.

It’s funny that my head is overflowing with posts, but I needed to get all of this out and said first. Hopefully they stick around for awhile; at least long enough to get them out!

I decided to go wading through old posts just now, which was probably a bad idea. All the same, I came across one from November 25, 2003 — 18 days before the Munchkin was born. Looking back at this now, I ache in ways that I didn’t know to ache then.

I’m so confused as of late. I just want to curl up in bed and hide from the masses. But that makes the days last twice as long, I’ve noticed. So, if I just keep completely busy… I won’t have time to think… “I’m going to miss her so much.” “I’ll never be good enough for Him.” “I don’t know what I want to do with my life.” “I don’t know if I can do this anymore.” So, I’ll just do things like… plan to make three deserts for Thanksgiving, plan on three different dinners on Thanksgiving day, do lots of laundry, make plans out the wazoo, visit old friends, write letters, write entries, and all sorts of randomness.

I’m trying to hide. But I’m not invisible.

This is one of the rare posts in which I allowed myself to voice confusion. I talked of sadness often, but not confusion. I wonder what — exactly — I was thinking then. I wish I could be a fly on the wall of that memory. I wonder if I would have listened to Future Me. Probably not.

I am grateful for those writings. But they are very difficult for me to read. I’ll save them again for another day.

I’ve never received a Top Anything award with relation to Anything Blog Related. In high school, I was voted Most Likely To Be Famous. And, to be fair to myself, I did get a nod from BlogHer and fellow bloggers last year with the Voices of the Year. But this warms my heart a little. Why?

A birth mother (me) was acknowledged by a mainstream media outlet that caters largely to adoptive families. Hence the happily shocked part.

I did ask my contact how this cool thing came about. This is the first time the magazine has done a bloggy roundup. She was kind enough to explain it to me.

As for how the selection process happened, we asked for reader suggestions and the magazine editors picked which blogs made the final cut. Other information, such as who else will be included, won’t be released until the magazine hits newsstands, which is March 8th.

Someone out there gets some virtual hugs from me.

I’ve been writing this blog for five years now. I have been blogging for ten years sometime this Spring. (I don’t have an exact date as that first blog was deleted in a hasty click one emotional college day. I do know it was in the Spring as I was in the dorm room that my college roomie and I moved into for Spring semester of our Sophomore year and it was actual Spring because I remember being warm (instead of freezing) and the windows being open.) But this blog has always had a special spot in my heart because it contains so much raw emotion, change and growth over the years. It has, as people have told me, helped others in their journey while simultaneously helping me. I am not who I was when I started this blog, and as I have continued to grow into who I am today, I hope to continue to grow into who I will be tomorrow… and the next day… and the next day.

I want to thank my loyal readers, my quiet readers, those who have challenged me and those who have supported me over the years. I have, at various times, been tempted to chuck this blog, lock it up or simply let it fade and waste away into blog etherland. Every time I have a feeling like that, someone says something that encourages me to keep on keeping on. So, thank you.

I’m apparently getting a badge for my sidebar when the magazine hits stands. I’ll probably blog about it again once I see who else is included and such. Looking forward to honoring other picks as well.

But, yes, thank you. So much.

I chuckled again. Just now.

I was not offended. I even understood the confusion — kind of. Truth is that even as a birth mother, I could — theoretically — have pictures of my (relinquished) daughter on my sidebar. As my flickr widget shows the four most recent pictures that are public on my photostream, any number of things could be over there. Right now? It’s birds. And a photo of my boys from last night that made it into my Project 365 Favorites set. After a visit with the Munchkin and family, I usually make one or two photos public. So, yes, she could have been over there on the sidebar, smiling at you.

The exchange, polite and not at all offensive to me, got me to thinking about blogging as a birth parent.

First and foremost, I have always asked Dee what I can and cannot share. Back before the days of Super Serious Blogging, I obtained permission to share her photos online with my friends and family. This was pre-Facebook era, so I was sharing on Photobucket and LiveJournal. Eventually I moved onto sharing via Flickr and my public blogs. Now I throw up some photos from visits on Facebook as well.

When it comes to the actual sharing of words, the meat and potatoes of our relationship, I make sure to ask now. I made a mistake a time or two in over-sharing, though never with malice or in outright anger. The one time I was dealing with some heavy stuff on my end and forgot to share my story, not hers. We talked about it and life went on, not unlike when bloggers share too much about their mother-in-law and realize, the hard way, that she is actually reading.

But I do write about our relationship, the cute things the Munchkin says and, yes, I do share pictures. There are certain subjects on which I no longer write for various reasons. What I feel comfortable sharing changes from time to time; the ebb and flow of open adoption changes the tides of my comfort level here and there. I try to make sure the focus of whatever I’m sharing about our relationship is on me, my interaction with Dee or the Munchkin and my take away from the exchange. I don’t want to put words into Dee’s mouth — or the Munchkin’s for that matter. I’m careful, but I’m also honest.

This whole thing made me remember how I was not welcome in the Mommy Blogging niche when I first started this particular blog. Part of it was because I made people uncomfortable; I still do. Part of it was because people are so darn defensive with the title of mother. I’ve watched groups gang up on stepmom bloggers as well, treating them in much the same way I was treated when this blog started to gain recognition back in 2006. I’ve watched other alternative types of families be hassled and heckled for sharing things in their own ways, and I just don’t understand. Or, I do understand, but it seems quite ridiculous that certain groups of people can’t allow for the open sharing of information, emotions and experiences.

Over the years, I’ve come to be okay with being shunned by the traditional mommy blogging circuit when it comes to this particular blog. I know that I push envelopes and many people don’t want to be forced to reconsider long-held beliefs while they’re sipping their coffee and rushing through early morning blog reading. Some of my posts — especially some written just last month — are difficult reads. Honestly, they’re difficult to write as well. As open and honest as I am, it’s not always easy — or fun — to put myself out on the line. When I take into consideration the verbal bashing I get from time to time from people who don’t, can’t or won’t attempt to understand (open) adoption from a birth mother’s point of view, there are days when I simply can’t open up here — in my own safe space.

But I do it because it’s part of me, part of my family’s day-to-day life. We may not discuss adoption to death on a daily basis, but it is always a shadow lurker in our life. She is, by and large, not here in the physical sense, but she is always with us: in our prayers at night, in a discussion about what girls like to play with, at the missing table setting when we sit down to eat. Some people understand it, want to know more. Other people don’t. And who can blame them?

I’ve never been one who fits in with the popular crowd. I wasn’t disliked in high school; I got along with most everyone except for two very different (from one another) girls who chose to bully me for reasons I still don’t quite understand. I had friends, but wasn’t often included in the things The Cool Kids did. Maybe that’s why it doesn’t bother me too much that The Cool Kids don’t really accept me now. They don’t heckle me, but they sure don’t get involved in what I’m doing, saying or sharing. Perhaps I’ve always been a trailblazer, content to do what I’m doing whether or not it is Socially Acceptable or not. It’s not that I don’t long for people to recognize that, hey, birth parents aren’t the scary people society has painted them to be. Or that my presence in my daughter’s life is real, valid and important. Or that adoptees deserve access to their Original Birth Certificates. Or that the state of adoption within our country is in desperate need of ethical reform. I do; I want people to know those things as much as they know that two parents who give birth to a child are parents and two people who adopt a child are parents and that children — all children — deserve safe, loving, permanent homes.

But I’m okay with mostly being an outsider.

I know I’m less possessive of terminology and titles as I once was; I have settled into a confidence in the Who I Am To My Daughter discussion. I don’t know society to acknowledge my mothering; I know what I have done, what I do. I now know that the hatred and anger spewed at me when I discuss certain topics — especially related to titles in adoption — is not about me and what I share; it’s about the responder and what they’re dealing with. I take it in stride.

Blogging adoption as a birth mother has not always been easy, but I keep at it because it helps me process. When I write out my thoughts and feelings and see them on the screen, I understand where I’m coming from; the type making it real in my eyes and in my mind.

And so, no, new readers, I’m not an adoptive mom. I know many of those who write their own blogs who happen to be fantastic, and if you need some suggestions, please let me know. I’m a birth mother (who sometimes uses the term first mother). And a mom. And a wife. And a writer. And an editor. And a photographer. And so many things. I don’t have just one title. I don’t quite fit in anywhere.

And, really, it’s okay.

According to my stats, these were my most popular posts in 2010. Of note, they weren’t necessarily written in 2010, but they were the most landed-on, clicked-thru type posts.

1. The Census and Adoption — Inspired by the census form which made my head explode.

2. A New Low for the Adoption Industry — Inspired by the fact that the unethical non-agency thru which I placed (ANLC) was “recruiting” “birth mothers” for the show 16 & Pregnant.

3. The Woman Upstairs — One of my favorite pieces of writing about an experience during my pregnancy with the Munchkin. (From 2009.)

4. Germs – My most favorite adoption conversation. Ever.

5. Redbook Says: Women Don’t Need to Know About Birth Mothers — Inspired by an article in Redbook in which they only covered women considering adopting, not relinquishing. Which then resulted in a Letter to the Editor, which Redbook chose to print even though they changed my words.

6. Adoption Carnival III: Pictures of Adoption — I’m sure this is hit on because of the word “adoption” and “pictures” which kind of makes me go “ick.” But I hope that people who land on it learn something in the process. Plus, my children are adorable. (As an aside, LittleBrother is now wearing that coat. Why do they grow so quickly?)

7. Thoughts on Recent Adoption Announcements — Inspired by Sandra Bullock and Sheryl Crow’s 2010 adoptions. (Note: Crow’s second son’s adoption is closed. Or so she said in an interview.)

8. Rosie Talks to Marie Osmond: I Weep — Rosie O’Donnell interviewed the Osmonds on a radio show. I just so happened to tune into a segment about adoption in which Osmond talked about honoring birth parents.

9. Facebook Made Me Anxious — A meme about posting a photo about your first child made me all inner-verklempt. Amusingly, this search string brings lots of people to the blog. Facebook = anxiety inducer.

10. Rebuttal Letter — Kate Livingston started a Birth Parent Discussion group in Columbus. The Dispatch ran a piece about it. Shortly thereafter a letter ran in the LTE’s about how selfish birth parents were for missing their children and needing an safe outlet to discuss those emotions. I had stuff to say.

This was an interesting lesson in what resonates with people — and what doesn’t. My least-read posts are from the first year this blog existed which was pre-Facebook/twitter social media link exchange craziness. I don’t know where this blog will go in terms of content this year… mainly because I don’t know what adoption related joys and trials we will face.

But I do know that I like this space because of the give-and-take we have created. Minus the crazies, you know.

Maybe.

But so do adoptive parents. And foster parents. And, to jump out of the adoption niche for thirty seconds, so do:

Biological parents who never had to consider issues of fertility or adoption and are merely parenting the children that they gave birth to. Single parents. Two parent families. Divorced parents. Single parents. Non-parents. Stepparents. Food bloggers. Tech bloggers. Political bloggers. Entertainment bloggers. Book bloggers. Review bloggers.

The list goes on and on.

While it doesn’t justify the issue, I’d be willing to bet that you can’t find me a niche in which a blogger hasn’t made some kind of sweeping generalization that made somebody upset. Even if it only made one person upset, it still counts. Even if the blogger in question was simply writing a review about the movie and said something to the effect of “this director has absolutely no talent and every single movie he has ever made has been complete crap.” Sweeping. Even if it was a food blogger who said “anyone who cooks with x-product doesn’t care about the health of their family.” Generalization. Even if it was a political blogger who said “if you believe x, you are y.” It’s done in every niche.

It doesn’t make it right. But don’t tell me that birth parents and adoptees are the only ones guilty of such a thing. I’ve been called bitter, angry, stupid, immoral. It has been said that birth parents in open adoption are just in it for the fun. It’s been said that birth parents in open adoption are lazy. Adoptive parents have said all kinds of nasty things about birth parents, as a group, on forums and their own blogs for ages. Do I hold that against adoptive parents as a group? Do I shun adoptive parent blogs simply because they have a few bad apples? Do I ignore all adult adoptees because one doesn’t like me? Do I write off birth parent blogs because someone wrote one post, one time, in which she vented her frustration at a system that is, quite honestly, deeply flawed?

No. Instead, I work on my own issues. I try to make sure I’m not guilty of the sweeping generalization, though I will be the first to admit that I have done it before. I did it regularly at first, as I was still working through my own anger issues. More recently, I made the mistake of make a generalized statement because I used the wrong word. I referred to a group and used most instead of some to quantify a specific action/reaction. I apologized. I try not to do it again. But, really, I’m human as are all of the other bloggers out there, no matter their niche. Unless a specific blogger is purposefully and regularly degrading someone or a group of people, I really don’t have an issue with an occasional rant or even, as the case may be, a regular look at things that need to be changed.

But don’t tell me that it’s just me and my birth parent brothers and sisters. And, certainly, don’t tell me that it’s just adult adoptees. Because that statement, in itself, is a huge and offensive sweeping generalization that gets me all riled up and causes me to want to making sweeping generalizations of my own.

Hold individual bloggers responsible for their words, not an entire group.

Adoption has shaped a large part of who I am. Adoption is not all that I am. In fact, even if you read my other blog, the other blogs I contribute to, twitter, Facebook and anything else that I participate online, you will still only have the very basic of ideas as to who I am as a person, a wife, a mother, a birth mother, a friend, a daughter, a sister, and so on.

I read like an open book sometimes. I frequently let it all hang out there, opening up my experience for others to read, learn from, share their own and generally participate in the give and take of life lessons. I’ve spoken, honestly, as to how the experience of blogging has been integral in my healing process. More over, I have made some life long friends, inside and outside the adoption blogosphere/industry/realm. My life has been changed by their sharing, their caring, their challenges and their friendship.

But that doesn’t mean that even the closest among them know every last thing about me.

There are things that I don’t find it necessary to talk about on the Internet or even with my real life friends over weekly coffee. I’m not going to launch into lengthy diatribes about faith; I have mine, you have yours, end of story for me. I’m not going to discuss our finances other than to say the tax refund was good and we’re buying a new couch and recliner. When we’re struggling, I won’t complain out loud. When we’re rolling in the dough (see also point 4 here), I won’t rave out loud. I’m not going to discuss sex or anything associated with it. (Hi, Mother-in-law!) I’m also not going to go into lengthy discussions about family relationships on the blogs because they read. (Also, I’ve learned that if you write about your family when you’re angry, it hurts more than it helps.) Those things, faith and money and sex and family, are huge parts of my life. Not discussing them means that my readers don’t know those parts of my life.

But just because I don’t discuss them doesn’t mean that they don’t exist, don’t shape who I am. I think it’s important that we keep that in mind when we read others’ blogs. Even someone who seems to wear their heart on their blog isn’t likely telling you absolutely everything. I know that I’ve jumped to a conclusion and even, gasp, judged before only to later learn the whole story… and ended up feeling like a heel. I’ve apologized to those individuals. I’ll apologize again in the future because I will forget to take my own advice and I’ll think, “What the heck is this person going on about?” But I try to keep it in mind at all times.

All of this is my long-winded way of saying that I’m more than a birth mother. I am more than adoption. I am even more than an everyday mom. And a wife. And even more than a blogger. So much more.

How much do you share regarding your adoption story? How much is too much?

After I asked that, D let me know that she has purchased a domain and is going to blog! I will not link you as of yet. I will wait for her to find her comfort level and out herself. That said, it was perfect timing for both this question and the one I plan on asking next!

I’ve learned a lot about what is mine to share and what is D’s to share… and what will be Munchkin’s to share. I have learned these boundaries by making mistakes. I like to learn the hard way. I have over-shared at times though D has really only called me out on it once. I fixed it and we got past it, like most of our blips and bloops on our adoption journey.

I think that’s what makes adoption blogging so difficult.

I can write just about anything about the family that lives under my roof. I’m participating in the making of these stories. As long as I am not putting my husband’s job in jeopardy, I am pretty much free to share what I please. I do censor myself in some ways, refusing to share anything about our sexual relationship not really because I’m a prude but because my husband’s grandparents read our blog. (There’s an ick factor there when it comes to sex, no?) Again, while I may share about fires, I don’t share details of the fire itself and more often share about what I experienced, at home, while he was off fighting. When I share about the kids, I don’t post pictures of naked tushies or anything overly embarrassing. As Dawn said in her comment to the question, I will always give the family veto power.

But it works differently in adoption.

It’s not always possible to share only my story. Our stories, as they pertain to adoption, get tangled together in different ways. We also view things differently, react to them differently and experience them on different levels and in different ways. I think I mostly make that clear in my writing but I suppose that can get lost in translation.

I rarely write about the Munchkin herself here, sans-really cute stories of our conversations or the occasional discussion of something she is experiencing. Why? I don’t want to step on D’s toes. The truth is that when it comes down to it, she’s the mommy and should therefore be the mommyblogger. You know? I tend to back off in that area, moreso than I used to do. As Shannon pointed out, I’m more apt to talk about theory and ethics and what not rather than the ins and outs of our story. Or my own healing process which still has to be edited at times. It’s difficult, this adoption blogging.

If I’ve learned anything, it’s that the lines in the sand of this topic shift from time to time. During difficult times, I find it safer, for all, if I hold back a little. During times of ease, I find that it’s a bit more acceptable to go back and rehash some things (respectfully) or share a little more about current stuff. Shifting shifting. It’s probably more about learning what and when than about a hard and fast rule. At least for me. For us.

But this blog? It’s always been radical.

In fact, at various points in time, it’s been too radical for public consumption. People don’t want to hear a story of a mother who was very sick while pregnant and got eaten up by an unethical agency intent on making money. People don’t want to hear the story of the grief and loss that accompany the relinquishment of a child. After all, I deserved that pain, didn’t I? I chose to open my legs. I chose to “give away” my baby. This is all my fault, after all. Why don’t I just shut my trap? People don’t want to hear about a birth mother who isn’t a crack addict, a whore, homeless or somehow less than them. It makes them uncomfortable that I’m a great mother, a hardworking writer and a pretty darn good cook to boot. They squirm in their seats and realize that they’re not better than me and that makes them question the industry, society, themselves. They need for me to be something else, something less than what I am. They can’t handle the truth that I bring to the table.

I’m too radical for the mommyblogger world.

This blog is not accepted as a “mommy blog” despite the fact that it falls under that umbrella. My input is not welcome. I have nothing of value to say because it’s too scary, too real. Of course, I know all of this to be hogwash. I know those that have come to me to ask questions, to find support. I know the lives that have been changed because I’ve dared to speak my story, to be a radical, open adoption birth mother giving a voice to the need for adoption reforms.

I know other mothers like me, not just birth mothers, who are pushing back against a world that doesn’t want them to speak their stories. They also lead rather calm, normal lives. They don’t compromise who they are, what they do. And yet, Dawn isn’t shunned because she’s the adoptive mom, the savior in the equation. Until she comes to our defense and then she gets the same hate mail.

I still wonder when a birth mother will be allowed to stand on a stage at a blogging conference and talk. And it’s not for lack of trying. We’re not wanted, despite being mothers and bloggers. We’re told to sit down, shut up. When I mention adoption over on the family blog, like in my birth story, people don’t know what to say. They click away. What do you say to someone that you look down on (for no good reason)? And yet I’m invited to speak at adoption conferences because I’m a well-accepted blogger to those people. But to mommybloggers? Unacceptable.

I’ll keep writing here. I’ll keep pushing back against a society, against a blogosphere that wants me to be quiet. It’s what I do. It’s how I heal. It’s how I make sense of what has happened, how I push to ensure that other mothers are not treated like me as they make their way through the adoption industry. It’s how I find the strength to go on.