I was put off by Sandra Bullock’s delayed announcement of the adoption of her son, Louis. I tried to blog about it but I couldn’t quite find the words. I started and abandoned a few drafts, unable to succinctly say what was really bothering me. In fact, at that point, I couldn’t quite pin-point what was even bothering me.

The news came out today that Sheryl Crow has adopted another son, Levi James (two names I adore, by the way). He was born on April 30. It’s June 4th. Not quite the delay that Bullock gave us but, still, a delay. Without details from Crow just yet, we don’t quite know if, like her first son’s adoption, if this is another domestic adoption. If it is, we don’t know if Levi spent some time in foster care before being adopted by Crow, hence the delay.

But I have some questions and reservations about the “hush-hush” that is surrounding recent adoption announcements in Hollywood.

First and foremost, I hate society’s unending pestering of celebrities. The only reason I know about these particular issues is because I subscribe to Google Alerts for any/all things adoption. I understand that celebrities desire some peace and quiet in their lives. They’re hounded and it’s not right. I’d probably keep my family life as private as possible if I was a celebrity as well. If the one and only reason these celebrities have for delaying these announcements is to avoid the paparazzi, well, I can almost support that idea.

Almost.

I’m hesitant to support any kind of secrecy in adoption. I thought we had pulled away from the Baby Scoop Era and moved toward something a bit more open. Even those who don’t support open adoption and on-going relationships with first families can admit that society’s past love-affair with secrecy in adoption wasn’t always the best choice. So when I see someone keeping a child’s addition to a family secret, even briefly, I kind of prickle. Again, I’m assuming that the secrecy is based upon a desire to avoid the media hounds. But still. They wouldn’t keep it a secret if they were growing a baby in their belly. I mean, we’ve got word that John Travolta’s wife is expecting another. Why treat the two differently?

What’s the big deal about adopting?

Or, perhaps the question should be: what’s the big deal about adopting domestically?

When celebrities head to other countries, we know. We follow them on their trips. We hound them even more. We get those first pictures. We discuss them at great detail. International adoption among the celebrity set is not so hush-hush. It’s celebrated and, even when controversial, widely reported. Which brings us back to the question: why the secrecy when adopting within our own country?

Are the celebrities who have chosen to adopt domestically afraid of birth parents? Do they delay the announcement so that a birth mother who signed the TPR without choosing a family in the state which a celebrity adopted doesn’t do some math, look a bit closer at the baby and say, “HEY!” Even if the birth mother is actively involved in the placing of her child with the celebrity and forced to sign some kind of privacy contract, perhaps the delay is so that extended family members and friends of the once pregnant mother don’t take a closer look and say, “HEY!” If these are children who were adopted through foster care from mothers whose babies were taken immediately at birth, are these celebrities afraid the families will figure it all out?

I don’t want to be a celebrity. I’m sure it’s hard. I have no doubt.

But I’d really like to have a sit down with these two women (two women I admire, really) and have a heart-to-heart. I can’t imagine that the thought of an open adoption would seem all that appealing to anyone who absolutely had no control over the privacy of their own life. In fact, as a birth mother, I wouldn’t want to have a fully open adoption in that case; how could you visit your child?

Which leads me to the thought that perhaps the celebrities have chosen to delay their adoption announcements to protect the birth family. Again, what person wants to worry about going to the grocery store or have their life history aired on Entertainment Tonight? Maybe these celebrities are acting out of good faith, protecting those who made them mothers.

I don’t know the answer.

I don’t expect to receive the answer either. I go back to hoping that someday a celebrity is going to champion the efforts for ethical adoption reform or adoptees’ fight for their Original Birth Certificates or… something. I put this all out there in hopes that someday we’ll see something a bit more different.

I’m not asking that celebrities give us full disclosure in everything that they do. I am asking that celebrities who choose adoption realize that they are automatically spokespeople for the rest of us, whether they desire that role or not, and that they act accordingly.