There aren’t many people on the internet who haven’t heard of the loss of Madeline Spohr. In case you lived under a rock this week and/or don’t follow me on twitter, in short, Maddie died suddenly and unexpectedly while in the hospital being treated for RSV. It was a shock to the blogosphere for many reasons.
I hugged my boys a little tighter that day. I wrote about it, including some love for the Munchkin.
But, boy, have the Munchkin and the concept of loss been weighing heavy on my heart for the past few days. When discussing the loss of Maddie with other bloggers and friends, the general consensus is that no one can imagine this kind of loss. Furthermore, no one wants to imagine this loss. Myself included.
I know I write a lot about loss. It’s a part of my life. It’s part of my reality. I can’t really escape it. But at the end of the day? My daughter is alive. She is thriving. She is awesome. She is hilarious. She is talented. And she loves me. At the end of the day, my loss isn’t complete. I know where my daughter is. I can call her Mom and ask to speak to her if I so desire. I can drive seven-ish hours and give her a hug if it comes down to it. I can watch her grow into the wonderful woman I know that she will be.
And that kind of puts some things in perspective, doesn’t it?
Of course, I speak from the view of a birth mother in open adoption. I can’t and won’t attempt to speak for my sisters who endure the horrors and fears of closed adoptions. Much like this recent loss of a beautiful little girl, I can’t imagine living the life of a closed adoption birth mother. More over, I don’t want to imagine it.
I’m not saying that I don’t miss my daughter. I am not saying that I don’t grieve over the things, memories and relationship that was lost. But perspective. Perspective.
I know that we have difficulties of our own in open adoption. I’ve been through a lot in the past few years. Our story has changed. Our lives have changed. But, in the end, the point is that the Munchkin has been present for all of those changes. She’s here, on Earth, with us.
And for that, I am forever grateful.
[Our blogs will be going purple for Maddie on Tuesday. Let me know if you need help doing so as well. If you would like to donate to the family, please consider donating to the PayPal account set up for the family. As of writing this, they have $7000 to cover for the services to be held on Tuesday. Another option is the fundraising efforts for March of Dimes. To boot, our family is releasing purple balloons tomorrow. RememberMaddie.com is up and down but the remembering of Maddie lives on. A thorough write-up of efforts can be found here.]